All About The Joy
All About The Joy is a weekly hang-out with friends in the neighborhood! We share insight, advice, funny-isms and we choose to always try and find the positive, the silver lining, the "light" in all of it. AATJ comes from the simple concept that at the end of the day we all want to have more JOY than not. So, this is a cool place to unwind, have a laugh and share some time with friends!
All About The Joy
Lonely in a Connected World: Why We’re All Feeling Apart
The paradox of modern life hits hard in this raw, honest conversation about loneliness in a hyper-connected world. What begins with a surprising encounter - a Gen Z colleague who prefers coming to the office rather than working remotely - unfolds into a deeply relatable exploration of why we're all feeling so disconnected despite endless digital connections.
We dive into that visceral, emotional reaction when someone unexpectedly checks in on you, and why it can bring you to tears. There's something profoundly different about physical presence versus digital interaction that our bodies recognize even when our minds try to convince us otherwise. As we observe, "I think there's something about physically hanging out with your friend... it's not the same" as connecting through screens.
The conversation takes illuminating turns through personal stories of isolation, caregiving challenges, and the common misunderstandings around introversion and shyness. We challenge the popular notion that personality type determines your need for connection - the truth is, loneliness affects everyone regardless of where you fall on the social spectrum. One particularly poignant observation captures the irony of our times: "Because of this internet which has brought us together, we're more apart."
We don't just commiserate - we explore practical strategies for rebuilding connection, from community groups to Meetup.com, and simple daily practices like music, humor, and outdoor activities that can ease the ache of isolation. This episode offers both validation for what so many are feeling and pathways toward meaningful connection in a world that often keeps us apart.
Ready to feel less alone in your loneliness? Listen now, and then reach out to that friend you've been meaning to call - they might need to hear from you as much as you need to connect with them.
Thank you for stopping by. Please visit our website: All About The Joy and add, like and share. You can also support us by shopping at our STORE - We'd appreciate that greatly. Also, if you want to find us anywhere on social media, please check out the link in bio page.
Music By Geovane Bruno, Moments, 3481
Editing by Team A-J
Host, Carmen Lezeth
DISCLAIMER: As always, please do your own research and understand that the opinions in this podcast and livestream are meant for entertainment purposes only. States and other areas may have different rules and regulations governing certain aspects discussed in this podcast. Nothing in our podcast or livestream is meant to be medical or legal advice. Please use common sense, and when in doubt, ask a professional for advice, assistance, help and guidance.
Hey, rick Costa, welcome to All About the Joy, the Private Lounge, everyone. It's just me and Rick today.
Rick Costa:Hi, how are you?
Carmen Lezeth:Wait, what did you just say?
Rick Costa:How are you? How are?
Carmen Lezeth:you. So you just woke up. Let's just be honest about what just happened. So you're in the perfect mode for our subject today.
Rick Costa:Yeah.
Carmen Lezeth:Just kidding. Well, we can just say we can, we don't have to, we can just chit chat, we don't have to do the show Like it's fine.
Carmen Lezeth:Well, okay, Well, the topic we're going to so I should probably tell you why I picked the topic, cause I think in the past we talked about it a little bit, I think. Before we've talked about it, I'll tell you two things that happened this week that made me realize that I wanted to kind of have this conversation, and also it's something I've been thinking about, right. So one was one of the offices that I work in this. I think she's Gen Z, I don't know how old she is, but she's young and and she came in, she always meets me there at like 7, 30 in the morning, which I have to say, the reason why I go in early is because I can get so much work done and nobody's there, because the many people come in at like 10, 11 o'clock. It's like ridiculous. You know what I mean. So she comes in and I say hi to her and I'm like why are you here so early? She's like I love coming into the office and just getting work done.
Carmen Lezeth:Now, you know everyone's like remote from home. So you know I had to have a conversation with her. I was like wait, what she's? So she goes. She's like as much as I like having the freedom to work from home. She's like there's something about being around people and just like the energy and the. Okay, can I say again this is like a Gen Z person. It totally threw me, but it was a great conversation and it was so unexpected. I just was thrown by it and in a roundabout way, what she was saying was it's really lonely to be home by yourself, like she was like it's you know nobody's in my house. Like my parents go to work and I'm the only one home and my brother, you know, he's traveling and dah dah, dah traveling. And then she's like and then I sit at home all by myself, she's like. So I was really excited to get a job where I had to go into an office.
Rick Costa:Weird, right, because that's not the norm. Maybe that's what it is.
Carmen Lezeth:I would say she's not extroverted at all. I think it's just about I think there is something happening where people this isn't really about working from home or working remotely I think there was something deeper happening where we're so disconnected from each other. The other thing that happened that day which threw me for a loop was I got a text from Mario, who we love. We love Mario, and so, for people who don't know, mario's usually been on the show with his wife, alma. They've been having a lot of family issues and Mario has been very ill lately and dealing with some stuff personally and he was in the hospital, whatever. And he's texting me and he's like hey, just thinking about you, wanted to know how you were doing. Um, whatever, he's like miss, you, hope you're doing well.
Carmen Lezeth:And I was like and I started to cry. I was like he's, he's worried about me, he's checking in with me, and I was like, oh my God. And here's the thing I couldn't answer his text because I was at work when he sent it. So when I got home is when I was able to respond, and of course, I'm all choked up answering because he did a voice. What is it? Voice note Is that what we're calling them now, sure, and I felt like such a fool. But I was like, oh my people, it's not the same thing. Like I miss my friends, I miss hanging out with my friends and my friend Mia was supposed to come visit for a week but because of everything happening in Los Angeles and the political climate, we made the decision it's probably not a good idea for her to come right now. You know what I mean With, like, ice agents and all this crap and stuff. But I'm really sad, like I'm really miserable about it.
Rick Costa:Crap and stuff but I'm really sad, like I'm really miserable about it and I think I think I'm lonely.
Carmen Lezeth:So I wanted to talk about it because I'm like I didn't even realize that maybe I'm lonely and I'm hearing someone else who's talking about it so easily and you know she's like no, I want to come in the office because then I'm around people, thoughts, what do you think?
