Using a viral TikTok from Derrick Jaxn, we've rolled up our sleeves to discuss why some single women choose joy in solitude over the compromise of companionship. We dissect the evolving expectations in partnerships and consider all the options to the human heart.
A second video making the rounds on the internet, we discuss, when the bill lands on the table at a birthday dinner, the air gets thick with tension, doesn't it? We've all been there, and in this episode, we share our two cents on navigating the financial faux pas with the finesse of a diplomat. From the host's responsibilities to the unspoken rules of bill-splitting, join us for a candid discussion that explores the intricacies of financial etiquette in social settings. It's about keeping friendships intact and dignity unscathed, with a sprinkle of humor to ease the awkwardness that money matters inevitably bring to the table.
It's a fun episode with the regular crew: Cynthia, Andrea, Rick and Tony D., who all dive in and share in the joy and laughter...
To See the entire unedited episode, please click on this YOUTUBE link.
Thank you for stopping by. Please visit our website: All About The Joy and add, like and share. We'd appreciate that greatly. Also, if you want to find us anywhere on social media, please check out the link in bio page.
Music By Geovane Bruno, Moments, 3481
Editing by Team A-J
Host, Carmen Lezeth
DISCLAIMER: As always, please do your own research and understand that the opinions in this podcast and livestream are meant for entertainment purposes only. States and other areas may have different rules and regulations governing certain aspects discussed in this podcast. Nothing in our podcast or livestream is meant to be medical or legal advice. Please use common sense, and when in doubt, ask a professional for advice, assistance, help and guidance.
Using a viral TikTok from Derrick Jaxn, we've rolled up our sleeves to discuss why some single women choose joy in solitude over the compromise of companionship. We dissect the evolving expectations in partnerships and consider all the options to the human heart.
A second video making the rounds on the internet, we discuss, when the bill lands on the table at a birthday dinner, the air gets thick with tension, doesn't it? We've all been there, and in this episode, we share our two cents on navigating the financial faux pas with the finesse of a diplomat. From the host's responsibilities to the unspoken rules of bill-splitting, join us for a candid discussion that explores the intricacies of financial etiquette in social settings. It's about keeping friendships intact and dignity unscathed, with a sprinkle of humor to ease the awkwardness that money matters inevitably bring to the table.
It's a fun episode with the regular crew: Cynthia, Andrea, Rick and Tony D., who all dive in and share in the joy and laughter...
To See the entire unedited episode, please click on this YOUTUBE link.
Thank you for stopping by. Please visit our website: All About The Joy and add, like and share. We'd appreciate that greatly. Also, if you want to find us anywhere on social media, please check out the link in bio page.
Music By Geovane Bruno, Moments, 3481
Editing by Team A-J
Host, Carmen Lezeth
DISCLAIMER: As always, please do your own research and understand that the opinions in this podcast and livestream are meant for entertainment purposes only. States and other areas may have different rules and regulations governing certain aspects discussed in this podcast. Nothing in our podcast or livestream is meant to be medical or legal advice. Please use common sense, and when in doubt, ask a professional for advice, assistance, help and guidance.
Okay, welcome everyone to All About the Joy. I just want to say that Andrea is supposed to come on in a little bit. She's taking care of her kid, whatever she's like doing the mom thing, taking her from one thing to another. I'm like, yeah, yeah, yeah, whatever you know what I mean.
Carmen Lezeth:So and I just want to give a shout out to Joy because she was going to be on the show. She hurt herself, she's okay, she's fine, but I was like, girl, don't even worry about it. We got mad love for you, so we wanted to give her a shout out. And so how you doing what's up, cynthia? Let's start with you. Happy New Year. Happy New Year. Happy New Year, I'm finally back. Yeah, why don't you tell our listeners who won't be on the show what's?
Cynthia:going on. Well, you might hear my voice go in and out. So since I've been sick, I don't know what happened to my voice, but it gets very raspy, so I tend to lose my voice here and there. So, working on that, are you in pain? At all though no, no, it just I don't know. It just gets raspy and so, yeah, so it'll go in and out.
Andrea:But it's doing good, it wants doing better, I'm good.
Carmen Lezeth:So Juan had surgery and at the same time he had surgery, you were rushed to the hospital. Oh yes, it was a great Christmas, it was a wonderful Christmas, it was a wonderful Christmas. But he's, he's, he's walked. Hey, Melanie, how are you? Hey?
Rick Costa:Mel.
Cynthia:But he's walking around and he's doing better. Yeah, yeah. So we actually did his post-op today. So he got the stitches out and you know he's walking around. Doctor said everything is healing well and next is going to be just physical therapy for him.
Carmen Lezeth:I just want to give a shout out to Deborah. Hi, Deborah Valentine. I want a last name like that Carmen Valentine. That's a nice last name, isn't it? And I'm sure he was really like I am a very good and wonderful patient, you know, totally considerate and kind and loving to his caretakers, right? So I'm doing good.
Cynthia:So actually, while he was in the hospital recovering, I ended up in the ER with a kidney infection. But all good, everything's good.
Carmen Lezeth:And family. Family walked in and did what family does, the real definition of family and came in and supported you and, and more importantly, because it is all about me, hello. I was like I just need somebody to text me to let me know what's going on.
Cynthia:Yes, yes, I made sure. Sadeeta, my daughter, made sure she told everyone what was going on.
