Being Wrong: Why Knowing Your Lane Is Your Real Superpower

In this final installment of the Know Thyself series, Carmen digs into one of the most uncomfortable but essential parts of being human: being wrong. Why do we double down? Why is it so hard to say “I don’t know”? And how does knowing your lane protect your integrity, your relationships, and your influence?

Using real‑life examples—from cars to sports to the cosmos—Carmen breaks down the difference between being familiar with something and actually knowing it. She explores why humility, curiosity, and the ability to say “I made a mistake” are not weaknesses but superpowers that build trust and community.

This episode also looks at how misinformation spreads, why so many people talk confidently about subjects they barely understand, and how that dynamic has shaped everything from friendships to politics to the influencer era. Carmen shares how she handles her own mistakes, why she avoids speaking outside her lane, and how you can do the same without losing your voice.

If you’ve ever felt pressured to have all the answers—or frustrated by people who pretend they do—this conversation will hit home.

Topics in this episode:

• Why humans hate being wrong
• The difference between expertise and familiarity
• How doubling down damages trust
• Why humility is a superpower
• Knowing your lane (and staying in it)
• How to apologize and recover from mistakes
• The influencer era and the cost of loud ignorance
• How to listen better, speak smarter, and stay curious

Series Note:
This is Part 5 of the Know Thyself series. If you missed the earlier episodes, check the show notes for links.

 All About The Joy is a network of four shows:

• Friday Night Live — our weekly neighborhood hangout (Fridays at 6pm PT / 9pm ET)
• Culture & Consequence — Carmen and Andrea’s weekly conversation on politics, culture, and the world we’re navigating (Thurs 6pm PST / 9pm EST)
• The Private Lounge — intimate conversations with brilliant guests from our community  (Sun 12pm PST / 3pm EST) 
• Carmen Talk — personal reflections, life lessons, and grounded conversations like this one  (Also intermittenly Sun 12pm PST / 3pm EST) 

Carment Talk - 1: You Don't Need to Love Yourself!

https://youtube.com/live/e7QHJKYIJU4

Carmen Talk - 2:  There are NO 5 Easy Steps

https://youtube.com/live/NTLy5AmMfxc

Carmen Talk - 3: My Brain - What is Aphantasia 

https://youtube.com/live/42ex0fe-ick

Carmen Talk - 4:  How Art Changed Who I Am

https://youtube.com/live/0-0X_yaOhyM

Thank you for stopping by.  Please visit our website: All About The Joy and add, like and share.  

You can now watch the livestream version of the show on YouTube at @CarmenLezeth 

You can also support us by shopping at our STORE - We'd appreciate that greatly.  Also, if you want to find us anywhere on social media, please check out the link in bio page.

Music By Geovane Bruno, Moments, 3481
Editing by Team A-J
Host, Carmen Lezeth


DISCLAIMER:  As always, please do your own research and understand that the opinions in this podcast and livestream are meant for entertainment purposes only. States and other areas may have different rules and regulations governing certain aspects discussed in this podcast.  Nothing in our podcast or livestream is meant to be medical or legal advice. Please use common sense, and when in doubt, ask a professional for advice, assistance, help and guidance. 

Transcript

Carmen Lezeth

[00:00:00] Hi everyone. Welcome to all about the joy. I am Carmen Lezeth, your host, and this is Carmen Talk. If I said to you, when you make a mistake, do you acknowledge it right away? Like, do you say, oh my goodness, I know I, I, I was wrong. I made a mistake. Most people would say, yes, absolutely. When I'm wrong, I acknowledge it.

[00:00:34] But the truth is most people don't like to be wrong, and most people don't acknowledge when they're wrong, and most people will double down. That's the stubborn part of us. But here's the thing that's pretty incredible about that. It's a very human thing to want to be right. It's a very human thing to want to be someone who doesn't get it wrong all the time.

[00:01:00] And I think that as we grow up as children, we are also taught that being wrong is really, really bad. The truth is being wrong is part of the process of being human. Making mistakes is part of the learning process. What you want to do is learn from your mistakes so that you don't make the same mistake twice.

[00:01:22] Right? That's where I get annoyed with people. I don't care if you make a mistake at the beginning. For the first time. But if you continuously keep making the mistake over and over and over again, that's where we have a problem, because you haven't learned from the mistake. And I think the thing about humans that is just magnificent and beautiful, and I mean this from the bottom of my heart, is that.

[00:01:43] We are continuously growing, we are continuously getting better. And if we're curious and if we're constantly in a space of learning and wanting to be better than we used to be, then we are always going to acknowledge when we got something wrong or we're gonna be very careful about not getting things wrong.