Rick Costa:yeah, like for me, for example, my best friend just moved out of state so I'm not gonna see him anymore like the only person I really interacted with, outside of mom, of course, and occasional family visit. So I'm like, hey, nobody now. Awesome, we watched a movie um this past sunday just so we could do something together. He had never seen a furious seven. I don't know how he picked that one. He said oh, really good movies. So I have like um one of those uh projector thingies so I put it in the basement and if you watch it at night it looks perfect and it's like huge and I got big speakers right behind your ears, whatever, and so it feels like at the movies with um zero gravity chairs. He's like I love this chair all right, so rick is clearly living large.
Carmen Lezeth:Okay, I'm just kidding. Good yeah, so um wait, why did he move out of state for work or something, or?
Rick Costa:no, I think he just felt like connecticut he was done, he was done okay, where did he move?
Carmen Lezeth:like far away or north carolina oh okay, I mean no, no, no offense in north carolina. I mean that's like like if you had said you know boston, I'd be like oh, that's not too far, you know, but okay, north carolina's a flight, yeah, yeah.
Rick Costa:So he's like, yeah, so well, one day when your situation changes, wink, wink. We know what that means Some of us he goes, I'll fly you down just so you can hang out with us. I was like I may take up, take you up on that, you never know. I'm like now. I mean we talk on video, on the phone, all the time. It's not the same.
Carmen Lezeth:Yeah, it's not the same. It's not the same. So, yeah, so I'm in that kind of weird position right now myself. So, you know, I mean I have a mom, of course, but it's not the same as what you'll have. Well, it's not the same because, for people who don't know, especially people listening to the audio, you take care of your mom. Who is dealing with? I always say dementia, alzheimer's, but I don't know which one. It is Dementia, yeah, dementia. You've been doing it for how many years now?
Rick Costa:It's at least three.
Carmen Lezeth:Like three years, that's a lot and it's not getting better right.
Rick Costa:It generally does not.
Carmen Lezeth:Does not get better. Yeah, so you're isolated in a very different way because you're a caretaker as well, and that's like. In a lot of ways it's such a blessing and so beautiful because you are able to take care of your mom, which is a lovely thing. You know what I mean. But it's got to be draining, it's got to be painful, and then your one friend that was in the neighborhood is that the right way to say it In the neighborhood?
Rick Costa:It wasn't exactly close, but I mean.
Carmen Lezeth:Oh, you guys would hang out, you would hang out.
Rick Costa:For a while He'd come by after she was asleep.
Carmen Lezeth:So make sure, sure you know we have peace and quiet and not to do anything crazy going on. But yeah so, but yeah. So. How do you think loneliness I mean, I don't know, I don't want to project that on you would you say that that's loneliness or you're fearing?
Rick Costa:it or you might, or I mean, I think one of the reasons why I literally do broadcast every day is to try to still have contact with people. Again, not the same as being with people, but it's better than nothing. If I didn't have that, I think I would definitely go stir crazy, even though I am an introvert and an indoor type person. There's only so much you can take of that.
Carmen Lezeth:Yeah, but see you and I have had this conversation about I really hate when people say they're an introvert, everybody's an introvert, everybody wants to be an introvert, like I don't know why. That's the thing. I'm not taking that away from you, I'm just saying it's. You never hear anyone say like I'm an extrovert.
Rick Costa:Oh, I definitely have.
Carmen Lezeth:I don't hear anyone say that Everyone wants to be an introvert. The reason why I think that doesn't matter in this case because that's not the definition of loneliness at all, like it doesn't matter if you're an introvert or extrovert. Loneliness is something that happens because we don't have connection with people. And I'm going to add this, and I'm no doctor or scientist or whatever but I don't think it's just about connecting on social media or on Zoom calls or whatever. I think it's about actually being in person, because we're social beings.
Carmen Lezeth:I was shooketh shooketh, I tell you at my reaction when Mario texted me, because I wasn't expecting it, not him texting me, but my reaction to it was so visceral it was so I don't know if was so visceral Like it was, so I don't know if that's the right word it was so physical, you know, um, and I couldn't contain myself and I thought, like what is wrong with me? And then I realized I go weeks without talking to my friends. I go to work, I see people at work, I see people at the grocery store, I see, but I'm not really talking to them. Does that make sense? Like I'm not hanging out with them. I'm doing my work and leaving or getting my groceries and leaving, or going to the dry cleaners or whatever it is. I'm not hanging out and laughing.
Rick Costa:Yeah, it's to say you can't really have the same kind of deep conversations you could have as if somebody is actually with you. You can, but it's not the same.
Carmen Lezeth:It's not the same. And so one of the things I used to love, like I used to hang out and andrea and I live in the same state but she's like an hour from me, it's not like she's not that close, you know what I mean. And also she has kids and you know they're older now and what chickens, fucking chickens, you know what?
Carmen Lezeth:I think that's the reason why I haven't seen her those days. I forgot about the. But one of the things I used to love hanging out with, and jay and I, like at least once a month, used to go and have dinner and hang out and laugh, whatever. But even when she lived here, like when we lived in the same at least area, you know neighborhood or whatever you know we used to hang out a lot more often and it was just easier. I also think it might be an age thing. I think maybe as we get older, um, we detach more. I don't know. What do you think?
Rick Costa:I don't know if age has as much to do with it, because I've seen older people like be attached to the hip. I mean, I kind of think of think of it as a fun example. But like the golden girls, there's some people that age. They really are constantly together like that.
Carmen Lezeth:So I agree with you, but those people live Okay, not all of them, but a lot of people. They live in communities for that reason, like they live in assisted living or in you know what I mean. Like they have, like there are apartments for people over 55. I'm like I don't know what that was about, but, um, but I wonder if that also is part of it too. Like the people you're talking about are people that are at a certain age where they decide to live together or they're retired. They have something in in common. I just feel like all of my friends who are my age, who I've used to hang out with or whatever.
Rick Costa:We've just moved on could it be because most of them are married. So that's why, maybe you know yeah, for sure my life. I got stuff to do. I can't. I'm not single. I can't just go out and do whatever I want, Anytime I want to. I got kids, but you know it is what it is. What are you going to do?
Carmen Lezeth:Yeah, I don't do so. I kind of have a rule and I know it's annoying to some of my friends Like I don't call my friends because they're the ones with the kids Now, their kids are older now, so I guess it could be different. But in the past what would happen is I would call my friends and they'd be like oh my god, carmen, I can't talk to you right now because the baby's crying. I'll be like oh, okay. So then I was like you know what you call me when you're ready, you know what I mean, and that just felt like a better thing. But now that's become kind of the norm.
