All About The Joy

Ride-or-Die Friendships: Navigating Bonds, Loyalty, and Life's Milestones

• Carmen Lezeth Suarez • Episode 174

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What if your friends were your anchors, your chosen family, standing by you through every high and low, just like a scene from "The Town"? Join us in the Private Lounge as we share a tapestry of stories celebrating those ride-or-die friendships. From heartwarming tales like Rick's friend rushing to his aid after a car accident, to the lighter side of friendship etiquette involving ringtones, we unravel the essence of connections that define our lives. These anecdotes remind us of the unspoken bond that transcends time and distance, reaffirming that true friendships are our life's greatest treasures.

As we journey through the modern landscape of friendships, we navigate the red flags and challenges that come with it. The irreplaceable value of live conversations in an era dominated by technology underscores the strength of bonds that withstand long silences. We delve into the significance of actions over words and the necessity of mutual support while highlighting the importance of steering clear of relationships that bring negativity. Through personal experiences and reflections, we stress the importance of honesty, communication, and setting high standards to nurture meaningful connections.

Amidst the complexities of life's milestones, workplace dynamics, and friendship fallouts, the episode offers a candid exploration of loyalty and boundaries. Personal stories illustrate the emotional toll of losing friends during pivotal moments and the comfort of unwavering support. We share insights on maintaining professionalism in workplace friendships and the bittersweet memories of childhood connections. With humor and heartfelt reflection, we emphasize the importance of sincerity and gratitude in sustaining these bonds, leaving you with a renewed appreciation for the evolving dynamics of your closest friendships.

Thank you for stopping by. Please visit our website: All About The Joy and add, like and share. You can also support us by shopping at our STORE - We'd appreciate that greatly. Also, if you want to find us anywhere on social media, please check out the link in bio page.

Music By Geovane Bruno, Moments, 3481
Editing by Team A-J
Host, Carmen Lezeth


DISCLAIMER: As always, please do your own research and understand that the opinions in this podcast and livestream are meant for entertainment purposes only. States and other areas may have different rules and regulations governing certain aspects discussed in this podcast. Nothing in our podcast or livestream is meant to be medical or legal advice. Please use common sense, and when in doubt, ask a professional for advice, assistance, help and guidance.

Carmen Lezeth:

Hey everyone, welcome to the Private Lounge. All about the joy with Cynthia, Rick, Mario and Alma and myself. Hi, everyone.

Maurio Dawson:

Hello, hello.

Carmen Lezeth:

Yeah. So I'm really excited because we're doing this kind of closed, private Lounge thing and it's so much fun. And today we're going to talk about my favorite subject friendships. Hello, I sent you all kind of the little syllabus. Okay, no, I'm just kidding, but I'll tell you what happened this week that kind of spurred this on. There were a couple things. Cynthia sent me an Instagram. I think I sent it to all of you so you could see it. I think all of you had posted on it and had sent it to me before. But one of the things that happened was I was with a client we're in this, it was a three-person meeting thing and I got a text message from one of my good friends. Her father died and I have a different ring for all my good friends None of you, but no, I'm just kidding.

Maurio Dawson:

There's not a day on it all.

Cynthia Ruiz Lopez:

No, so we were in the middle. We need the warning sign.

Carmen Lezeth:

I have a story about that, but we'll wait. But we were in the middle of this deep conversation it was a lawyer, one of my other clients, whatever and I turned around and I was like, excuse me, I need to step out of this meeting. It wasn't even a question, no-transcript.

Cynthia Ruiz Lopez:

I mean, like the video I sent you. I sent it to everyone.

Carmen Lezeth:

Maybe describe the video, because maybe describe the video.

Cynthia Ruiz Lopez:

The video was the actual scene from I believe it was the Town. I believe it was the movie from, I believe it was the Town, I believe it was the movie with Ben Affleck. And he walks in and he's talking to Jeremy Renner and he's like we're about to do some bad things and hurt some people, but don't ask me questions. And the other one's just like okay, whose car are we taking?

Cynthia Ruiz Lopez:

Like that's a friendship no questions nothing, it's like all right. Where are we going? Let's go. Friendship no questions nothing, it's like all right, where are we going? Let's go.

Carmen Lezeth:

That's the type of friendship I feel like. That's your ride or die person. You know, we had this conversation before, remember we had all these people were on or whatever, and they were talking about ride or die and I was confused what ride or die means? Because I'm like my best friend is my best friend. Ride or die is not even a question. You know what I mean. But, rick, what were you thinking about? Kind of that video or kind of what?

Rick Costa:

friendship means to you. Yeah, like my best friend now. When I was in an accident he lives like maybe 30 minutes away. I called him. I said I got into an accident, he was there in 20 minutes. I'm like, ooh, you drove fast, like for real, like ride or die, like anything. Anytime I need anything, that boy's always there. Flat tire one time he, because the car replaced, car repair place is like maybe a couple of blocks, but I live at the top. I live at the top of a hill. I was like I ain't gonna call a tow truck just to go a couple blocks. It seems silly. So he came again half boom. That point was more than half an hour and we pushed it because I was too true to get a tow truck twice okay, we need to get you triple A, but that's a whole other conversation.

Carmen Lezeth:

And if triple A wants to sponsor us, we're available for that. Triple A is free unless you have the premium no, no, but that's a good validation of a great friend. They'll come and help you do something so you don't have to spend like moving costs. Like whenever I have to move, I'm like, let's see who my friends is. Now that I've gotten older, though, I don't do that to my friends, right, because we're all like I don't do that to my friends, but back in the day, that was the test who gonna?

Carmen Lezeth:

come and help me and move Mario Alma thought process.

Maurio Dawson:

As far as like all of my friends have been like friends now for probably 35, 40 years, like all of my, like my best friend she's Marissa's godmother and Alma's best friend is also Marissa's godmother They've been like if we call them for anything, they're just dropping everything and they're coming. Friendship that's what a writer guy is. I have a few people who will pull up. I have another friend on the thug side. If I need somebody handled, I know who to call. Like the movie I do I know who to call?

Carmen Lezeth:

Wait a second.

Cynthia Ruiz Lopez:

Go ahead Alma.