[00:02:06] And that's what this conversation is gonna be about today on Carmen talk. We're going to have a conversation about being wrong. 

[00:02:15] ​

[00:02:17] When you know thyself, when you know yourself well enough, when you understand who you are in the world, like in the in depth way, that I'm really trying to encourage people to do like a self-analysis of when you know yourself well enough, you know what you know and you know what you don't know.

[00:02:39] You are very confident in the things that you do know. You can back it up with receipts. You can give information and reference points. You know it like the back of your hand and you speak on it from that point of view. But more importantly, you realize that you don't know a lot of things, and so you learn to be quiet during those moments.

[00:03:08] You learn to be someone who listens and. Let me give you an example of what I'm talking about. Okay. I don't know anything at all the intricacies of space. I love everything that has to do with nasa. I have watched a lot of sci-fi because I love the whole idea of space. I don't know the intricacies of space.

[00:03:35] I have read people like Einstein and Stephen Hawking, and I listen to people like Neil Degrass Tyson and Brian Cox, and I follow them and I follow NASA and I love everything that has to do with space and black holes and the cosmos and all of that stuff, right. You're never going to hear me speaking on it or questioning people who do know everything about it.

[00:04:06] As much as I enjoy it, I would never get into a conversation with somebody about space. I am someone that stands with people and I will listen to the most intelligent people talk about these things, but I will not sit there and argue with people, even people who study and who are really into it, who are, you know, more into the intricacies of it all.

[00:04:31] I am not going to question them. I know my lane, my lane is as an observer, my lane is as someone who enjoys it. My lane is someone who watches sci-fi, you know? and so I think that's a really important thing to understand. Let me give a, a better analysis that might make more sense to all of us or most of us who may drive cars.

[00:04:56] I drive a car every day. I get my car registered. I pay the insurance. I get it washed. I bring it to get serviced, and I use a car every single day. Do you know what you're not gonna hear me talk about? I'm never gonna talk to you about how a car works. I'm not gonna talk to you about all the intricacies and differences in cars.

[00:05:21] I don't know the difference between a Lamborghini and Ferrari. And the only reason why they're showing up here is because I, it's stock footage, so. My point is that I'm never going to get into a conversation with people about cars because I know my lane. I understand fully and completely what I do know.

[00:05:43] I drive a car. I am not gonna sit here and start talking to you about the exhaust or the engine or the whatever, blah, blah, blah, happens with cars. I am not going to even try to have a conversation about the differences of cars, which one's a better car? None of. That is my lane. I don't know enough about that stuff in order to get into conversations and arguments about it.

[00:06:09] The reason why I don't make a lot of mistakes when I speak on things is because I don't talk about what I don't know.

[00:06:19] That is why it is not because I am smarter than anybody else. It is not because I know more than anyone else. It's because I do not talk on things that I can't bring receipts to, that I have not studied, researched, read. I know the things that I talk about fully and completely. I am not going to sit here and argue with people who are not in the same lane with me about a topic that I am positive I know more than you do.

[00:06:50] when you know yourself well enough, you understand what you know and what you don't know, and you don't jump into lanes. Just because you are familiar, being familiar with something doesn't make you an expert at it. And look it, here's the thing, I don't think you have to be an expert at everything.

[00:07:11] But again, if you're going to have a conversation with people on a subject that you are not as fully, completely aware of it, understand full you, then you are going to make yourself look like a fool. Because you're gonna end up doubling down on something that you don't know enough about. Because again, we go back to that human need to wanting to be accepted, wanting to be acknowledged, and wanting to be right.

[00:07:39] So let me tell you why this is really important, because I absolutely believe this is why we're in the issue we're in right now with politics and this country and the division. I mean, there's a lot of reasons why we're in this situation. Most people who are talking on politics have no idea about the basics of how this country runs.

[00:08:03] And look it, I am not saying that everybody has to be an expert, but people do need to turn around and be able to say, you know what? I don't know enough about this. Maybe I'm just going to listen. I am just going to listen and then I'm going to do my research to try to understand what I don't know. And when somebody who does know what they're talking about, whether it be cars or sports or space, calls you out on something and you double down on your ignorance, you look like a fool.

[00:08:37] And let me give you an example. If I was turning around and saying, I think the Knicks did an amazing job with that last touchdown, it was amazing. People who know sports. Can see that right away, blatantly how wrong that is. If you don't know sports teams and you don't understand this, and I, I don't know nothing about sports, but I'm gonna tell you right now, the Knicks are a basketball team and basketball does not have touchdowns.