Carmen Lezeth:So I don't call my friends because I'm like they're the ones with the. You know they have to take their kids on their, whatever they do I don't even know what they do or play dates or whatever all those things are that parents do. That I don't do. So I'm I always am like, but I think I I know for a fact too that if I called my friends they would call me. But I don't. It's not an emergency, I'm just like hey, I just miss you, just want to hang out, but they can't. You're right, it is so. I need some more single friends. That's what it is, I think, okay, there's a call out. Call out to single friends in the LA area.
Rick Costa:We ain't got no kids no go ahead, Maybe text them and say like hey, can you talk on the weekend and pick a time or something.
Carmen Lezeth:But you know what it? It's not about talking to them. I talk to them all the time. It's not that I think what I'm talking about because, like, one of the questions I want to talk about is mentally and physically right. I think there is something and again I didn't research this or whatever. This is me and you chit chatting right, Like I think there's something about physically hanging out with your friend. Like you just said, you guys watched a movie in your basement and hung out or whatever. Like you hung out or whatever. Like you and I could sit here and watch a movie on here. We could right it's not the same, but it's not the same.
Rick Costa:It's not the same, that's snacking together and, you know, looking at each other laughing, like that was really funny, like it's just weird.
Carmen Lezeth:Yeah, it's just weird, do you think? Do you think loneliness looks different today than it did maybe 10 years ago?
Rick Costa:I don't know if it looks different. I think it's probably more prevalent than ever before. Oh, Because of this internet which has brought us together, we're more apart.
Carmen Lezeth:Isn't that?
Rick Costa:fascinating. People talk about it all the time. When I grew up, when we had dinner, we all sat at a table and we talked, and now it's like everybody's eating in their own room, or if they are together, they're on their phone, so it's like it's a different world.
Carmen Lezeth:I think I'm going to say something that is not profound or anything, but I think social media has probably made us less. It's not about connected there's got to be a better word, because I think we are more connected. I would again. We always talk about I would have never met you if it wasn't for social media. I would have never. We, we would not have our show that we have the way we have it if I hadn't met you. You know what I mean. So there's the great plus sides of social media that I will not abandon or throw under the bus. I think social media is a great thing, but, like a microwave, it's not going to overtake an oven. You know what I mean. I don't mean to be goofy that way, but social media doesn't take over actually being in person and hanging out with people.
Rick Costa:Yeah, I think another issue too is that things are so much more expensive. You know, people just don't have the money to go out to the movies, go out to the restaurants I just called you girl, girl because, okay, let me tell you, I just went to the grocery store.
Carmen Lezeth:I'm not even kidding, so I don't complain about grocery store things or whatever but today, and I went to the same grocery store. I don't know what happened from last week, I think I went to the grocery store two weeks ago two weeks ago because I go pretty regularly. Okay, so this week, my coffee, which was 9.99, I buy pete's coffee, columbia coffee or, um, uh, major dickersons if people know what pete's coffee is and they don't sponsor us, but they could um, it was nine, 99, two weeks ago, and I remember cause I bought like three bags. I'm like I'm just going to stock up. You know what I mean Today 15, 99, 15, 99. That's crazy.
Rick Costa:That's crazy.
Carmen Lezeth:So I came home and I was like I mean, all of it was really expensive. So I came home and I thought maybe the other ones were. First of all, this is like that's my coffee. I don't go to Starbucks or whatever, but I make coffee here. So I was like maybe that was old, but I know it's always about like sometimes you can get the deals like $7.99 or $9.99 and then you get the coupon or whatever, and so that's why I know, because I have my coupons, you know, but it wasn't, it's just now 59. All of them shook it. It's a big jump, that's a big jump, that's a big jump. So yeah, I do think things are more expensive, you're right.
Rick Costa:I'm having to deal with that at work with like. So we deal with so many different companies. People want to order stuff and this company has that and that company, and then that company has that, which makes my job a headache Totally different than when I first started. And when I first started that company, everything we had in stock in our warehouse and that's it. It was much easier. Now it's headaches because this one's got that rule and that rule and that rule and this one and you drop ship for free. You don't drop ship for free. You don't drop ship at all. He's like if my boss ever fires me, he's going to really find out what a headache this job really is Right, but because of the whole situation going on now everybody's checking up their prices and I'm like I didn't even update all your 1,000 products on our website. Now I've got to do it again.
Carmen Lezeth:Yeah, it's because of the tariffs too, because the tariffs are being put to the consumer. So, yeah, we all knew that was what was going to happen, I mean. But I think that's. But even beside the whole tariffs thing and what's happening in the political vibe, I think just also in general, it's really difficult nowadays to get on, you know, like to go like fly to your friends now in North Carolina or whatever, to say, hey, let's just hang out for the weekend. Like it's not even just that it's expensive, it's also like logistically a hard thing to do, Whereas before, like how did you meet your friend? What's his name?
Rick Costa:Oh, corey, it was at church.
Carmen Lezeth:Corey, so at church. So it was like that's what I'm saying Like it was like a local thing, you know, like in your neighborhood, or like Andrea and I lived in the same part of West Los Angeles when we first met. You know we worked together, so then we would go out and we'd hang out. You know the same thing, me and I were roommates in college, you know. You know, there's just like just kind of different things, yeah.
Rick Costa:People are like Disney world. They're like Disney world I ain't got Disney world money Like before. People were like I'm just going to save and then it's fine. Now it's like you know how expensive the Disney World is, like everything's so expensive.
Carmen Lezeth:Yeah, you know, I'm always going to say I don't understand the Disney World thing. But if that's your flavor, that's your flavor. My brother from another mother who I love with all my heart, Billy. He's huge into Disney, so I try not to fight with people about Disney. I don't have Disney World money, and I'm glad I don't Even if I did, I wouldn't be spending it there. I don't have Botox money that's my new problem and I don't have hair coloring money.
Rick Costa:Yes, sorry, cynthia, and Mario and Alma, but I've never been and I'm not in a rush to go either.
Carmen Lezeth:Oh, you've never been to Disney? No, but you're not a Disney fan. Except that they bought Marvel, so that's not the same thing.
Rick Costa:Yeah, yeah, but I do like amusement parks though. I love that.
Carmen Lezeth:I used to love amusement parks too, but I have no interest in getting in a roller coaster anymore, so that wouldn't make me happy anymore. I used to love it, Especially now because they put you in these harnesses and all these and that would just make me claustrophobic, you know. But yeah, back in the day I loved that stuff, but I saw one the other day.