Carmen Lezeth:And yeah, I didn't care about everyone. I cared that Sadeeta went out of her way to make sure that, like every 30 minutes, she was sending me. Okay, everything's fine, carmen, I felt bad. I love her. I did, though. I was like thank you so much. You know, I think it's hard when you're away, okay, and can I just tell a little part of what you did? That really, that's what threw me in a panic was, for some reason I knew you were in a hallway. So, rick, imagine this I know she's been sent to the ER. She's at the ER. I didn't know at this time that she didn't drive herself, but that someone did a driver. You were actually by ambulance. You went. I didn't know all that, but when you told me you were at the emergency room, that was panic enough. And then you said you were in the hallway waiting.
Cynthia:So I went by ambulance to the ER and when I got there, like this was the busiest I have ever seen. This emergency room it was every single room in the ER was packed. So then of course they had beds outside those rooms and then beds next to those beds. Now, so talk about double, double parking. It was crazy. And you know, I'm outside one room and I have a procedure happening behind me and another procedure happening over here, blood going over there, and I was just like, oh my God I'm speaking out 3000 miles away makes me and what can I do?
Carmen Lezeth:I'm at work and I'm like you know, I put everybody on hold and I'm like I got. And then I'm like what's happening? Do you want us to take you to Cedars? I'm like she's in Boston. I'm just glad you okay it turned out all right, yeah, talk to doctors and nurses and emergency rooms, right, man, he's definitely got to give them all credit. How to give them some love, rick? How you doing.
Rick Costa:Doing good, doing good. Speaking of doctors, I totally forgot that I don't have a car, and the reason I was on the phone when I first came on was I said oh hello, son, you know how you have my car. I totally forgot, when they made a doctor's appointment, that I don't have a car. Can you please come tomorrow?
Derrick Jaxn:He still has the car yeah.
Rick Costa:There's drama behind the other car.
Carmen Lezeth:You know, I don't have children, I'm just gonna throw that out there. So I can only imagine.
Rick Costa:And then the other funny thing that happened was so mom went to bed but she did something funky to the TV. It was freaking me out because every time something happened on the TV it was like you are watching channel 257, little house on a prairie. I was like why?
Carmen Lezeth:is there a ghost in this room? Yeah, no, no, no, because it has the voice activation. Do you know how to fix it?
Rick Costa:I did, I did. I was like no, I'm not, you can't know this is so cool.
Carmen Lezeth:The voice was so creepy I was like no, I think you can change your voice or you just get used to it, or I just think it's like you know a sci-fi thing. But what I love is you can use the speaker system and yeah, okay, I got you. Yeah, but it's just the voice activation, so it tells you everything. I think it's for the blind, I'm not sure, but I use it Because it's cool.
Rick Costa:I think it's a cool addition, it's like this computer on Star Trek.
Carmen Lezeth:I do. I think it's awesome. It's not even Star Trek, it's like War Games. It's more like Hal, that's why it's creepy.
Rick Costa:Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Carmen Lezeth:Not Hal, but it's on War Games. Whatever. What's War Games guy's?
Rick Costa:name. Would you like to play a game?
Carmen Lezeth:Yeah, what's his name? Broderick? No, no, no. Hal the computer is from 2001.
Rick Costa:Oh, the other movie. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Carmen Lezeth:Yeah, I forgot what the War Games one name was, but anyway. So okay, let me tell you what happened to me today. So I went to the dentist, who I've known for like 25 years and I love him. He was the first person Was he the first person to wish me a happy birthday. I don't know he was, but it was so cool because he's going to watch the show of the show and follow us on the podcast.
Carmen Lezeth:So shout out to Dr Vizieri. And my smile is all because of him and his lovely assistant, who she said she's always trying to be so professional because she doesn't want people to know that it's her husband. So I brought up to Marie as well. She's so cool. Because I was confused. I walked out of the you know, out of the area where he does whatever, the office area where he does your teeth, the room, whatever it is and she's like oh yeah, Dr Vizieri will be seeing you shortly. And I'm like why is she talking like she don't know him? You know what I mean. Okay, so, yeah, I my day started off so good and even though there were like all these things happening throughout the day, because then I had to go to work, I was still in such a good mood and I'm so happy, and part of it is also because I we're all talking about like health things. Man, we're old, we are boring. I went and got my blood work done and we're at the right levels now, so I think I'm just feeling better.
Derrick Jaxn:Yeah, yeah.
Carmen Lezeth:So I'm actually just glad to know that I'm back on track. So, yeah, Yay. So we have an interesting topic. I know Cynthia Cynthia's like.
Rick Costa:I might have to put that new lemonade song for me in a bit. I don't know.
Cynthia:Why.
Rick Costa:Cause, just get my blood pressure up watching that video.
Carmen Lezeth:No that was. That's the second one, that's, I don't know if we that's what we. Which one do you want to do? Which one do we want to talk about first Cause? I think I want Andrea in on that. On the restaurant.
Rick Costa:Let's do the more chill one. Let's build up to it here.
Carmen Lezeth:Yeah, so can you share the the video from what's his name?
Rick Costa:You want me to try?
Carmen Lezeth:Yeah, let's see why not.
Derrick Jaxn:If a woman is single for a long time two years, three years or more it ain't because something's wrong with her. Most likely more than likely it's because she's intelligent. And that's not to say women who are in relationships or marriages or that get needs relationships quickly or just dumb. What I'm saying is intelligent women. They have the smallest dating pool because they have the least amount of tolerance for BS. Like. An intelligent woman cannot stomach a man who can't teach her anything, and because she's intelligent, there are very few men who can.