Alma Dawson:

So same, so same. I have, I mean, I can count my really good friends on one hand, have a lot of acquaintances, but uh, my very best friend, we've been best friends since we were 12, um, and it's never been. You know, no matter how long we go without speaking or anything that's happening in our lives, we always pick up right where no time has passed, and there's been a few times where we have been connected for, you know, a span of time, but it's never diminished the bond or the love. It's always been that way between us. I love her Really. She's my sister.

Carmen Lezeth:

She's not my best friend, she's my sister. That's my chosen family. It's funny because my friends from when I was in grammar school who were my best friends, or when I danced or whatever it's so funny because for me, friendships have changed over the years, like those were my good friends and they're still on Facebook or whatever, but I don't know if I would say they're my best friends anymore, because it's changed. My relationships have changed. So it's interesting that for you that's still that same person. I love that. I love that. I'm jealous. It's cool, yeah.

Alma Dawson:

And I actually have another one same era that I'm jealous. It's cool, yeah, and I actually have another one same era. But our friendship is strong. But she's not my best friend, but but we're really good friends and we still connect. Once a month we go have breakfast or lunch and uh, you know so, um, but I used to have a lot more friends and most of them, like you, they've fallen off off.

Carmen Lezeth:

I've kept those two for sure very strong how do you guys stay in touch with your friends? What are some of the ways in which you stay in touch with old friends, new friends, best friends?

Alma Dawson:

I believe in picking up the phone, so I will call um, you know that's gen x.

Alma Dawson:

That's gen x you know, and actually when, and actually when my sister moved away because she got married and she moved away, we would write to each other. So we would write letters and cards. We were on different journeys spiritually and she was, I'll say, ahead of me, so she was very encouraging to me on my spiritual path. So then that also really bonded us a lot because you know, really early on in our marriage we had a lot of challenges with Mario's health and everything and being newlyweds and having those challenges. She had already been married. We would write, but definitely I pick up the phone. I'm the kind that will pick up the phone and at least just say actually just did it last night. Hey, I just wanted to call and hear your voice, you doing okay, it doesn't have to be a long phone call, but just letting them thinking about you, do you need anything? And just have a quick check-in.

Carmen Lezeth:

Okay, rick, what's your thought process on how you stay in touch with friends?

Rick Costa:

so pretty much my best friend, whose name's cory, pretty much mostly the only one I really interact with on a regular basis at all because, again, my situation mom, most all my friends are from church who are in a city about 45 minutes away, and we use this app called Marco Polo which, if you never heard of it, it's similar to FaceTime but it's not live, so that way. I just saw a funny video on this somebody it was two guys and two girls talking like if somebody FaceTimes, you do answer right away always. And the girls, yeah, and the boys are like no, you gotta let me know, you gotta text me ahead of time, like it's a schedule. That's why I like marco polo, because you just simply record a message and when they want they can look at it and at their convenience. So that's how we primarily talk. Yeah, and that's how we've actually talked the whole time, even before when I was quote free. We constantly use that app and, yeah, it's awesome, I love it.

Carmen Lezeth:

It's awesome because we've maintained like instagram you just it's like a voice note it's video oh, it's video.

Rick Costa:

It's video yeah, but it's not live like facetime, like I don't say away from the answer, no, I just record it and then, when he sees it, he'll respond back got you, got you, go ahead.

Carmen Lezeth:

Mario, how do you stay in touch with friends? I mean, for me it's phone, phone call.

Maurio Dawson:

primarily. Social media has come into play to help me relocate not relocate but reconnect with certain people and then, oh, then, after that that's about it. But once some people, I'm okay with you following them because you weren't, you weren't a good friend when you were around, so it's fine. But other people it's a happy reconnection and text calling, but primarily calling because I don't. Sometimes people can talk too long via text. I rather just call.

Carmen Lezeth:

I hate the whole texting thing. I'm not good at it. I'm not good at the whole texting for paragraph long conversations. I can't stand it. If that's me being old, I'm embracing it. It's all good.

Rick Costa:

There's also a lot of people that use the voice up thing. They don't text. I mean, they're texting but they're talking into the phone. I do that yeah.

Carmen Lezeth:

I think, like Alma said, sometimes I just want to have a live conversation. I just want to have a live conversation. I just want to have, I want to have that connection. There's no, I get it. I do the voice notes too and stuff, but I just feel like sometimes you need to like, when Mia texts me, it's her father who died. When she texts me, I knew what she was doing, but I picked up that phone. I was like and I knew that what she wanted was to have a conversation. Even if she didn't think that's what you, I knew that's what my best friend needed. That's what my best friend needed and all I did was you okay?

Carmen Lezeth:

And then the whole conversation came out and I said nothing except at the end. What can I do for you? I'm here.

Cynthia Ruiz Lopez:

Cynthia With me. I think it depends on who it is. Some friends will text back and forth, others will call, and then sometimes I'll have dinner or brunch or whatever with a couple other friends. So it just depends on who it is and how we'd like to communicate. But it's between texting and phone calls usually, and I do have a couple of friends doing brunch.

Carmen Lezeth:

I I don't remember different because we're not friends. Is that like family?

Cynthia Ruiz Lopez:

I don't remember the brunch thing, but my, my jet was was broken for the shop but, mario, you had brought up something and I wanted to know.

Carmen Lezeth:

Like you said, some things have changed over time. I know our friendship was really developing and solid when I was at brand new school and you were at City National Bank and it was just this. It was a professional relationship, but then it totally delved into something else because I needed the therapy you were provided For me. It was a really solid friendship and then I got to know you and then, over time here's what I love about you and this is what I think about. This is what I think real friendship is about. We didn't talk for years. We were on each other's Facebook or whatever, for whatever reason, but the minute we were like connected again and I forget why we talked again or whatever it was like, it wasn't like why didn't you call me?

Carmen Lezeth:

no, there's no time talk to me like there was. It was like oh, yesterday we were together.

Maurio Dawson:

Now it's been a few years, but hey, what's up yeah, it was like those are the friends you want, where, if time gets away, you just pick up right where you left off, because that means it was a solid friendship to begin with. Some people you can let them fall off and you're okay with that, because I know I am. But yeah, that's a sign of a good friend, and a true friend is when you can pick up where you left off.