Rick Costa:I was like y'all are insane. It literally goes really, really high and then it goes literally your head. You're like waiting and then straight down like y'all, y'all crazy.
Carmen Lezeth:Yeah, they have a whole, like there's a whole tiktok on just roller coasters. If you just put that in the search engine. And it's weird because you can actually watch it and then like from the point of view of the person in the seat and you can almost feel a little like yeah, no, I'm not interested anymore, like I've changed.
Rick Costa:I've changed one that used to be called the mind bender. I'm like, I got off my. It's the neck bender. I'm in so much pain, right now.
Carmen Lezeth:No, no, I would go skydiving again. You know what that brings us. To another Okay, wait, let's not get off of the loneliness thing. What could we do? What could we do to change up? I think some of it we're already doing. We do try to connect in the ways that we can, whether it's doing your show or doing this show, or staying in touch with those people that we can like your friend and making sure you do movie nights and stuff like that. But are there other?
Rick Costa:things that you try to do to make sure you stay connected. Yeah, I mean, I can't make people come to me and I treasure when they do. And then, like a little example, my cousin came Sunday. She told me she was going to come over. I was like, hey, do you mind if I run to the pharmacy to get my mom's medicine? And she turned up to like 10 medicines Good Lord, that is a lot of medicine. And even though she would have done it, but if she offered, I'd be like, no, let me do it. I never need it. Let me go enjoy the cool air flowing through my head the air, whatever Right.
Rick Costa:In the car. Let me enjoy going out somewhere, even though it's like not that far, but still Right.
Carmen Lezeth:Any little thing I can do. I'm going to try to do it, but are you and we've had this conversation in the green room before, and I don't mean to put you on the spot, but I mean you choose to to take care of your, your mom, right?
Rick Costa:there's nobody else and I've seen how the nursing homes are no offense if you work in a nursing home and you're actually a good person, I'm sorry. Seven years with my father and several years with my grandmother, that's not a place you want your parent to be.
Carmen Lezeth:Okay, no, that's fair enough. That's fair enough and I, I applaud you for what you do. I just think it kind of sucks that you don't have any help so that you can like. The one thing I do have, you know, because I don't I'm not in that circumstance at all Um is I I do go out to the beach and hang out, but I'm still by myself. You know what I mean the few times I do. I mean I have a couple of neighbors or whatever. Sometimes we walk, not the same thing. I want my crew, I want my friends. I think I need to get new friends. Maybe that's what this show is about.
Rick Costa:How would you do that? Oh, like those things where you could join a group, like a walking group.
Carmen Lezeth:Meetup group like a meetup group. So a long time ago not a long time ago, but I met one of my trainers back in the day because I did go to meetupcom Again, they don't sponsor us but they could and meetupcom you could go and meet people in your neighborhood. You put in your zip code. It's still a viable, really good website.
Carmen Lezeth:I think the thing about that I've done like you could go hiking, you can like there's knitting, there's writing groups, there's all these different things. I know in the past, when I've looked it up, like maybe a few months ago, whatever you could tell that some of the things that I used to do whatever are now dormant. So like people like the group is still there but they're not really doing anything. So you know, maybe I need to check it out again and be more serious about it. But I also think there's something about going to your local community. Like every town, every city has like a community center, you know, and so I was thinking about that too. And then I'm thinking like I know, back in the day that was always all the old people.
Rick Costa:You know you can totally hold me like oh, but you know, maybe I gotta embrace this shit like I'm not 20, something, I don't know I remember and this very out of character for me because, again, I know you said introvert, but I would say I'm shy, ultra, super, super shy, right, um, so I don't know if it's in November and I assume they still do it NaNoWriMo, I think it's called, where you try to write oh, really, you try to write every day, whatever a certain number of words. You try to do it. If you fail, you fail. Whatever it doesn't matter. And I actually, because there's a group where you can talk to each other and encourage each other, and I met some people that were local to me and I was like, not only that, but one of the guys.
Rick Costa:I ended up going to my first one and only Comic-Con in New York City with him and I was like this is so not like me, cause I'm like you know, I'm shy, I don't get around strangers, but I was like, no, do it Stop being a chicken. And I did it and being a chicken, and I did it. And I'm still proud of myself because you know, again, I'm super shy, like people don't think I am like when I yeah, I don't think you're super shy when I had meetups with my team from the stuff I do online with people they were like, yeah, you don't talk a lot. I didn't believe you.
Carmen Lezeth:We're not talking a lot. Does it make you shy? I'm just saying that doesn't make you shy, that's a stylistic thing. I I don't know again. Again. I know I'm always the person that's fighting back with people about being introverts and being shy or whatever. Because I think people I'll tell you why not to change the trajectory of how our show goes. But you know, we got to do what we got to do.
Carmen Lezeth:I think somewhere along the way we have been convinced that being being humble has a certain betterness about being on the planet, and I think a lot of it has to do with religion and Christianity and Catholicism, whatever, like to be as humble as possible. And under the umbrella of humbleness comes these things of oh I better be an introvert, oh I better be very quiet, oh I better be very shy. And I think all of that is not very true. I think it's something that has been warped into our psyche without us realizing. The reason why I say I don't think you're shy is you know what? I'll put it in these terms. So I'm not bashing you because that's the last thing I want to do. I don't mean to be bashing you.
Carmen Lezeth:Everyone's like oh my God, michael Jackson was so shy. Oh my God, janet Jackson, they're so shy. No, they're not shy. You cannot be shy and jump up on stage and do what you do Now. Are you someone who, when you're by yourself or when you're not being your extroverted self, maybe need time to be introverted, or you know, those are stylistic things. True, shy people don't jump up on stage, you know I mean, and grab themselves and do 15 million things. You know what I'm saying? Like no, no, I'm just saying like. I'm just saying it's like if you've ever met a really shy person, they really um, it's not a negative thing, it's just you could tell it's really hard to get them comfortable, to get them to talk, to get them to come out of their shell, and I think there were fewer people that I know that are that shy.
Rick Costa:When I was young, when I was a kid, I believe that I was so shy Like if my parents' friends came over I would try to hide anywhere because I don't want to talk to nobody. Don't ask me no questions. There was only one guy that would come over. I'd be like a little bit okay with, because he'd be like hey, I'm going to give you a dollar. I'm like, ooh, a dollar I'll talk now.