[00:09:07] But that's how glaringly bad when people are talking about politics who don't know the basics of politics. That's how bad it sounds. It is so glaring. It is so glaring, and now you are watching so many people that helped put Trump in office. Now you're watching them all realize something that so many of us have known for so long.

[00:09:34] It is so glaringly obvious when people are wrong. Yeah, but here's the problem with that, and this isn't a conversation about politics, but this is a great example, especially right now in what's happening in our country, right? When you double down on something you know nothing about, and you have some power, you can influence so many people and in the process hurt them.

[00:10:03] And that is exactly why this is such an important thing. 'cause it's not just about politics, it's about your friendships, it's about your relationships with coworkers. Doubling down on being wrong because you have an ego issue or a pride issue is what makes it even worse because it is as glaring as saying the Knicks touchdown, right?

[00:10:29] It's just, it's so glaringly wrong. Okay. It's so glaringly wrong to everyone else who knows more than you do about whatever the conversation is. Now, here's the good news. Everyone makes mistakes. It's a human, human thing to do. The mistake is not the problem. Me making a mistake about the nicks, having a touchdown is not the issue.

[00:10:54] Me making a mistake about cars or whatever it is, is not the issue. Even making a mistake about politics is not the issue. Your superpower, your superpower is saying, you know what? I made a mistake. I, you know what? I shouldn't have spoke. I shouldn't have said a word on that. 

[00:11:14] The reason why I am so quick to apologize for a mistake that I've made is because I am fully aware. My power as a human being and my ability to influence and hurt other people. So when I make a mistake, when I know or somebody points it out, it's even better. Let me tell you the superpowers.

[00:11:38] When somebody else says, you know what, Carmen, I actually think that's not right. I think so. You know, whatever. This movie was this blah, blah, blah. And I go, oh my God, I'm so sorry. Whatever. People will still respect who you are, more so because you showed them that you are able to turn around and say, I'm sorry I made a mistake.

[00:12:00] I'll tell you the biggest one, the biggest flex that I have always had is saying, I don't know. I don't know enough about that to make a comment on it. That's not my lane saying, I don't know. 

[00:12:16] I'm talking about actually acknowledging that this is not a subject I am fully and completely aware of and able to comment on at this time. Your superpower is being able to be humble, to be able to say, I don't know enough about this, or I made a mistake. People do not understand that. When you are able to do that, you show people that you are able to acknowledge a mistake, and people love that.

[00:12:49] People like to feel like, oh, she's one of us. Oh, she did apologize because she doesn't know everything. On the flip side, the other part of it too is don't talk on things you know nothing about that'll help you. I have been in a room full of people that are all academics, talking way over my head, standing there trying to be part of the conversation.

[00:13:14] And when somebody acknowledged me and said, Carmen, what do you think? I just said, I am so sorry. I have no idea what you guys are talking about. And I'm just trying to keep up. And what ends up happening is people like, oh my God, we're sorry. Um, and they basically, I mean, they wouldn't say this 'cause they're good in decent people.

[00:13:32] They're like. Basically, let's dumb it down for you. Let's make it a simpler conversation so that you understand people will include you when you show yourself to be someone who wants to be part of it and that you're not the know-it-all, and that you're not the stubborn doubling down person and you're not the person who always has to be right.

[00:13:53] It is a superpower to be humble, to be curious, to be able to say, I made a mistake, and to be able to say, I don't know, something.

[00:14:03] When you know who you are, you realize that admiring something doesn't make you an expert in it. When you know who you are, you understand that there are some things you can speak on and some things that even if you know a lot about it, that maybe you shouldn't speak on it at all. If you're gonna speak on it, you're going to have to be able to bring receipts to it or acknowledge when you make a mistake.

[00:14:32] Let me tell you, I feel like people. This world wants so badly to be accepted, to be loved, to be acknowledged, to be part of a community. And I absolutely get it because that's the same thing I want too. But the way you become someone who's part of a community isn't by always doubling down even when you're wrong.

[00:15:00] You don't become part of the community by being the know it all. Now I get, you know, kind of, uh, thrown under the bus sometimes because I sound like a know-it-all all the time. But the reason why I sound like a know-it-all, all the time is 'cause you don't hear me talking about things I know nothing about.

[00:15:22] I don't. But the things I do know, I'm going to stand on business and I will give you receipts, and yet I will still acknowledge when I've made a mistake. Because being human means you are going to make mistakes. Nobody is perfect, but I just want you to know. You're not the only one. Everyone, I don't care who it is.