Carmen Lezeth:

And it's easy right. Easy peasy Friends that bring me drama are not friends. They become acquaintances very quick.

Maurio Dawson:

Save for the people in the back.

Carmen Lezeth:

It's for real, though it's for real. We talked a little bit about technology, so I don't want to step there, but what are some red flags in your friendships? And I feel like Alma might be able to just jump in this, but what are some? Because, look, I really believe you need to define for yourself what a friend is and what an acquaintance is, and if you blur them lines, that's where you get in trouble. And I'm just curious for you what are some red flags?

Alma Dawson:

I think for me, I think over the years in this year you get, as you get older, you definitely get wiser with how people treat you, but you really have to watch not what people say but what they actually do, and I think that's like a big thing. I think that over the years, I would definitely let some people go because of that, I really. Another red flag is if you find yourself with someone who's always in competition with you instead of celebrating you and allowing you to celebrate. If you're celebrating them but they're not celebrating you. Red flag.

Alma Dawson:

You know if the only time they reach out to you it's because they need something, then big red flag. You know, if the only time they reach out to you it's because they need something, then big red flag. But then when you in turn need something, they never pick up. They didn't get the call, they missed the text red flag. So just those are. Those have been been. But the really big one for me was your friendship should never be a place where you feel demeaned or a place where someone is making you feel less than, and if you're in a friendship that's like that, it's not a friendship.

Carmen Lezeth:

So get out. Go ahead, Cynthia.

Cynthia Ruiz Lopez:

I'm not hearing those words. I'm agreeing 100% with Alma. It's true. You guys know, I started this new job a few months ago and I observe people. I observe them to see how they, like you said, how they treat people, how they talk about other people, because then you know already what they're about. You know they're going to do the exact same thing to you.

Cynthia Ruiz Lopez:

And my old job. I knew everybody there for 10 years so I knew who were my friends, who are my sisters, and I still talk to them, I hang out with them, we have lunch stuff like that. So you just observe and just watch them and see how they treat others, and that's when you know Can.

Maurio Dawson:

I just say something, of course. Another red flag is my grandmother and mother both say if a person will bring a bone, they'll carry a bone, meaning if they're coming gossiping to you, you better believe they're going back gossiping about you.

Cynthia Ruiz Lopez:

That's right.

Maurio Dawson:

That is not a friend. Take that for all you listeners. Remember, if they bring a bone, they'll carry a bone. Ooh, that's a good one Right.

Carmen Lezeth:

If somebody's coming and telling you bunching cheddar and whatever and they're gossiping, they're doing the same thing Absolutely. If somebody turned around and talked to somebody else, Ooh, that's a good one.

Maurio Dawson:

That's not a real friend.

Cynthia Ruiz Lopez:

Nope, that's not even an acquaintance.

Maurio Dawson:

No.

Carmen Lezeth:

I ain't in charge, go ahead. I'm just trying to move the conversation on so that we make sure, cynthia and Rick here's one of the things I noticed and I'm going to leave this in the track. It's so hard to get you two to speak.

Rick Costa:

You've been saying so-and-so talk.

Carmen Lezeth:

I'm trying to get the movement going, not to be like you know, just get the conversation going, Feel free.

Maurio Dawson:

You're trying to follow the director and the producer.

Carmen Lezeth:

And then the idea is to get the flow going. You know what I mean. I got you I understood.

Rick Costa:

I think a big thing is also give and take. It should be pretty much more or less equal give and take. But if it's like I'm giving, giving and all you're doing is taking, taking, taking, I'm sorry, vampire, I don't need you. You are just taking, taking, taking and that's draining. And who wants to be around somebody that constantly takes and never is? Oh, but I'm your friend.

Carmen Lezeth:

I'm your friend, yeah, because sometimes it's hard to see, though, isn't it? Sometimes it's hard like when you're in it and you really like somebody. It's hard to see it.

Cynthia Ruiz Lopez:

It's hard to see it and that's not just with friendships, that's any relationship, that's with family that's with spouses. That's not just with friendships. That's any relationship. That's with family, that's with spouses, that's any relationship. It always should be a give and take.

Carmen Lezeth:

I'm having a moment, I'm sorry, what All relationships have to be.

Alma Dawson:

I think, especially with family, especially, I think, in the Latino culture you're so conditioned to. Well, that's your family, that's your family.

Alma Dawson:

And so then when you are giving, giving and there's no, you know and of course we're taught that you don't give expecting anything in return. But you know, there there has to be boundaries. But you know, there there has to be boundaries. So I'm happy for this era that we're in about boundaries and people learning boundaries, and I definitely worked really hard on breaking that cycle for for my daughter and not being because we're really conditioned to be people pleasers. So it's a hard cycle to break and it it's weird, because the truth is, we need reciprocation.

Carmen Lezeth:

We're social beings. Like I love people. Like no, no, no, I don't need anything. When I give, what I get back is the joy that I gave. There is something in giving, even if you're donating money, donating your time, whatever, what I get back in, that is a feeling of joy. And it's the same thing with friendships. And so I hear you and I don't know if it's just to the Latino community, but it's for sure the Latino community we definitely are people pleasers. It's definitely all about we need to expect nothing and blah, blah, blah.

Maurio Dawson:

And I think that's also a version of Christianity too.

Carmen Lezeth:

You know what I mean the whole sacrificing, humility, humbleness, and there's something in that that I understand, but we go too far. We go too far.

Maurio Dawson:

There's nothing wrong with reciprocity. I think there should always be reciprocity. But I also believe I am the type of friend where I pour into my friends but I can't pour. I can't empty my cup pouring into you. If I'm pouring into you, guess what friend? Every now and then I'm going to need you to pour into me. I might not need as much, but I need you to pour into me. But you need a friend who is aware. That's a good friend, because if they're aware, I say my friend needs something. Or hey, friend, what do you need? I see your patterns have changed. You've gotten quiet. What's going on? How can I help? That's the type of friend you need. Or picking up the phone and leaving a message and just say hey, friend. Even if they don't pick up, say hey, friend, I'm thinking about you, because there are so many times when I was sick I couldn't pick up the phone. But getting that message got me through and that's the sign of a true friend just helping somebody push through.