Carmen Lezeth:Right, I mean, that makes more sense. But I mean, like you're not that kid anymore, you know. But I think sometimes we hold on to stuff because we, you know, we, we learned the label and we, you know. But I always laugh every time I would hear people talk about Michael Jackson, and you know, my God, he's so shy. Yeah, no, you know, and no offense. I loved Michael Jackson. Actually, right before you logged on, I was listening to the Jackson 5. You and I must make a pact. I love that song. We must bring salvation back.
Rick Costa:I really think.
Carmen Lezeth:Where there is love, I'll be there. It's such a good song, don't you know? See, we're good, okay.
Rick Costa:I mean.
Carmen Lezeth:I can't sing for shit, but you know, at least I'm in tune, right, I'm in tune, um, but yeah, I mean, I think I, I I love your demeanor and your style and who you are, but I would never say that you're shy or introverted. Those are, are not things that would that I would ever. Those would not even be in my top 100. You know, do I think you're kind? Yes, do I think you're someone who's more thoughtful and a better listener than I could ever be? Like you listen to people really well or you just ignore and make us think you're listening. I don't know.
Carmen Lezeth:But, you know what I mean. Like, I think that's a very different thing.
Rick Costa:One thing I've always been is observe observe everything. And I had to because I've talked about this before with my dad, who was found out at the end of his life. He was bipolar, like I had to watch like a hawk, like his moods, because don't say the wrong thing, you set them off and we start World War III. I've been here so yeah, but I've always been an observer of people. Like I love going to the, when I used to walk to try to lose weight and I went to the mall because it was rainy outside, because I definitely prefer to walk outside, I loved watching people, not in a stalkery way, but I was like people are just fascinating.
Carmen Lezeth:Right way. But I was like people are just fascinating, right, right, yeah, and I think I, I think those are the types of characteristics I would, I would say about you. I do know a couple people who are extremely shy. They're so shy I wouldn't even mention their names, you know like because they don't like. They don't like the limelight at all, they don't, they always want to be in the background.
Carmen Lezeth:They they're not coming on here they're never going to come on this show. You know, like they're really shy and they're extremely introverted people and I think that's why I'm like, yeah, everyone who says they're introverted, I'm like please stop talking. You know what I mean. Like, because I have two friends and they're they're they're not friends to each other, they're separate people and so when you know someone who is that, you realize, like a lot of people say that they are again, you and I've had this conversation. I think we're all a little bit of that, you know. I think we're all both extroverted and introverted.
Carmen Lezeth:I think sometimes, depending on what's happening in our lives, we lean a certain way or not you know, um, you know, sometimes I want the world to be listening to me, I want to be on stage, I want to be talking, and then sometimes I just want to be left alone and quiet and by myself. You know what I mean like, but I would never say I'm an introvert. I would never be like oh my god, and I would never say I'm shy. I would not be like oh my God, and I would never say I'm shy. I would never be like I'm so shy, I would never say that. So let me see how are you feeling today and what makes you feel lonely, if anything at all.
Rick Costa:Interesting, another very. This is not trying to change the subject, but it's kind of tying it in Another very famous person passed away today that a lot of people knew and I just found out. I was like what, oh my gosh, and there was another very famous person that just died the other day and that gets me thinking, like you know. So when I go, is anybody going to remember me? And that can make you feel a little sad and lonely and it feels like am I doing enough? Am I leaving my mark on the world? I don't want to die and nobody remembers me. You know what I'm saying? There's nothing you could do and you're dead. You're dead, but at the same time it's like I don't want to have come and not left some kind of a mark in the world. You know what?
Carmen Lezeth:I mean, but what would you? I mean? No, I mean, I know what you mean, but what would you do differently to leave a like? What does that mean? To leave a mark in the world?
Rick Costa:I just want people to remember me that I was kind you guys, kind you guys, kind All the white people are like. I don't know what you're talking about, right?
Carmen Lezeth:now, but um, yeah, I don't want people to.
Rick Costa:You know, think like you know, oh, he was a jerk, he was a horrible, this horrible that I don't want people to be like, oh, no.
Carmen Lezeth:Definition of good person yeah, that was a good person but let me ask you this it I've thought about this a lot too, but in a very different way. Let me ask you this Does it matter if a lot of people remember you or just one person? And I'll tell you before you answer that. I'll give you the reason why my mom. Nobody talks about Emma Suarez Nobody. She wasn't a famous person. You know what I mean. She was a single mom and she was a housekeeper and then she was a teacher's aide and she died very young. She died at 49 and she died of a heart attack due to asthma, which should have never happened if she had good healthcare. I just want to put the plug in there, because we should have health care in this country for everyone. We really should.
Carmen Lezeth:Even back then, that wasn't a good reason for anyone to pass away. But I think about this because when she died, I got upset in the church because all of a sudden there were all these people in the church at the funeral and I was like, where were you now? Of course, I was a little kid and I was, you know, having a moment, but I was still not wrong. That's what I love about it. I still wasn't wrong. Where were you all when she was needing help or needing you. But the church was filled and packed. And I think to myself this is why, when people pass away now, I'm like. This is why when people pass away now, I'm like, I get it. Your impact is while you're here, because when you move on as time passes, even if you're a famous person, I think of Paul Newman. Remember when Paul Newman died?
Carmen Lezeth:I mean we were young but Paul Newman and he was a big deal, and every time I go get salad dressing or something or see a movie, whatever I'm like, but we don't remember Paul Newman all the time, it's just so. I guess that's what I'm saying. Is, what would you do differently or today to feel better about your legacy?
Rick Costa:or does your legacy? Matter to go back to what you were saying, though, like that's the whole reason. The whole expression is give people their flowers now that's right that's the.
Rick Costa:That's why that whole expression came about, because people love to go to funerals and get oh, I'm gonna get you flowers. Uh, she ain't gonna appreciate it if you did like hello, like what are you doing? Like yeah, and it's like it is kind of annoying, I know. That interesting thing, though, is like for my grandma and my dad, which were the two biggest ones, and my cousin. I don't remember necessarily how long anybody stayed, but I know that you came like that, stuck in my head.
Carmen Lezeth:I know that you came.
Rick Costa:Oh, say that again for the people in the back even if you only came for 30 seconds I'm on my lunch break, but I had to come and people have said that. But I remember you took the time, you took the effort to come. You didn't have to. It would have changed nothing, but I remember that and that means a lot. It does mean a lot. But when you got all these people that are strangers, like why are you here? Why strangers like, why are you here? Why is it to make you feel better? Like why are you weird, right?