Derrick Jaxn:An intelligent woman can't tolerate a man that can't mentally stimulate her or that she has to explain every little thing to an intelligent woman. She's the most likely to be insulted by a man who thinks that he can play on her face like she's dumb. So they ain't going to last. And then add to the fact that, yes, she's intelligent. So therefore she gathers information and she acts on it more effectively the most, which means she's not going to continue repeating the same bad relationship over and over again with a different man for years on in. She'd just rather be single and then. Intelligent women perform better in the job market and have more successful businesses, so they're the least likely to depend on the man to be their meal ticket. But what I really love about these women is that they're also not easily rattled by that whole. You're going to die alone. You're going to be single until you die, because they're smart enough to understand it's better to be happy until you die alone than to live miserably every single day feeling like you're dying inside. Amen.
Carmen Lezeth:Amen, okay, you know what? I don't even need to. We need to talk about it. I think we're done. I say out here, all on the show.
Cynthia:I don't think I can say anything about it.
Rick Costa:No lies told.
Carmen Lezeth:Yeah, you know what I think? The only thing I would change a little bit is this idea of intelligent women. Right, I think there's just women in general, like because you know that's kind of subjective, like what you think is like EQ, emotional intelligence versus something else Really amazing speaker, but it's like Jackson or Derek Jackson. Yeah, derek Jackson, but it's like J A, x, x, so when or something right.
Rick Costa:A X N.
Carmen Lezeth:Oh right, it's J A X N. He's really good. He's all over the place. I think I follow him on Facebook. I think that's where I first out, but this was on Tik Tok. This was on Tik Tok.
Rick Costa:I agree, though, too, what you were saying, like yeah, there's different kinds of intelligent.
Carmen Lezeth:Yeah.
Rick Costa:So you know, kind of depends what you're talking about.
Carmen Lezeth:Yeah, and I think it's also about kind of men starting to understand like I love the part where he's like you know, because people used to say that to me all the time when I was in my thirties you go and die alone and I was like okay.
Rick Costa:Thanks for the pep talk.
Carmen Lezeth:All right, you know. So I thought that was like kind of a little fascinating part to it. And there's another one, another guy, I don't know his name, but he because this prompted part of my blog post that I wrote on Carmen Swar'scom, which was about why I am still single, and it is part of what he's saying. I'm not gonna, I'm not trying to diss myself, but minus the whole intelligent women, this intelligent women, that but it's also the thing that you don't want to settle for anything less than what you have by yourself, Like my peace and my joy. If you're going to come into my life, you need to add to that. I'm not going to be stressing out about all your drama and you're going to bring down my happiness in that moment. No, no, no, no, no, no. It's not about perfection. It's about can you meet me at the same level? Does that make any sense?
Rick Costa:Yeah, yeah, definitely definitely, I agree.
Carmen Lezeth:Yeah, okay.
Rick Costa:Why should you settle? It's your life. You know Suze, exactly girlfriend. Hey Tony, hey Tony.
Carmen Lezeth:You know, I would have loved to have Tony up here to talk about this.
Rick Costa:Yeah, If you get the other video, you need him up here because I'll be all alone. But yeah, 100%, 100%.
Carmen Lezeth:But, cynthia, you're married, so come to it from a different perspective. What's your feeling on single women today? What's your thought process? You have family members who want to be in relationships and married. By the way, being single doesn't mean you don't want to be in a relationship, and that's another thing.
Cynthia:Yeah, yeah, I mean, it's definitely different for everyone. You know, I don't like to be by myself in the house, oh, Okay, well, wait, wait, wait.
Carmen Lezeth:That actually is interesting, but we should remind people. He went on vacation. Your husband, juan, went to be with his mother he was like with the family, right and he went for how long? To Dominican Republic. He went for two weeks with his family. You could have gone, you chose not to.
Cynthia:No, I couldn't. I couldn't go because of work.
Carmen Lezeth:but oh, okay, because of work, okay, but so it's a family gathering. He's with his mother. I swear to you mother, he was gone what I don't know. Four or five days I hadn't heard from you and I'm like what's going on? How you doing Whatever we do a FaceTime thing, whatever it's called and it was like you were depressed, you were horribly sad.
Cynthia:Because he's my buddy. It's like, and it's so funny because we were actually talking about that today, because we were at the doctor's office and he's just talking and talking and talking. And I looked at him and I was like you just talked too much and we joke around like that all the time. And I was like you know, I don't know why it's annoying me now. And then I was like, wait a minute. I said I think it's because before you had your friends around, you would always talk to them. And he goes, and now I only talk to you. You're my best friend.
Cynthia:I'm sorry, it was cute.
Carmen Lezeth:I know, but you really don't like being alone. You really don't. No, I don't, I don't. I'm like what's your perspective now? You've been married? You are how long divorced?
Rick Costa:2003,.
Carmen Lezeth:I think it's like you're not, it's like you wouldn't have a married, okay, so I don't know. There's just like a time period that passes and you're like okay, right, and you're still single and you're not looking right.
Rick Costa:No, I'm content, I'm fine. Not saying I'm this way. I always have to say I'm not close to the possibility, but I'm also not actively looking either.
Carmen Lezeth:But if somebody comes along he's swiping as we're talking.
Cynthia:Can I ask a good question? Yes, because you know your mom's situation. Is it because you feel like it would be like too much to handle because of you're dealing with your mom and everything?
Rick Costa:Well, mom's situation has only been for two or three years, and I was this way before that too, for years and years and years. So, yeah, I mean now, yes, it's, that would be an issue, because it's like how you supposed to date when I got to watch it, 24, seven, but I mean before, though, I was free and I could do whatever. And no, I was good, I'm good, but, like he said, like the dude said, it's better to live alone and die alone, happy, than to be miserable every single day. And I know, but maybe that person won't make you, I know, I get it, I get it.