Cynthia Ruiz Lopez:

It was funny Today. This morning I was thinking to myself at work. I'm like, oh man, I have to call my friend Marie and Nini. I haven't talked to them in a while and don't you know, within an hour or two Nini's calling me, like hey, I'm here, let's have lunch. I was like, oh my God, I was like I was just thinking about you.

Carmen Lezeth:

I love when that happens. Yeah, I love when that happens. Little things like that are you know. This happened with Alden. I know he listening, that's why I'm saying his name. He pissed me off and I didn't like understanding who your friends are and understanding how they behave. So on his birthday I did not wish him a happy birthday because I was pissed, because I ain't like that, I ain't going to be like, oh yeah, happy birthday. You know what I mean. I know. I know I am mean.

Maurio Dawson:

I know, that's Patty.

Cynthia Ruiz Lopez:

Uh-oh, happy birthday, alden, if you're listening.

Maurio Dawson:

Yeah, happy birthday.

Carmen Lezeth:

But wait. So he then in turn on my birthday, because we hadn't talked for months, because we had a falling out. I still loved him, but we had a falling out and it was major. It was a major thing. And then I missed his birthday on purpose. And then on my birthday he called me and I picked up the phone. Yes, he did. He was like happy birthday. And I was like look, I know, I didn't call you on your birthday, I did it on purpose.

Cynthia Ruiz Lopez:

And he's like I know you did.

Carmen Lezeth:

I'm just saying don't be your friends. And that's what I appreciated about him. He knew that I was pissed. He could not talk to me at that time. He waited so that then we could laugh about it on my birthday you know what I mean Like he did what he needed to do, and I think that's the other thing I appreciate. Now he could have chosen never to talk to me again. I would have been fine with that. That's how angry I was, but I would have missed him. But still, I was so upset.

Cynthia Ruiz Lopez:

But he knew, he knew to give you your time and he's. I'm going to call her on the right day and I'm going to get her.

Carmen Lezeth:

But I think that's also a mark of a good friend who knows you well enough. You know what I mean.

Carmen Lezeth:

Me and Andrea have had some moments. It it's rare. So when me and Andrea have moments, she knows how I am. I will just avoid talking to her. You know what I mean, but she's different. She ain't going to wait till her birthday. She going to call me when she's ready and she'll be like pick up the phone. You know what I mean. Pick up the phone. I need to talk to you. Oh, I'm petty. I'm petty like that.

Maurio Dawson:

You say petty-lu-ya because you are petty.

Rick Costa:

Ladies and gentlemen, this is Petty LaBelle. Petty LaBelle.

Carmen Lezeth:

You know what, when I get angry it's rare, when I get angry at somebody for doing something I think is unethical, immoral I will not talk to you, I just won't do it. It doesn't mean I don't love you, but I need some time.

Maurio Dawson:

I need some time. But see, the thing is, you can also, when you're mad with a friend, a true friend, you're supposed to be able to pick up the phone and say, hey, this is what pissed me off, I love you. Through it, I let him know.

Carmen Lezeth:

We had a scream and match about it, but that's what I'm saying is that we didn't talk. I don't want to talk about me and Alden in my relationship. What I'm trying to say is I think a best friend or a real friend who knows you, knows that about you. Yeah, reach out to you anyway. And I was being petty, but I was angry and there was. No, he doesn't live here. It's not like I could walk to his house and scream and yell and have a fight Like we both. I hung up the phone, he hung up the phone I tried to call. It was and I'm like that's it, it's over. I'm not going to call him on his birthday, until it was really cool when he called me because I was like damn.

Carmen Lezeth:

That's how you felt bitch, Nope, didn't feel like that at all. Not at all. I felt that's a man who loves me and I love him and he gets me and he understands that we could work through it. So I actually don't fight with people. When I'm really angry with you, I think Rick and I or Cynthia and I talked Cynthia knows when I'm really mad at you you're not going to hear from me. That's not what happened with Mario. Oh, you're saying that's what you like.

Alma Dawson:

No, that's what I do.

Carmen Lezeth:

That's what he's like. No, I thought you were saying that's what happened between me and you.

Maurio Dawson:

No, if I'm seething, you better be afraid of my silence.

Carmen Lezeth:

Okay, that's what happened with me and Alden. That's what happened. What did you just do? What was that?

Maurio Dawson:

A notification popped up in the middle of my screen. What did you just do? What was that?

Carmen Lezeth:

I let the notification pop up in the middle of my period, oh, when I'm seething Boom.

Maurio Dawson:

Boom, you're out the door, You're out.

Cynthia Ruiz Lopez:

Side left when.

Carmen Lezeth:

Cynthia first started on the app on doing the live stream. She was cleaning the camera she was like she literally did that.

Cynthia Ruiz Lopez:

It was so funny.

Alma Dawson:

Cynthia was talking about friends at the workplace. I don't okay. So the first location where I was there for 20, 20 plus years and I learned some very hard lessons there you can't be friends with your coworkers. That's my experience I had a lot of, because a lot of people cannot separate when you're a supervisor, they cannot separate a friendship from the work and they take it personally.

Carmen Lezeth:

When I moved over to this new location where I am very purposefully Cognizant.

Alma Dawson:

Cognizant yes. Of not blurring those lines, and it's definitely helped me to be able to be more efficient, because I'm able to say, hey, this is not correct, this is what it is, and just be able to roll with it without having to consider oh, what is this going to do to the friendship? Because there is no, no.

Carmen Lezeth:

You were in a different position than than maybe what Cynthia's talking about. I'm not friends with my clients. I have two clients who are like let's go and have a drink. I'm like absolutely not, absolutely not, Never. Do you know what I mean? Because I have to handle their money and I've been through that. But are there other people that work in a similar position that I do with other people that I might mingle with? Sure, you know what I mean, but I also would never be friends with somebody who is and I say this respectfully that I supervisor is below me. Does that make sense? You're talking about your coworkers. You're actually a team. You're all on the same level pretty much.

Cynthia Ruiz Lopez:

Yeah, I would never do that with my supervisor. If I was a supervisor, I yeah, I wouldn't never do that but I'm talking about like my equal.

Carmen Lezeth:

Yeah.

Cynthia Ruiz Lopez:

What happened?