Carmen Lezeth:so it can be annoying right, I think I think one of the things that's interesting, though, too. Just to get back to you talking about your legacy or whatever it's like, it's like what you just said give people their flowers now, like I posted on facebook and I wrote like. If you just said give people their flowers now, like I posted on Facebook and I wrote like if you want to support me, if you could please follow my sub stack, right, I think you saw that. Or? Or you know people could follow our YouTube channel or anything. Because here's the other thing People always say they want to support you, but then they don't.
Carmen Lezeth:Your best of friends will tell you I got you, I'm here for you, but then they don't. And I don't get upset about it. I don't get angry about it, because here's what I know. I know it's not people's intention to not be supportive. I think people, like all of us, we're just all wrapped up in our own lives, and I'm sure people think, well, if Carmen really needs me, she'll call me and ask me to join my sub stack or whatever. Like, I'm going to call 1500 people or whatever. But but I get it because we, like, we're all connected to each other and so we think like well, carmen's my friend, if she really needs my help, she'll call me directly, as opposed to just posting it on Facebook. You see what I'm saying?
Rick Costa:I found out real quick on Periscope, because you know I try to be big headed, but you know I got a little bit big over there. Family never showed up, friends never showed up. So I'm like you're going to have to just build up your own tribe from scratch and they will support you, but you weren't bitter.
Carmen Lezeth:were you with the family and friends? Did you think people were doing it?
Rick Costa:intentionally, no, no. The part that makes me annoyed is I'm pretty sure I would do it for you, but I can't make people be like me.
Carmen Lezeth:Right, I think okay. So I was thinking about this too. I'm like I would do anything for any of my friends. I really would, but sometimes I don't know that they have posted something Right Like, and it's not out of being mean. So that's why I was saying earlier, it's like I mean again.
Carmen Lezeth:Maybe I'm trying to find excuses for some of my friends because I don't want to be hurt. It's possible. But there's the other part of me that thinks like I know people have called me out and has been like well, I asked you three months ago and I'll be like what are you talking about? They'll be like I sent an Instagram message. I'll be like I don't look at it, but they everyone doesn't know, because I post on Instagram all the time but people don't know that I'm posting through a third party, that I'm not actually looking at Instagram. You know what I mean. So I get why sometimes people might think I'm not, because if you don't reach out to me personally and you think I've seen it on some social media and it's not because I'm so busy or whatever, it's because I'm just not doing it.
Rick Costa:It's very easy to miss something on social. Somebody the other day they said I tried to call you on a facebook messenger and I needed an answer quick, but you didn't answer. I was like I don't use messenger on my phone, I would have never gotten the call. I apologize, like what you want me to do but you see what I'm saying.
Carmen Lezeth:So that's why sometimes I think when we, when we ask people in that massive way to support us or whatever, and then they don't, I don't get upset with people because I realized, like, I know I'm a good person and I know I've been there for many people and when people ask me to do something, I'm there 100% and I know that my friends, who I love with all my heart, that I would die for, would do the same for me. I have no question about that. So therefore, if I ask people to do something on social media and not call them directly, then it doesn't happen. I can't be mad at them because I know I've done the same thing. Does that make sense?
Rick Costa:Oh yeah, definitely, Definitely.
Carmen Lezeth:Yeah.
Rick Costa:And, like I said, we can't get mad at somebody else because they're not like us and they don't do things the way we do. They're them, you're you. I can't get mad.
Carmen Lezeth:Right, but you also just admitted that you don't get certain social media. So people are like I can't believe rick ain't supporting me.
Rick Costa:To them, you're like I didn't get it right, that could be the same thing that's happening to them or maybe I'm crazy busy and that's why I didn't answer you the in the within the first five minutes of you send me a message like calm down, maybe you're connected to the internet like that, right.
Carmen Lezeth:But you see, like I mean, I think that's part of it too is like being able to understand that not everybody, not everybody, is concerned with my life or with your life. We're all pretty much concerned with our own lives. Most of the day, right, like maybe 85% of the day, I'm concerned with my own existence and I think I'm doing the best I can every single day, just doing what I can do, whether it's being sad or lonely or being happy or having to work or struggle through whatever, or whatever it is. And then the other 15% of the time I'm doing other things for other people. I hope I am, you know, and I'm not using those percentages like wildly, I'm just kind of guessing Because I want to believe the best in people, you know.
Carmen Lezeth:And like, the other day I did a, I don't know, I did some posting or whatever, and nobody looked at it and I was like, wow, what did I write? Did I write something bad, is it not? I don't have the right SEO. You, did I write something bad, is it not? I don't have the right SEO and I'm like, you know, I just got to let it go. I just got to let it go and let it be and people will either look at it or they won't, and it's okay. You got to just create your own tribe elsewhere and people are either going to gravitate towards you or not. And it's usually going to be people who don't know you, because your friends and family know you. They know how to reach you. If they want your advice on whatever it is, you just post it on TikTok or whatever they're going to call you. They're not going to look on social media.
Rick Costa:Yeah, it's true.
Carmen Lezeth:Yeah, still, that also adds to the loneliness, right, because you want your friends and family to see what you're doing and you want them to be excited for you or to comment or to say something or to give a thumbs up or any feedback at all. And then you're like, okay, they didn't even look at it.
Rick Costa:Right, right, and I don't need this. It's just another thing I didn't get to answer yet. I don't need a million people to say you were a good person, but the ones that kind of know me, it would be nice if they thought like you were trying to be a good person.
Carmen Lezeth:Let me ask you this, because now we're going to get into another topic If people don't think you're a good person, do you think that means you weren't a good person?
Rick Costa:No, I mean people are going to think what they're going to think. I mean, for example, hate to bring up the past, but when?
Carmen Lezeth:I got divorced.
Rick Costa:There was a lot of lies told and I'm like I can't even believe I'm going through this. I don't even want to defend this, because this is so outlandish and ridiculous. Who would believe this? And that's exactly what happened. The people that knew me were like, no, no, no, what a stupid thing is that to accuse them of no? And so I just laid back and I'm like, yeah, people that know me, they're going to know this is bull crap. And then, yeah, in the end. And then the funny thing was in the end, years later, like, oh, I'm so sorry I put you through that. That was all lies. I was listening to somebody that doesn't really like you and I believed them. I'm like, oh my God, are we in high school? What is happening?