Carmen Lezeth:No, no, I'm not saying that I'm not going to preach to you. I'm single for a reason, but I just feel, like you know, I want to make sure you're not afraid of it or using that as an excuse, because I think that's a difference right, I don't have any fear, I just, I literally have no desire. What is the okay? Brian just said what is the reason that women let the little things bother them.
Rick Costa:That may be superficial, that's not all women, just women, just women.
Carmen Lezeth:I'm not sure you're in the right vibe today, brian. I don't know what's happening, but I don't think that things that women get upset about necessarily are superficial. It's just that you don't think they're important, right, which means that person doesn't matter to you that much if you're willing to do things that keep annoying them. And Debbie, just I'm sorry. Deborah just said we were wired differently. That's true too. Brian just said now, when couples argue, the minor things get brought up. Go ahead, cynthia.
Cynthia:Sometimes I get what he's saying. There are sometimes and it's not just women, it's men too you can have an argument, and it's for the smallest, the dumbest things. So I get what he's saying. It's not, it's not just women, though. Men do take things and they will just blow it way out of proportion sometimes. And it's just sometimes. It's just better to say you know what, I'm not even going to bother. You're right, I'm wrong, let's move on.
Rick Costa:I used to always crack up. Not crack up. It's annoying me, but like when I'd see my parents fight. They're fighting about something that happened today, now, just now, and they're fighting their argument, and also one of them. Yeah, but 20 years ago, when you double black, like we talked about 20 years ago, oh come on now.
Carmen Lezeth:That's just bad fighting that's trying to get under someone's skin right.
Rick Costa:I hated that. They did that all the time.
Carmen Lezeth:Melanie just said, to women things aren't superficial. Thank you, yeah, for me at this age and I do think it matters, I think when you're in your 20s and 30s with man or woman, whatever, just that maturity level I think something happens. Like some things don't bother me now as much as they would before. Like, for example, this past week I sent an email to someone. They responded. I responded back and they got really mad at my response and they got so upset about it. They were like you know what, carmen, just leave me alone. Did I need some time? I was like, okay, cool, there were like three other people on the thing and to me it really wasn't a big deal. I understood where he was coming from. But again, I just want to throw this out there to people. If you don't know me, don't ask me my opinion. I will give it to you.
Carmen Lezeth:But my point is 10 years ago I would have been like calling Cynthia and I would have been like I can't believe what happened. He emailed me and I don't know what should I do. Should I call him back? Now I'm just bringing up because of the example, but I swear to you I have not thought about it since Monday. You know what I mean. Like when it happened and I was like that's the difference in maturity. I think maybe twice changes things a bit. Yeah, I agree with that.
Cynthia:As you get older you do tend to like just blow things off and those very superficial things, like Brian was saying, just become so dumb that you don't even, it doesn't even bother you anymore.
Carmen Lezeth:Yeah, what did Brian say? Oh, brian just said I think the nitpicking is at. Anything is annoying. I think that's just bad fighting skills. Like, if you have to bring up like what Rick said, bring it up something for, like, but remember 20 years when you ditched my car? Well, that's the same thing as you not picking me up today. I mean that's just bad fighting. You know what I mean? Yes, yes, yeah, honestly, you just get tired. I think that's. I think you're right. I'm tired of people getting all up in there like panties in a bunch or whatever. Like you know, like it's just not that big of a deal. You know I disagree with you. I don't like what you did. I told you I don't like what you did and you're mad at me, it's okay. Like, next, I got to go. It's not to be mean, it's just okay, it's fine.
Rick Costa:But, yeah, picking when he, when Brian brings up nitpicking. Though, if you constantly do the same type of thing over and over again, it doesn't have to be the exact same thing. But like men, we like separate everything. That's just the way we think usually. But it's like you keep doing it, maybe in a different way, like, oh, you let your socks over there, you let underwear over there, you let your pants over there, and it's like you're looking at it all as separate events. But women tend to be like this is what you do, and it's like you're you're saying, oh, you're nitpicking again. No, you're still doing what pisses me off, stop it Right, just in a different way.
Carmen Lezeth:Right, I think again, and this, I don't know, this, I don't know, I'm going to ask, I'm going to go to Cynthia Isn't that part of, though, of the marriage thing where, at some point, it just becomes like you get used to certain things, like, if it's 10 years and you still are not, you know putting your your socks where they need to be, why are you still complaining about it? Right, hi Tony, hi Tony, but yeah, I mean the married, the married person here. I mean, is that kind of? Do you still fight with your man, with Juan, about him doing something? He always does the same thing. He did.
Cynthia:We may not fight as we used to like we used to fight about it, but I would be like hey, didn't I tell you before, stop doing this, it'll be. It'll be more of a conversation rather than a screaming fight or argument. You think it's a conversation, but for him. I'm yelling to him.
Carmen Lezeth:I'm always yelling, I knew that was bullshit, as you were saying. I saw Tony's face. Tony's like, she's like. I'm just having a conversation with you, tony. How do you feel about it?
Tony D:Why women are single.
Carmen Lezeth:That voice.
Tony D:I think a lot of women these days. They don't want to be vulnerable to anybody anymore If they seem to be too vulnerable.
Carmen Lezeth:Did you see the video we had on? Did you see the video we had on? No, I didn't. Okay, go ahead. That's cool. All right, I want to make sure, go ahead.