Carmen Lezeth:

You can't share that. What happened with the other experience? You can't really share that.

Maurio Dawson:

Um, you say without telling anyone it sounds juicy.

Carmen Lezeth:

What happened Like?

Alma Dawson:

just people get their feelings hurt, and so then they want to, then they want to, then they want to say, oh, you should have just let me know without you know without without making it official or things like that, and it's no, because then that brings into question my like you said, my integrity, my, so no, I'm not gonna do that for anyone, literally.

Alma Dawson:

So it's no. So, like I said, it was just a lesson for myself to know that even though I'm able to separate other people can't always well maria knows, a brand new school.

Carmen Lezeth:

That happened to me. I was friends with all them people and when things got really bad, I I quit on the spot. I quit on the spot and I was. Jonathan was like a brother to me. I knew his mom very well, like I was all up in it, and that's where I learned my lesson Never.

Maurio Dawson:

And that was a mistake.

Alma Dawson:

And then same I was there for people, for their kids' birth, weddings for parents, deaths, all of those things, not just as a co-worker but as a friend and it, like you said, it was like I was like nope, never again, I won't do this again because, at the end of the day also, your boss is your boss and they will.

Carmen Lezeth:

they are. I mean, that's what happened with Jonathan. He then thought it was okay to talk to me the way he did, and not only was he wrong about talking to me in that way, anyway just, but it also was like wait, what about our friendship? I thought we were. I thought we, you're like my little brother, and it was. He was like you are not my sister. You know what I mean Exactly? He was like I am your boss and I am choosing to do this. And I'm like then I quit, and that's how that happened. It was hardcore, it was. And then there was like a whole other yelling, screaming, match thing that happened after that. It was horrible. Leaving brand new school was the best thing I ever did. I should have done it four years before, but the way it happened was so sad because I had put my heart and soul into that company.

Alma Dawson:

Heart and soul into that company, heart and soul, into it.

Carmen Lezeth:

I know, I know, I know, rick, what about you?

Rick Costa:

I mean as far as work, I can be shocking, a little naive, and think, yeah, these people are my friends, these people are my friends, but then when you leave, all of a sudden, it's cool. They don't know you at all, they don't care, you ain't work with them, no more. They don't even care, even if they're on social media, like I've tried reaching out to people. Sometimes they answer something real brief or they don't even say nothing back. They don't even bother looking, checking nothing, whatever. Yeah, I could be a little naive that way. Yeah, we're friends, we're friends, yeah, at work, but that's it, it don't go further than that.

Carmen Lezeth:

What about internet? You have a lot of friends you met on HAPS and you met online. I think that's interesting too, like the dynamic of how social media helps us, especially when we're isolated, in whatever our job or state is. Especially, the situation you're in is very I don't want to say unique, because there are a lot of people going through what you're going through taking care of a parent and stuff. But I think is it harder for you excuse me to make friends because you're relying on online relationships. But you've met a lot of people that you've met online. And how is that different or good, or you know what I mean Like, what is that like?

Rick Costa:

Yeah, I mean, there's definitely not the same as face-to-face. Being able to talk to somebody face-to-face Because, yeah, most of the right now probably more friends online than in real life. Because, again, the situation.

Maurio Dawson:

I'm your friend, rick, don't you worry, I am your friend, you can call me, I feel it.

Rick Costa:

You got it. I'm my name. Oh no, that's another song. Yeah, so it's definitely different. It's definitely not the same as face-to-face. So it's definitely different. It's definitely not the same as face-to-face. Let's go to the movies. I can't say that with somebody who lives across the country. Yeah, but can I say I've had real friendships that way. Yeah.

Carmen Lezeth:

Not maybe quite as deep, but almost as deep as a face-to-face. I think you've been hurt only because I know the situation. I know you've been hurt as deeply as I've been in person with friendships, because our emotions I don't think change if it's online versus in real life. Is that fair to say for you? I don't want to speak on your behalf, but I just know of a certain situation where I think you were really hurt by what happened and I think that's real too. I think social media does matter. It doesn't make it any less fake of a friendship.

Rick Costa:

Yeah, because, even though I said before it's give and take, I feel like I'm a giver and it's just naturally that way. I want to give to my detriment, even if it hurts, even if it's like you're hurting yourself because you'd be taking care of you. But I'll be like, but I need to help them. I've already had therapy about this. They said I got a messianic complex. Okay, meaning thank you to Messiah. You won't save everybody, I know. I even had the nerve to say to him and I go what's wrong with that? That's wrong with that, that you don't know the problem. So, yeah, I'm working on it.

Carmen Lezeth:

I don't think there's anything wrong. I mean, I think you're a good person and you I mean this is the flip side of it. I think you want the best in people and I don't think there's anything wrong with that. I think the situation that I know of it's like when you're in it, you cannot see it. When you're in it, you cannot see the hole you're in, you can't see above, you can't see it, you're not even looking up. And I think people, intentionally or unintentionally, will take advantage of that. And I think that's what was happening with that situation and I'm sorry you went through that and we've all gone through that, but I don't think it's any different from social media or in real life. And I think that's the other part of it too, because I've been through it before. I saw it easily. I saw it easily.

Carmen Lezeth:

So once you've experienced it, you'll never let that happen again.

Alma Dawson:

You won't In real life. For us, I think it's every time we reached another I'll say milestone for our lives, we've had people fall off, people who we thought were really going to go. The distance would just oh okay. So I see you now and it really hurt. I'll say first, when we got engaged, when we got engaged, we saw a few people's true colors and it was like okay. Then, when we got married, it was like a whole nother, like another group of people not understanding how our marriage works. I think that's more of a jealousy thing,

Alma Dawson:

yes again, but that's not friends, because yeah, instead of celebrating, you know, and then when we had, and then when, soon after he was, he was ill, and it was like that was really eye opening to, to see the people who, like I said you watch their actions and not their words, there were a lot of words spoken oh, whatever you need, whenever you need it, all of those things, and then when you call on them, nowhere to be found, and it's really, it's very isolating when you're going through that, not just for me as a caretaker, but for him also being not being well, it's in in different ways for both of us and then to have those people who you were counting on, really not for anything more than just, uh, the friendship or the support, to just drop you because they don't know how to deal with what, what your situation is at that time the true test of who someone isn't when things are easy, it's when things are hard.