Carmen Lezeth:I know, but does it matter? It seems to me okay, I say this nicely and kindly that it really matters to you what people think about you now and also when you pass away.
Rick Costa:Like I said, it keeps me out of time.
Carmen Lezeth:Your opinions don't pay my bills, it's okay, if it matters I would like it to be okay, but okay, but we'd all like it. But my question is what would you do differently? Nothing like right now.
Rick Costa:There's nothing I could do differently than what I'm doing right now. I'm giving my max, but what's the expression burning the candle at both ends like I'm doing everything I can. There's nothing else I can do I know.
Carmen Lezeth:So if you were god forbid whatever to pass away tomorrow, why would you even be worried about what people thought of you when you passed away? I'm just concerned that that matters to you no, I'm not worried about.
Rick Costa:It's not like oh my gosh all day long thinking about it like at all, maybe like oh my gosh all day long I'm thinking about it.
Carmen Lezeth:Maybe you've brought it up a few times in this conversation, and look, the only reason why I'm asking is because I think a lot of people think this way too.
Rick Costa:Oh yeah, a lot of people do.
Carmen Lezeth:A lot of people think this way. I'm going to tell you the truth. I don't think this way at all. I don't think this way at all. I know I'm a bitch, I'm just kidding. Like I look at cause, I cause cause here's. Here's what I'm going to say.
Carmen Lezeth:You do the best you can in the moment you can with the cards you've been dealt, and if you do the best you can every single day to live the best life you can and do as good as you can, then how can you fail, Like I can't make any other choices than the best choices I make in this moment, and if I make a mistake, I will go back and fix it.
Carmen Lezeth:But if I'm intentionally trying to hurt somebody, or if I'm intentionally trying to swindle somebody, or if I'm intentionally doing things that are bad, that's a bad person. But if I'm intentionally trying to do good in the world and I'm trying to share my best talents and skills and I'm trying to help people and I'm trying to, with my experience, share what it is to have joy, no matter what the situation is or what it is to walk through things, so you get to the other side. If I'm doing that every single day to the best of my ability, no matter the circumstance, no matter how lonely or sad I am, no matter how much I miss my friends. That is the best I can do and I think you need to know that. You need to feel it in your heart. Okay.
Rick Costa:Preach Pastor Carmen, preach Right Right, we'll pass the comment.
Carmen Lezeth:I Right Preach. I mean preach Right, right, past the comment. I like that. But I'm just saying, rick, it's like you are a really unique and wonderful human being and the idea that you would think you wouldn't be thought of brilliantly when the day comes to me is something I want to hit you about. You know what I mean. Like I want to intentionally be like what is wrong with you, like if people have a problem with you that's about them.
Carmen Lezeth:Yeah, I just think you're a good person, so it bothers me when I hear you talk in a way of lack or negatively. You're not being negative, but even that thought of that anyone would think badly about you to me is weird, because you're a good and decent human being doing the absolute best you can, sharing your talents and skills to the best of your ability. With the cards you've been dealt, you know what I, what I'm saying, and and that's all you can do. What would you do differently?
Rick Costa:you know it's now is making me think of. I wonder. This is part of that. Remember I told you I went to to therapy after my whole divorce thing because the lawyer's like, yeah, do whatever she tells you to do, and that was part of it. Um, then he said you have a messianic complex which is what.
Carmen Lezeth:I don't know what that means. Say it again.
Rick Costa:So, basically, you think you can save everybody and what that really means is you're so busy doing stuff for other people that you're not realizing you're letting yourself go down the drain Because I got to help, I got to help, I got to do, I got to do, but I think that's a whole other problem.
Carmen Lezeth:That's a whole different problem. I mean, I don't know why you think you have to do and help other people.
Rick Costa:I think it's because, again, the way I was raised and I would try to be the peacemaker, and yeah, it's deep Therapy recession with Rick today.
Carmen Lezeth:I. But look, I don't think I mean I can cut all this out if you want, I don't. I just think it might help other people. I think part of that problem, just from my experience, is okay, I don't want to hurt your feelings at all, but I'm gonna, but I'm gonna, I'm gonna.
Carmen Lezeth:I think sometimes, when we are constantly worried about other people all the time, it's so much easier to worry about everybody else than to actually deal with our own actual selves, right? So I don't mean that in a bad way, I just mean when we are continuously in this space of like I have to help this person, I have to do this, I have to do that, I have to do that, I have to do that. What it does is it makes you avoid dealing with Rick and who Rick is. What Rick wants, like you squash Okay, here goes the hurtful part you squash I know you're like oh, there's more Right you squash everything that you want and need in life for your mom. Now, before you say anything, you and I have had this conversation because I always stop you.
Carmen Lezeth:I stop you from using your mom as content, right? We've had that where I shut you down and everyone thinks I'm mean. And I let them think I'm mean because I'm like I'm doing something that matters in a different way. You can think I'm a bitch, I don't care. I don't want him using his mom as content, cause that's not his point. That's not what you mean to do. You know what I mean. So I'm stopping you as a friend, right.
Carmen Lezeth:But I think what you do with that too is like you're in this situation and you are in martyrdom role. Martyrdom role. I know you don't mean to be, but it's like you don't even allow yourself to give yourself a break. You don't even allow yourself to be angry and upset and pissed off about it, and even though you have every right to be upset and pissed off and angry about it, you know, because even though's your duty, it's also unfair, right. So you, caring about everybody else and taking care of everybody else allows you not to have to deal with this part of it, which is you've made a choice that is a right choice. A good choice makes sense. Choice May not be the best choice, right. The best choice would be if you had other people helping you. Am I right?
Rick Costa:You know what I mean Like if you had other people helping you. That would be nice, that would be lovely.
Carmen Lezeth:Yeah, that's what I'm saying. So that would be the best choice, right? I think that's what that's about. Is that when we're always I learned the other way. It's so weird how you and I are so different and yet fundamentally a lot alike. Because I was so alone, because I had to take care of myself, because I had to figure out what was going on around me and protect myself. I actually make sure my cup is full before I try to give anybody anything. Yeah, I don't give until I am okay. So I'm the opposite I take care of me first you have no choice and then when my cup is full, that's when I give to everybody else.