Tony D:So what I want to do is a lot of women. If they feel vulnerable, they get on defensive. I almost don't blame them, based on what history teaches people about how men used to treat women. So women are looking for a lot of their strengths right now. They don't want to give up the independence and I don't blame them. And I'll also say it's not just the women anymore, it's also the men. Nobody wants to be vulnerable anymore and if you give in too much to anybody, they take it in the image of you. So the previous experience of being taken advantage of. They want to have defenses up and, as much as I get it, it's not everybody, but I don't blame anybody for having a guard up and prepared to just be by yourself, because you can't trust nobody, no damn more. Everybody is out for what they want at the moment.
Carmen Lezeth:You just said a lot. You just said so much. I know I'm just saying that's good, right. You just touched on. You said vulnerability, you talked about trust issues, you talked about defenses.
Tony D:I mean, I'm scared for you but you just newly divorced, so it's been a while before I was married. I was also single 12. Before I was married and then I hated when I married.
Carmen Lezeth:So you're on the edge about it, right. Is it me, or is Tony's video going in and out? Is that just my end?
Rick Costa:The magic background probably.
Carmen Lezeth:Oh, that's right. Okay Now, Tony. We've been having issues with my connections, so I'm just worried about it.
Carmen Lezeth:So it's not about you. I just want to read some of the comments. Brian said you didn't use the to see time on the bread. That's not a relationship that's gonna work out, if that's what you are, but I do think this. This is what I think. I think being single and being you know like? There was another video that was like successful women, right? So everybody's putting their own little thing Intelligent women and this is, and it's all men talking about this. I haven't seen one woman being like. So the reason why we're single is because the men is stupid.
Carmen Lezeth:They're trying to come to some understanding as to why they're not finding their people or whatever. You know they're not finding their partner, and I do think some of what they're saying is true. But I also think it's also trying to understand the new dynamic, and it is a new dynamic. Women are not like oh my God, I'm 25. I need to get married anymore. You know people are not doing that anymore. What I'm saying it's a different gender, it's a different world. Like I'm not embarrassed at all to not be married and not have children, Like I'm empowered by it, but a generation before us would never be okay with that. You know what I mean.
Rick Costa:So that's what I'm saying. You know what they would have said too, but I ain't gonna say it what? No, I'm gonna say it. Tony gets it.
Carmen Lezeth:What like a whore.
Rick Costa:She never got married.
Carmen Lezeth:What Is that what you mean?
Rick Costa:No, no, no.
Carmen Lezeth:Is that a bad word or no? No, not a word. What are we talking about, then, Guys? This is like what they come on a show and they're using code words. What?
Tony D:They say you're gay.
Carmen Lezeth:Oh, lesbian, like gay, that's what you mean. Oh, you guys really are archaic. I, I'm from the East Coast. Don't even put that on the East Coast, you guys. I was just Listen, listen. So stop thinking that way, cuz that's silly. I don't think anyone who would ever think in one moment that, like I'm gay, well I'd be a lesbian. Do you say gay for both? I think the boobers.
Rick Costa:I'm saying back then oh that's what they would say. Oh, you still like, if Tony?
Carmen Lezeth:Said Tony and Rick, that is a lame idea.
Cynthia:I think what Brian was trying to ask is what causes emotional mental stimulation decline, to decline in a relationship.
Carmen Lezeth:Oh, you wrote it again. Oh yeah, I think you're right. What did Tony say?
Tony D:trust. Answer his question trust.
Carmen Lezeth:Cynthia, what do you think it is?
Tony D:lack of respect.
Carmen Lezeth:Yeah, could it be anything positive like okay, can I just throw this idea out there? Is it possible that maybe when you're with somebody, things get to be kind, kind of the same, you know, I mean, it kind of gets regular and you need to change things up a bit?
Rick Costa:I was gonna say same thing. Like you're boring and you allowed yourself to be born. When's the last time you went out on a date? Well, we marry, we don't.
Carmen Lezeth:Yes, you do we have, we have children, we can't go out. I'm like well, that's your problem, that's you need to Take the.
Rick Costa:Take it to grandma, grandpa, somebody do something, melanie.
Carmen Lezeth:I have been divorced since the late 1990s. My standards have been elevated. I Know I got you go ahead, melanie. That's right. Here's the thing. I'm not. So.
Carmen Lezeth:I'm gonna disagree with the whole vulnerability thing, tony, that you said. Here's why the right man in my life, or the right person, friend that I'm dating or whatever, I can be vulnerable with him and I can trust him completely. That does not make a Cohabitation marriage situation. So I say it that way because I don't know if I'll ever get officially married ever again. I'm not sure. I'm not saying it's off the off the table. I don't think I need that and at this age, right.
Carmen Lezeth:But vulnerable and being comfortable with somebody doesn't make me think I'm gonna be with somebody for the rest of my life. Does that make sense? There's more to it than just yeah, like that's, that's like the base level, like that's the least you have to be able to have in my life is be vulnerable and trustworthy. Okay, let's talk about our next subject, and this is actually from Ted Hicks. I don't know if I want to see all three minutes of it, though, rick, but it's kind of good, right, and then, If Ted goes on his show, maybe they can talk about it afterwards.
Carmen Lezeth:But Ted was the one who actually asked me about this a couple weeks ago and I thought he was gonna talk about it on the show, but I didn't see it. Perfect timing were you there?
Andrea:for a while. Second, I was just typing in the messages. So yeah, okay.
Carmen Lezeth:Well, we're gonna watch a clip. I think I sent it to you.
Rick Costa:So tell me when you ready, ready.
Carmen Lezeth:Yeah, go ahead, go ahead, Go ahead. All right, here we come upload our next subject. Are you?
Andrea:gonna let him sit here with a whole table full of women.
Cynthia:Thank you.
Derrick Jaxn:You are separated. I got the birthday girl in my way. I'm sorry, you're the only man at this table. Why would you?