Alma Dawson:

Yeah yeah, but I'll tell you what the next time that we really saw a change was when we had our daughter, because then it was like a whole nother group of people who were like oh, you have a kid now, your life is over, you're not going to be able to do anything. Oh my God, like it was. I'm telling you. It was just like it's like at every like different, like I said, like a milestone, whether it be good or bad, mario and I always really talk about it and just say God removes those people.

Carmen Lezeth:

you don't need just to make room for the people who are going to be there for you On the flip side, did you see the opposite, where people that you didn't realize would come through and just were there for you? Did you see?

Alma Dawson:

that I'll say. It was the true blue people who were already we already knew were going to.

Carmen Lezeth:

I know when. Mario's upset with somebody because he'd be preaching on Facebook or Instagram. I'm like, ooh, somebody did Mario wrong. Because he will post something and you just know.

Maurio Dawson:

Yeah, because the thing is, I'm loyal to a fault, but and I ride hard for my friends I have learned not to pour my expectations on them. I have to meet people where they are and understand that we are not in the same space. However, there is a standard and a level that I expect in any friendship. I expect honesty, I expect communication, I expect honesty, I expect communication. And when those things don't come through and I've asked you and I've told you directly what I'm searching for not searching for, but what I'm looking for in a friendship and you don't come through, yeah, then I got to cut you loose Because life is I'm getting too old, life is too short, I don't have time for the bullshit.

Maurio Dawson:

It's either piss or get off the pot. If you're going to be here, if you're not, step off. I don't have time. But my friends, like my real true blues, have been my true blues. I had one person show up at my door when I had my kidney transplant out of the blue. I thought he was coming to rekindle the friendship. No, he was coming to rekindle the friendship. No, he was coming to clear his conscience. Okay, but do you? I saw him that one time. He showed up at my door.

Maurio Dawson:

He had his tail tucked between his legs and I just want to apologize. Okay, thank you. And then I never heard from him again, which was fine. But don't do, I'm not here to, I'm not your priest, I'm not your counselor, you shouldn't have showed up. That's not being a friend. And then the same thing about the ringtones I got to come back to that. The ringtones, the ringtones Sometimes we as our friends, we have special ringtones for our friends, Certain people right.

Carmen Lezeth:

Well, I'm going to call you right now, see what rings, don't do that Because somebody?

Maurio Dawson:

okay, that's the whole point of this story.

Carmen Lezeth:

I'm kidding, I'm kidding, I'm kidding.

Maurio Dawson:

No, that's the whole point of this story. I have a friend and I call him my brother, so his ringtone came on. I was in the hospital. It says your brother's on the phone, and so I pick up. I'm like, hey, bro, I can talk to you right now. Another friend was in the room. He calls me his bro, but we were just working on that friendship. So he picks up the phone to see if he gets a ringtone.

Maurio Dawson:

It's this regular ringtone and his feelings were hurt when I say he was butt hurt and he has never recovered like even right now. We're friends but we're not the same over a ringtone.

Cynthia Ruiz Lopez:

That's awesome.

Maurio Dawson:

Wow, I'm telling you, it's crazy, these ringtones. I'm like come on y'all. She was devastating. Was he not Devastating?

Cynthia Ruiz Lopez:

Juan actually has a special ringtone for me and it's hilarious. When I call it it says warning, it's the wife. So anytime I call him and he's around, like outside or his friends or whatever they think, first they hear the siren and they're like what's going on, what's going on? And then they hear it's the wife, it's the wife. They just start cracking.

Carmen Lezeth:

Okay, I have a client who has the and it's the only reason why I know the Star Wars. That Star Wars theme Darth Vader. I'm like that is wrong.

Cynthia Ruiz Lopez:

That is so wrong.

Carmen Lezeth:

I almost bring Tony Do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do- oh, that's good, you keep that secret, but you probably have to tell people because you're like no, no, no, that's the wife that's the wife that's the wife baby and then another friend I was super pissed off with and I changed the ringtone and I forgot to change it back.

Maurio Dawson:

So the ringtone said asshole calling oh, that's not petty.

Carmen Lezeth:

I didn't realize. You and I are so alike. I didn't realize. I never knew that, but I think we were pretty much really alike yes, that's why we get along so well. I'm hardcore. I can count my friends on my one hand and I'm okay. I don't think you need to have a lot of friends.

Cynthia Ruiz Lopez:

But my friend.

Carmen Lezeth:

Richard. May he rest in peace. This is the argument we used to have all the time he said my standards are too high and I was like your standards are too low. And he learned that really the hard way Because when he got in trouble, the only people he was one of these people he would be in like in an airport in singapore and he would know somebody. Everybody knew richard. Everybody knew who he was, no matter where he was in the world. Everybody would know this really tall, black, beautiful man. They would always know him and he thought those were all friends.

Carmen Lezeth:

And when he got in trouble and he did he got in trouble and he did. He got in trouble he was accused of sexual harassment. That did not happen. I love him and I trust him. You know what I mean. He was my ride or die. He was one of my ride or dies, but he got accused of sexual harassment. Everybody gone except for two of us and thousands of people that he thought were his friends. And we were there, we got you, we're here for you and he lost his job over there. You know what I mean. This was a big deal, a huge big deal, but that's what happens, like the test of your friendship isn't when things are easy, but it's when things are hard. Now, did he make some mistakes along the way? He absolutely did, and you being in the education field, I always think about this. Cynthia, this my seventh grade teacher took me in. I lived in her apartment. If that happened today, teachers would be accused of everything under the sun, but that was my saving grace.

Carmen Lezeth:

I would take it to school by my third grade teacher in a car. He would pick me up and drive me so I'd make sure I would go to school. You know what I mean. It's just like things have changed now, but even back then, if people knew what teachers were doing back then I think even teachers. We can talk about teachers on another day, but I'm just saying they are so disrespectful and so in the things that they do to try to save their children and always go above and beyond.

Alma Dawson:

It starts from the office all the way to the teachers.

Maurio Dawson:

Truly Shout out to Abbott Elementary Boom.

Cynthia Ruiz Lopez:

Oh, great show right.