Carmen Lezeth:But when I have nothing, I can't give anything. I I have to reserve. I have to try to fill it up again. I still help other people, but I really don't help people if I don't have to try to fill it up again. I still help other people, but I really don't help people if I don't have the ability to Right. I don't, I can't, you know.
Rick Costa:And for more on how Carmen grew up, buy her book Canela. I'm available on Amazoncom.
Carmen Lezeth:You know what's so interesting. So I'm like halfway through the next book that I'm writing. I know it's been really I don't know if I'm ever gonna get finished because, okay, but I have been working on the second part of canela, but I don't know when it's gonna be done. Like I again, if, like, if you and I had money, we wouldn't be lonely at all. No, I'm just kidding, it all comes down to money.
Rick Costa:oh my god. That reminds me it was a trailer of a new movie with Keanu Reeves and he plays Angel. But what he does is he switches two guys' lives One was kind of poor and one was rich and he switches them and then the other Angel's confirmed. He's like why did you do that? I wanted to show him that just because you have money, it doesn't solve all your problems. But now the problem is it kind of did solve the problem.
Carmen Lezeth:It's funny. Is this like a comedy or something?
Rick Costa:No, yeah, it's a movie. Really that's funny Keanu Reeves. I forgot what the other guy's name is.
Carmen Lezeth:Oh, that's funny We've already had a conversation about. You know I've worked with so many wealthy people. I actually don't think money solves all problems. I think money could solve some problems, like, if we had it gives you more choices. But if you're a sucky person and you have a lot of money, you're still going to be a sucky person. And if you're a materialistic person, whether you have money or not, you're still going to be a materialistic person. When you have money and you're just going to blow it all on stuff and you're going to be selfish. You know what I mean. Like, money does give you choices.
Carmen Lezeth:There's no doubt about it, and I think anyone who's listening to this, who isn't wealthy or whatever, deserves the chance to have money and see how it goes. You know what I mean. Like I do, I would like to see how I deal with a lot of money. I would love to see that, but I know that and I stand on this 10 toes deep I will die on this hill. There is not one wealthy person that I know or who I have worked for for my entire life that I would have changed lives with. It doesn't matter how bad my life has been. I would not want their money, I would not want their life, I would not want anything with it, because they are not any happier, and sometimes more miserable, than any of my friends or poor people or myself that I've ever known. You know what I mean, yeah.
Rick Costa:I've heard people say like that were like maybe a nanny or even housekeepers, whatever, like would you trade places with your boss and they're like to be miserable, like them, no yeah, no, no, yeah, most people that work for very wealthy people you have.
Carmen Lezeth:You have a different viewpoint, you know? Um, I I think that money would help in changing our dynamic, but I still don't think it would change the issues we're talking about. Loneliness, you know what I mean, things like that, because that has nothing to do with money. Have your friendships and make connections, and you know so just to wrap this up a little bit, let's see what are small things or small ways in which you do try to find joy or try to connect with people and try not to be lonely or sad or depressed.
Rick Costa:Any one of those I mean right now, because I literally can't go anywhere. All I have is the internet. So, you know, I I watch people online. Um, there's some people that I watch on a regular basis because they just crack me up. They're really funny and I need to laugh sometimes, especially if, like you're in a bad mood. I mean, put on something that makes me laugh, you know, and it helps, it makes you laugh, you know. Or put on some music or whatever. But, um, yeah, if you're in that position, like me, and you just can't go anywhere, then yeah, you got to do what you got to do, and if that's what you got to do, then utilize it.
Carmen Lezeth:I think it's also kind of a blessing. I mean I'm glad we have that because, again, it's how we met. You know what I mean, and I think sometimes you and I have conversations in the green room, we're laughing, whatever, and those are moments of joy as well I can imagine pre-internet.
Rick Costa:If I had to deal with this, what would I do?
Carmen Lezeth:right I don't know well, and so many people have done that in the past and it's really miserable, you know, um, so I think that's kind of a blessing. Um, I was gonna say music. I going to say music is probably one of the things that when I'm really feeling lonely or whatever, or feeling sad or missing my friends, I'll put on music and it does transport you. You know, sometimes it can also make you cry Like it got to be even sadder. So it depends on what you put on, you know.
Rick Costa:I remember there was like one school year. It was like the year that I actually started being stopped being so shy and I was trying to be more outgoing and talk to people and it was like, oh, it was such a great year. And then when school ended, everybody's like sad and I was like super sad. I was like, oh, I'm finally getting it, now it's over, I gotta wait till. And there was a song at that time that was like super sad. I was like, oh, I'm finally getting it, and now it's over. And I got to wait. And there was a song at that time that was like super popular, but it was like a sadder song. And to this day, if I hear that the sadness, I can feel it hitting me and I'm like why am I?
Carmen Lezeth:sad.
Rick Costa:That freaking song.
Carmen Lezeth:No, no, no, no. We cannot. No, no, no. I also think, and I know people aren't going to like this, but exercise and being outside, going out for a walk.
Rick Costa:Mood and everything. Exercise going outside, getting the sun, actual vitamin D, not just taking vitamin supplements. Get the real vitamin D from the sun. It all helps your mood.
Carmen Lezeth:It does, and people should do that more often. All right, well, look it. I'm glad that we had this talk. It sounds so fake when I do it like this, but I'm going to do it anyways.
Rick Costa:What's the old TV show I'm so glad we had this time. What's that? Carol?
Carmen Lezeth:Burnett, carol Burnett, yeah.
Rick Costa:Another funny person.
Carmen Lezeth:Another funny, awesome person. All right, so look it, rick. This was a really good, deep conversation. Thank you so much. I appreciate you so much.
Rick Costa:I hope it helps people.
Carmen Lezeth:I think it'll help people. It helped me. Ain't that enough?
Rick Costa:Yeah, sure.
Carmen Lezeth:Ain't it enough that when you go, I will know that you were a good man?
Rick Costa:Now I can die in peace.
Carmen Lezeth:You can't die yet, child. Yet we got at least another 50 years, okay, alright, everyone. Well, thank you so much for stopping by. We appreciate you. Remember we're on on Friday nights, 6pm Pacific, 9pm Eastern, on our regular lives. Everyone's invited to join and hang out and remember at the end of the day. It really is all about the joy. Bye everyone, goodnight, good afternoon, bye. To join and hang out and remember at the end of the day, it really is all about the joy. Bye everyone, good night, good afternoon, bye. Thanks for stopping by. All about the joy. Be better and stay beautiful folks. Have a sweet day.