Cynthia:accept a text. It's all women here.
Rick Costa:I'm not responsible for paying everybody. I got the birthday girl. You invited all of us. I didn't invite you, I'm just either. Right, if you okay, I'm, I'm responsible for who I'm doing.
Cynthia:Okay, you're the only man.
Andrea:I'm sorry, hold on. We was all doing rushing your leg, payment credit cards and all that now.
Cynthia:I'm gonna split check.
Rick Costa:We don't split check. Yeah, wait, but I didn't sign up for that. Okay, there's nobody.
Carmen Lezeth:Get the gist. We get the gist. We can. We can move on from this. Okay, let me see if I can get us all up in here. And we were before. Okay, you guys get the gist right. So I might have to take a lot of that out for the audio. So so the gist is there's a birthday party and the man at the table gets the check and he tells the waitress Can we get separate checks? But I got the birthday girl and my wife and all the other women at the table are like wait, whoa, whoa, whoa, You're the. You're the only man at the table. Why are you doing this? Like he should have to pay for everybody and that's just wrong on so many levels. But that's kind of the gist of it. So I'll let you guys talk about it first.
Cynthia:It doesn't matter that he's the only man at that table. They, if they're going to a dinner, always be prepared to pay for your own stuff. If, when the bill comes, if he says it's my gift, I will pay for everybody, then so be it. But always go prepare paying for your own thing. You never assume that the only man at the table is gonna pay for everyone. I'll be damned if my husband is the only man at that table and it's gonna be paying for everybody without discussing it with me and right on your thoughts.
Andrea:I agree with Cynthia yeah, you can't go somewhere and expect if someone else is gonna pay for you, you know. And also I will say like a couple of things number one if I am going to invite a bunch of people and I would make it clear, yeah, if I was going to pay or if I was not gonna pay, and but on their side too, like they just ruined that girl's birthday.
Carmen Lezeth:Everybody.
Andrea:Right, like if you're like just cut the card down and have the argument or the discussion later, like that's just. And she even said at the end she's like you guys are embarrassing me like this. That's just a crappy thing to do. So it was Uncomfortable, awkward. They probably had a nice dinner and that was a crappy way to end it.
Rick Costa:Yeah, Rick, yeah, I just thought the whole thing was ridiculous. Got my blood pressure up.
Carmen Lezeth:I'll like I see you the clip and you were like you text me back and you never go. Oh, hell, no.
Rick Costa:I don't know if I said that quite that way, but I did get upset. So, yeah, why? Because I said and what if it was like 50 women and he was the only man, you still expect him to pay all that money? And she said that it's just seven hundred dollars. I'm like, excuse me, okay, if you ballin like that, okay, good for you, but I ain't $700, lord Jesus, no you all gonna hate me with my opinion, but go ahead.
Rick Costa:No, I think it was ridiculous and, like everybody else said, go there expecting that you're gonna pay for yourself. Now I'm gonna make myself look really bad, but I don't give a crap If this was my situation and I was there before that. Even got there, I'm already talking to the waitstaff. I'm like where's the bathroom? I'm talking to them and I'm saying here's my credit card. I'm paying for me, for her and for him, and that's it. Everybody else can do whatever they got to do. I don't care if you judge me.
Cynthia:Before they were ordering. We're gonna have separate checks.
Carmen Lezeth:I just don't like that.
Andrea:I don't like the separate checks thing.
Carmen Lezeth:I think it's that's tacky, that is so ghetto and tacky. Call me boozy all you want all me ghetto, all you want.
Andrea:People who ask for separate checks are usually people who have never worked at a restaurant.
Tony D:I didn't think about that part. This is good. First of all, it's a birthday party. I expect anybody to pay for you, but it's not your birthday. That's number one. Number two you was a guest and he actually said he invited one person. She brought her friends. I'm not paying for your friends. That was never made clear in the first place. And then if you're gonna sit in somebody's only seven hundred dollars, well Then bring your money out. If it's only seven hundred dollars and you could afford your part of the bill, pay it Ain't that hard. All y'all could have cash at the man and then he could have paid for it. Now and I know a lot of people say it's tacky, outside of what Andrew just said about working at a restaurant, separate checks.
Carmen Lezeth:Andrea.
Tony D:Andrea, I got you. If you even try to put it out there that you do a separate checks, people find that tacky too. So I was actually a messed up situation. This is birthday, he's with his wife and his kid, and you still expecting to pay for your check. They tacky, they ratchet, in my opinion.
Carmen Lezeth:Who ratchet?
Tony D:And you make a big old scene. We not doing this, we not doing this. I can't believe where your money at if it's only seven hundred dollars where your money at. You got so much to say and you ain't doing nothing, they'll hold much, it's all customer. I don't like that crazy and I see it too much. I see it.
Carmen Lezeth:Here's my opinion, because I can't believe what you people say. And okay, first of all, let me just say at the end of the video which we cut short because it was just taken too long, because I've seen it too many times but there's a woman who came to the table, didn't eat anything. Okay, she's sitting there and they're like, and the, the wife says and you have to pay too, but she's like I didn't eat nothing.
Tony D:You said the table, you got a paste to it.
Carmen Lezeth:Yes, okay, but okay. So here's my thing. I'm just gonna say it. This is how it is. None of those people would be my friends after that dinner. Nobody at that table would ever be invited to anything, ever again.