Maurio Dawson:

Because that's what they talk about there all the time.

Alma Dawson:

But they really should do more on the office because the office has some really funny stories. They got the juice.

Maurio Dawson:

I'll have to send an email and be like More on the office because the office has some really funny stories.

Alma Dawson:

They got the juice, yes.

Maurio Dawson:

We got the juice.

Alma Dawson:

I'll have to send an email and be like you need to bring me on.

Carmen Lezeth:

Yeah, but it's that thing too, like you. Just I don't want to switch it over to talking about teachers, but it's that same thing is you don't realize? It's not just about learning math or learning English or going to gym or whatever. It's like teachers for me went above and beyond and literally my saving grace as to why I am here today. It's not even a question, you know, but yeah, it's. I don't know.

Carmen Lezeth:

Relationships are hard. Okay, let me ask you this thing Do you guys have a great or miserable story of a friend that you miss? I'll start. I had a friend that I used to hang out with all the time. We used to go to dinner all the time. We used to go at least once a month to some, and I wouldn't say I'm a foodie, but I love going to expensive restaurants and I remember even at that time I was like saving my money because this woman, she could go, she got money, we would go out to eat and we were going to do halves and halves, whatever. And somewhere along the way, something happened where I heard she talked about a group of people.

Carmen Lezeth:

She's Jewish and she talked people in a certain kind of way. That's all I need to know Because I can easily you know what I mean. Like you can't be and me not think at some point. It's not going to come towards me.

Maurio Dawson:

Right, you know what I mean.

Carmen Lezeth:

And so I always think about that. I feel bad because that friendship ended and it ended pretty slowly. But I was like, oh, I can't make it. Oh, I'm sorry, you know what I mean. I didn't, I couldn't confront it because I was just like not in that space. But I always think about how much fun we used to have. We would go. It'd be like we'd be like checking out the guys. You know, it was like we had wingman kind of thing happened. It was just a fun thing. But that one thing switched it up and to this day I still can't stand her.

Carmen Lezeth:

I don't talk to her or anything, but I still see some things that she posts or whatever, and I'm like you, bigoted, no good for nothing, racist. You know what I'm saying? I think of that in my head. I don't know if you guys have any stories like that. Go ahead, Rick.

Rick Costa:

I, I think of that in my head. Yeah, I don't know. If you guys have any stories like that, go ahead. Rick, I was just thinking about somebody who I this was, mind you, third grade into fourth grade. I was young and dumb, but in the third grade I had this girl named Lori that I liked hey. Lori.

Cynthia Ruiz Lopez:

Shout out, Lori.

Carmen Lezeth:

Shout out to Lori.

Rick Costa:

We considered each other boyfriend and girlfriend at that young age and like we would say, oh, that's my boyfriend, that's my girlfriend. Then fourth grade came, I didn't even exist. And when I said one time in front of her friends. Oh, that's my girlfriend. They all laughed.

Maurio Dawson:

She put you down like a bad habit. I'm sorry.

Cynthia Ruiz Lopez:

That's a bad habit. I'm sorry, friend.

Maurio Dawson:

That's cold blooded.

Carmen Lezeth:

You know what I love? He over here talking about the third and fourth grade.

Maurio Dawson:

I know.

Rick Costa:

It's like breaking my heart First grade I had my first quote girlfriend. Her name was Kimberly In first grade.

Carmen Lezeth:

You had a girlfriend.

Maurio Dawson:

You are pimping a player. Look at you.

Rick Costa:

Yo, I had two girls from the neighborhood that literally in front of me, right in front of me. Oh, you were in the neighborhood. Rick. Each other in front of me, right in front of me. Get in the neighborhood, rick. They were talking about each other in front of me. Not exciting, literally, you're not kidding, lord Jesus.

Carmen Lezeth:

My first boyfriend. I was in the seventh grade. I just want to throw that out there. You were in the first grade flirting around being a hoe. I'm just throwing that out there.

Rick Costa:

Yeah, Anything about anything at that age. But the funny story was I found out she was moving away and then my dad, we were going to pick up my mom and I was like, oh she's going to move away. This really stinks. I don't know what I'm going to do and my dad's like what you going to do. You're not going to be able to see her, no more. And I said first grade again I don't know what that is Something like that I was in first grade.

Maurio Dawson:

I didn't know that she's going to report it to the lost and found. Bring her back.

Carmen Lezeth:

Rick, rick, we got to get you out dating us some. We got to get you out. We got to get you out.

Cynthia Ruiz Lopez:

He's coming up in the first grade now he all, right, he all right. First Third grade.

Carmen Lezeth:

I don't even remember first and third grade.

Alma Dawson:

I do.

Cynthia Ruiz Lopez:

I do. I remember all my teachers too.

Carmen Lezeth:

I remember my teachers. I don't remember being in love with anybody.

Maurio Dawson:

I just remember certain people you can't forget. A person by the name of Sanquinita you can't forget a name like that Sanquinita. Her name was Sanquinita. I won't say her last name, but yeah, you can't forget a name like that, sanquinita. Her name was Sanquinita. I won't say her last name, but yeah.

Carmen Lezeth:

You don't have to Sanquinita.

Rick Costa:

I'm sure there's not a lot of them out there.

Cynthia Ruiz Lopez:

Right, who else's name is Sanquinita? Yeah, that's a cool name. I'm still friends with somebody from first grade. I send them Christmas cards to his parents and him. Every year you get a Christmas card From the first grade.

Carmen Lezeth:

Handmade cards.

Alma Dawson:

You know how you can engage friends. Send some of those cards out.

Maurio Dawson:

That's a good.

Alma Dawson:

Christmas card.

Maurio Dawson:

It's coming. Matter of fact, her birthday's coming up. You can send a birthday card.

Carmen Lezeth:

When's your birthday, alma? It's coming. Okay, matter of fact, her birthday's coming up. You can send a birthday card. When's your birthday, alma?

Alma Dawson:

It's in February.

Maurio Dawson:

The beginning of February.

Carmen Lezeth:

The third, I'm not going to remember. I won't remember. Cynthia's going to remember.

Cynthia Ruiz Lopez:

Okay, Cynthia, you're going to send her a card right, yes, I need your address.

Carmen Lezeth:

Okay, don't, I got you Not here Mario's March.

Maurio Dawson:

Mine is March. My mom, my uncle, my grandfather's Is it the 21st? Dang, you were good.

Cynthia Ruiz Lopez:

Boom.

Carmen Lezeth:

Cynthia, can you send it to me so I can put it in my calendar and then pretend I'm both Alma and Mario? I couldn't even remember rick's, and I've known rick now for four years. All I know it's in january and I was like january 5th, january 4th. Yeah, when it comes to birthdays, I'm so sorry we were evacuated on my birthday. I just want to say it was a horrible birthday. No, it was a good birthday because we were fine.

Maurio Dawson:

Because you were safe, you were fine, your house was fine, you made it through. It was a great birthday. I was grateful.

Rick Costa:

Jimmy Choo's are safe. Yep.

Maurio Dawson:

Jimmy Choo's are good.

Carmen Lezeth:

My shoes.

Maurio Dawson:

Jimmy Choo's Jimmy Ch.

Carmen Lezeth:

You know what? I don't even wear them anymore. I have to sell them or get rid of them, but they're safe, that's all that matters. I know, but I don't even need them. I don't wear heels anymore and I have so many of them. I should probably get rid of them, but it's not going to happen anyways.

Maurio Dawson:

Now I got to tell you one story, alma and I can tell you Recently we had a couple that we were well, we're friends with them still somewhat, but we had a really big. We were like brothers, sisters, we ran everywhere, we did everything together and we had the biggest falling out because, again, not taking accountability for something that you did, and all I was asking was, hey, this happened, you did it, you didn't do it. Can you just say I messed up, double damn. I didn't do that. You're gaslighting me.

Carmen Lezeth:

I didn't do that.

Maurio Dawson:

So I was like cool. So I started slowly pulling away, like you, carmen. Hey, can you come to this, can't make it. Got other plans. Hey, we're having dinner. What? My calendar, dang, it's already full. Give me next time. So said, hey, I really miss you. I don't know why we fell out, but I'm like you do, but okay, I do.

Maurio Dawson:

Let me remind you three years later. Let me, because it was like, let me refresh your memory. And then he invited me to dinner. We sat down, he apologized for everything, took accountability for everything. I really miss you and I miss Marissa. Can we just forget all of that and just start right now? I tell you what? Let me weave my way back into this, because now, at this point, I don't miss you. At this point, life is going on. At this point, you're a non-factor, no shade, but you're a non-factor. So, yeah, let's work on the friendship again. We can start talking, we can start texting slowly. So that's where we are. With that, we're slowly working our way back. Not to say I don't want to be friends again, but now you've shown me. Now I have to come at you with a different angle. You know what. I can forgive you, but that doesn've shown me. Now I have to come at you with a different angle. You know what?

Carmen Lezeth:

I can forgive you, but that doesn't mean you need to be back in my life and I'm-.

Maurio Dawson:

No, but yeah, I understand, you're apologizing to yourself.

Carmen Lezeth:

I think that's cool, but for me I've had that not similar situation. But time happens and then something happens and then I'm done and I can't switch it back on. I appreciate the apology. I happens and then I'm done and I can't switch it back on. I appreciate the apology, I appreciate everything you said and I wish we could be friends again, but something's changing me. I'm really hardcore about that. It's hard for me. I appreciate what you're saying, but it's hard for me to let, especially because here's the thing and this I do believe and I wish, if anything, if anybody's listening to this, that hear me when you let toxicity out of your life you don't want to nothing else, comes right back in to fill it in something else better, pure.

Carmen Lezeth:

It doesn't matter what it is. I'm telling you, this has happened to me so many times when I have let go of people who are just not with me. They're not doing it right for me. Something else has taken that place and it's always been better 703. I don't know what 703 is.

Maurio Dawson:

It's the time we've done an hour.

Carmen Lezeth:

Oh, Rick has been telling me. I know I got you. Did you say 703?

Maurio Dawson:

Yes.

Carmen Lezeth:

What's 703?

Cynthia Ruiz Lopez:

The time, more time.

Carmen Lezeth:

Oh my God, I thought it was Wait wait, because you know what In my head I'm still thinking East Coast, because it's Cynthia and Rick. You know what?

Rick Costa:

I mean, what color is your cup?

Cynthia Ruiz Lopez:

today. What color is the cup today?

Alma Dawson:

It's just water. What?

Maurio Dawson:

color is the cup? No, it depends on the color of your cup today. What color is the cup today? It's just water. What?

Alma Dawson:

color is the cup. No, what's in the cup?

Maurio Dawson:

No, it depends on the color of the cup.

Cynthia Ruiz Lopez:

It's water.

Carmen Lezeth:

It's water. It's water. No, you know what? Because I've been writing all of the promos and I've been trying to do all these little things. I'm trying to anyways, and so I'm always thinking East Coast time, because even think of East Coast time, because even people in Europe they always it's easier for them to understand New York time to base our time off of. That's what one of my friends told me.

Cynthia Ruiz Lopez:

So I'm sorry, that was I was like a 703, like a code, literally the time. That's all.

Carmen Lezeth:

Okay, all right, well, so we'll wrap this up. Thank you so much. I think that was a cool, fun conversation just about friendships. And I look at, I think relationships are really hard. I think friendships are. I think people have to have a very full understanding of what friendship means to them, because I think people confuse, like what Alma said earlier, friendships versus acquaintances, and so maybe next time we can get into another whole conversation about relationships in general with spouses, with boyfriends, jamal, with whatever.

Maurio Dawson:

Oh definitely. Wherever you are, Jamal, we're looking for you, buddy, yeah.

Carmen Lezeth:

Jamal is at the house today. But with that I'll say good night to everyone, or I should say good afternoon, because this will be airing on Sunday in the afternoon. But thank you so much, cynthia, for stopping by. Rick also, and it's always a pleasure. Marianne Amas, for right now. Say good night everyone and remember it really is all about the joy.

Maurio Dawson:

All about the joy.

Cynthia Ruiz Lopez:

Bye everyone Bye.

Carmen Lezeth:

Thanks for stopping by. All About the Joy Be better and stay beautiful. Folks have a sweet day.