Carmen Lezeth:Number one they did ruin her birthday. But number two here's the thing if you invite people and this is how I do it if I invite you to Andrea's birthday party and I'm like you know, we're meeting at this place, blah, blah and I invite you and I don't tell you look it, you guys know I ain't got all this money. This is the restaurant she loves, or whatever. We all got to do it together, so it's gonna be like a hundred bucks each or whatever. I tell you up front what I. Here's the menu, whatever. That's different. But if I invite you and tell you to show up, i'ma pay the bill. And here's the thing you You're not gonna be clear about it.
Carmen Lezeth:To begin with, do not invite people anywhere. And, by the way, the other part of this that you all did say you Ruin that person's birthday, that was so to me. I would have been like these are the worst people To not organize this together and to embarrass me in this way. Shape of form. That's terrible. It's a birthday and you fighting over money and I know seven hundred dollars sounds like a lot of money but it really isn't. When it's your friendships, you know what I'm saying like it's your friendships and you just lost all these friends over your hundred dollars that you didn't want to Cash app or Venmo or whatever to somebody else to pay for your thing.
Rick Costa:So yeah, but the woman I felt worse for was she's like Well, that that's making me ask another question, because I've also been in this situation where, like, everybody's gonna order whatever and some people are ordering a lot expensive stuff, some are not, that are. Then they're like we're just gonna split it evenly between everybody. Well, what if somebody just drank water?
Andrea:I have been at a dinner with this situation before, like I have been at a birthday dinner like that and it like it was so awkward and uncomfortable because you had people who were like you know, I had a salad, other people had like full meals and glasses of wine and they were splitting it Lay me down, or something.
Andrea:Nightmare, you know, and the person whose birthday it was. I like I think I had told her earlier. I was like, just go, we'll meet you at your house, we'll take care of this, don't worry about it, you know. But everyone was like no, no, no, and like her aunt was trying to, she's like I was an accountant. I'm like girl. What is even happening, melanie?
Carmen Lezeth:I'm not saying seven hundred dollars is not a lot of money. I'm saying for your friendships tip. Like you like that table, that girls birthday? I would not be friends with any of the people at that table and over seven hundred dollars is not worth it. You know what I mean. Like people could have just like if I was at the table and people know me.
Carmen Lezeth:I have done this, like when it gets that ghetto, I will walk over and I don't care if I'm in debt up my ass, I will pay the damn bill with my credit card and walk away. And it's happened twice and yeah, I think you were at one dinner with me with that happen and and I don't have a lot of money. But I refuse to be in a situation where I'm stressing out the waiter, or the way that terms the waiter, and also Making a fool of all of ourselves that we chose to go to this restaurant. And now people over there with pens this was, you know, before everybody had things on their phones or whatever. We're trying to calculate what their water and then no, come on.
Andrea:You know like, oh my god, what is even happening right now? Yeah, it's awful, do you think?
Rick Costa:do you think that? So he said I didn't invite you, my wife invited you. So do you think maybe it's a little bit the wife's fault that she should have been clear up front and said listen.
Cynthia:That's why I said that my husband would not do that without discussing it with me. So yeah, as a partner, as a husband and wife, should have discussed who was gonna be there, who's gonna pay, and everything like that.
Rick Costa:That's what avoided, would avoid it and he should.
Carmen Lezeth:And he should turn on, said you know what? That's right. My wife invited you, I got this, whatever, and then he could have had his fight with his wife. Because I'm sorry, if you invite people, think about it. If I invite all of you out to dinner, I invite you and I don't tell you to be prepared and I take you to an expensive restaurant where it's gonna cost $700. Are you really expecting to pay? I'm not defending the, the dumb comments of you're the man at the table. That's not my point. I'm inviting all of you to come to dinner and I'm. We're going to a beautiful restaurant here in Beverly Hills. Are you all expecting to pay your own check?
Tony D:What if it was a surprise party for her?
Carmen Lezeth:that should have been organized. Same thing organized. I mean it doesn't matter, that should be.
Andrea:Discussed up front. If you're taking someone out to dinner, you like my treat, I will take you out to dinner. You know, not like hey, we're getting together, it Fucking David Buster's. Or like it's one thing. Like hey, we're gonna be there, meet us there. It's another thing to organize a dinner and not tell people ahead of time what the expectation is.
Carmen Lezeth:You can't read what Ted is right, but he's like. I can't wait for Carmen to bring a ATJ and LNMP to dinner lobster, shrimps and peach. I know Ted doesn't know me, because what's wrong with that?
Cynthia:comment everyone yeah so I've actually been both in both kind of situations.
Carmen Lezeth:Probably the hospital. I'd be in the hospital if we went to a place that had lobster, shrimp and peach knobs.
Cynthia:Go ahead, cynthia, I'm sorry Go ahead, okay, um, so the first time we were actually I was organizing a dinner for my old boss and there were 12 of us. We all had agreed, you know everyone's gonna pay for their own dinner. So we get there, everyone ate some ordered drinks, things like that, when it was time to pay, you know everybody's like oh how we doing this is not what I did was. I just ended up paying the bill myself, and then everyone just paid me.
Cynthia:Yeah you know afterwards, that was one situation. Another situation was recently I had went to dinner with my sister, my niece and two of her friends and her boyfriend. Her boyfriend Wanted to treat us to dinner, so there were six of us all together. He was the only man. Now I was still going with the intent of paying for my own dinner, because I don't know this man, I'm just going to meet him. He was inviting all of us. He was planning on paying for all of us. So when the bill came, you know the lady's like oh, you know how did you want to do this? Did you want to split it? And it's not. And he, just, I was ready to pull up my wallet and pay for my dinner. And he's like no, I got it, and he paid for everyone. So I've been in kind of both situations. So, but everything is always discussed beforehand.
Carmen Lezeth:But I love what you said be prepared to pay for your dinner. And that's a gesture. I mean I take colleagues out to work all the time, like people I work with, especially when they've done a really good job. Like I don't give people Personal gifts or whatever, but I, you know, I've taken quite a few people out to lunch and or to dinner, and One of the things that I love is when they're like no, no, no, no, no, I, I can, I can also share too, or I can pay them like I've taken you out, it's all good, you know what I mean, but it's a nice gesture to also be prepared to pay your portion or to want to share.
Carmen Lezeth:Be prepared to order within your own budget right, yeah, but that whole man thing I don't know what she was talking about that was.
Tony D:I was like that's what they do. I'm telling you that's a free example. That's what they do.
Cynthia:But, brian, stay away from those type of women.
Tony D:There's a lot of women out there like that skip was up there. There are a lot of women out there like that. I'm sorry.
Andrea:Like I was saying, I can't imagine being at a table with someone who would say that, like I don't know anyone in my life who would say something like that.
Tony D:There's a lot of women still want to be catered to and still want to be spoiled. A lot of women still want to be true like thing for them and they don't have to do them. But look, pretty, sit back. There's a lot of women.
Carmen Lezeth:Okay, but there's a lot of men that are jerks too.
Derrick Jaxn:Let's not generalize.
Carmen Lezeth:There's a lot of men who are jerks Okay.
Rick Costa:The unfortunate part is, if you ask the scrolls, tell me which was your. What was your favorite birthday ever and your worst birthday ever? She probably put this down as the worst birthday ever.
Carmen Lezeth:Yeah, I don't have friends like that. Look at it, when we all go out, I'm not even bringing my wallet. Look at you know what? I don't have friends like that because they all know. They all know I do not play this game. We don't do this. This is just, and here's the thing. If you can't afford, you know what, again I go back to. If you, if I invite people it's okay to invite people to you know, to like in and out, like it you know they mean like, if you want to, whenever you can afford.
Carmen Lezeth:I'm just saying, if it? Look at, there was a time when I didn't. I mean I'm acting like I have money now I do not, but there was a time when I couldn't afford him. But I still want to hang out with my friends and my friends aren't all rich, so we would go to wherever and we would, you know, just hang out and it would just be fun, but still, you know what, they would still pick up that tab.
Tony D:One of my homeboys I used to work with. He had he was going to a birthday party. He said he gonna go all out, do all this. I said okay, how much you need? He said I'm, the answer is, once you come to no, no, no, no, this is your birthday. How much do you need? I mean he's talking about cooking, having at least 30, 40 folks over. He's gonna foot the whole bill. I said, no, I ain't gonna do you like. I said anybody who lets you do that yourself, then that's real front that you need to work paying shit. So not only do we have to cook out, we rented stretch. Then we had like a party bus to a club in Atlanta from here, which is our own, have drive $200 and I'm looking at there, but it's like which I'm gonna do in there. So I kind of became the outcast. But my thing, we just said it's your birthday. We spoke.
Tony D:Yeah but the music we paid for nothing. That's something else. But don't expect somebody to set it all out for you to just show up and be there. That's some BS. To go to parties because I'm gonna have and they would tell me just come on, don't worry about it. That myself right right suppose, contribute to anybody's birthday in this their occasion. The one occasion you can even give anybody any aspect respectful is their damn birthday. It ain't that hard.
Carmen Lezeth:You know what I wish I could come. I just don't have the money, yeah, but I don't know why people like, oh I'm, but I think it's true. Somebody said gold diggers, oh yeah.
Rick Costa:Were they thinking like is there a man going at all? Oh, they're it, okay good. Like were they really thinking that Can we just say she was a dumb anomaly.
Carmen Lezeth:I don't want to put all women in that thing. I don't. The women I know would never do that. The young women I know would never do that. They're not that cheesy. That's what I'm saying. Things have changed and you guys are connecting with the wrong kind of women, cuz you keep saying women alike, that, women alike, that I'm like Surfing.
Andrea:You teach your kids like don't go anywhere without some money in your pocket to handle yourself you know and I have girls. So it's like you are not going anywhere without enough money to pay for yourself and get your ass home.
Carmen Lezeth:This is a tough one.
Cynthia:I don't know.
Carmen Lezeth:Yeah, well, it's interesting. I don't know. I just get annoyed because I think People again I've said this over and over again people make a big deal about money. It's never about money, it's about the respect part, you know. They mean like you don't have to go out to a fancy restaurant to spend time with your friends on your birthday and but you can't turn around and go somewhere and not expect to Participate in some way shape of form, and that means pay. If you cannot pay, then don't go, you know. But they should have set it up right. I also think it's really their fault. Again, I would not invite people without the full setup. For example, if Ted was coming out to LA and we were going to go somewhere, I would tell him we go in here, but we're gonna have separate chicks.
Cynthia:Melanie said Ted's gonna be washing dishes.
Carmen Lezeth:That's right, so, but yeah, I think we solved it, we good. Communication yes, it's about communication. We have money walk around, money we go, and right now, because we have hit the one hour mark, andrea, thank you so much for making it. I'm so appreciative of that. We I said at the beginning taking care of kids, whatever no, it's all good. Tony, thank you for jumping on. I appreciate you always, always. Thank you, cynthia, thank you and Rick, I love you. We'll see you all next week.
Cynthia:I'm sorry, happy birthday to you, happy birthday.
Rick Costa:I had to do it.
Carmen Lezeth:Thank you. Thank you everyone in the comments. Bye everyone. Thanks for stopping by. All about the joy be better and stay beautiful folks. Have a sweet day.