[00:15:47] Even Neil deGrasse Tyson, right? One of the most brilliant people. Brian Cox, one of the most brilliant people. They make mistakes too, you know? And everyone who is human makes mistakes. The best thing you can do is continue to be curious, continue to be somebody that is learning all the time, and to realize that no one.

[00:16:11] No one is an expert at everything. Even Einstein made mistakes. That's the beauty of being human, and what makes you a wonderful human being is somebody who can acknowledge that, say, I don't know, apologize for the mistakes you make. Learn from that and move forward and continue to be a curious human being instead of a perfect human being.

[00:16:39] So what do you do once you've acknowledged you made a mistake? Once you realize you got it wrong and you've decided, you know what? I made a mistake on that. What do you do? it depends on the circumstance. I think it depends on the subject, 

[00:16:56] I will share this with you when I make a mistake. When I do something wrong, not only do I acknowledge it and apologize for it, I then go back and try to fix or relearn or research why I made the mistake to begin with. Right? So for me, a lot of things tend to be that I cross information, so. And I'm not saying on everything, but again, I am thinking about big issues.

[00:17:25] Um, so maybe things like politics or talking about history. History is a really hard one for me. I try not to speak on history, but sometimes what will happen is I will cross information. So I'll take one piece of information from one place and information from another place, and I'll accidentally mix it in my head.

[00:17:44] And I like to try to figure out why I misunderstood something or why I got something wrong, to understand the logic behind it. And then I wanna go back and do the research to get it right. And I think if, any of you who've watched Culture and Consequence, the show that Andrea and I do that.

[00:18:03] Actually is more about politics and just kind of societal issues that are going on in the day. Um, when we do that show, you'll see that after I go in and edit, I will go in and put bullet points at the bottom to clarify anything. Um, and anything that we talk about that is a mistake once I do the research on it, because, you know, we're fiery, we're having these arguments and conversations, it's not gonna show up on the show.

[00:18:30] I am going to delete that information and I have, you know, reached out to Andrea, and I'll say, oh, we made a mistake on this amendment or whatever. We said, blah, blah, blah, just, and she'll be like, oh yeah, that's not what I meant. But I'm not gonna put that out there for people to embrace and take on.

[00:18:51] 'cause I know that people are listening to what we have to say. Now, I'm not sitting here saying that every show I edit and I'm like deleting stuff. 'cause again, both of us don't talk about things we don't know. But what I'm trying to acknowledge here is when you do make a mistake, you wanna go back. You wanna figure out why you made the mistake.

[00:19:10] Why did you misunderstand that? Why? And maybe it's just because you didn't know. That's okay. You didn't know you were in the moment. It was the heat you got into it, whatever. But what you never wanna do is double down. When somebody you respect, when somebody you respect and you know that they know what they're talking about confronts you, the most you could do is just say, you know what?

[00:19:33] Let, let, let me look into that. I don't, I don't know. I think I'm right, but let me look into that. But you don't double down. It's when you disrespect someone, when you don't have any respect for another person that you blow them off. And I don't have people in my life that like, if I respect you, if I have some semblance of respect for who you are in the world, I'm gonna hear you out.

[00:19:58] I'm gonna hear you out. But again, I've gotten to a place in my life and I know I know what this sounds like, but I'm sharing this information with you, not to be a pompous ass, but because I want everyone to gain some information. From what I'm sharing from my experience to help, not because I think everyone should be exactly like me, but I do think people need to be better about being right about stuff if you're gonna double down on it.

[00:20:31] I do think it's important that if you're gonna talk about something, that you know it so well that you are right more times than not. You don't have to be perfect all the time, but when you're not perfect, you do need to be able to acknowledge that. So I'm sharing this because it has helped me so much in my life, and I wish more people would be quiet and not talk on things they know nothing about, just because they heard it from.

[00:21:03] The politics bros or whoever it is, right? It's such a glaring moment right now. It's such a glaring moment in our country, in the United States to watch so many of the people that put Donald Trump in office, watch them now reverse themselves. It took a long time. I don't know how it took so long, but I'm just grateful that they're here now.

[00:21:27] And what I'm trying to say is. When you are someone who is listening to other people, even listening to me, turn around and do your own research before you speak on something. You know, unless it's somebody who has a PhD in something or is a doctor in something, or has been in the world of this environment, like you are not gonna talk to me about dance.

[00:21:57] Okay. You are not gonna talk to me about performance if you even listen to me at all on any of our shows. I've never talked to people about dance and performance on any of our shows. Do you know why? Because I know that everyone else that I am in conversation with, it's not their lane. That's not to say they don't have an opinion about it.

[00:22:22] It's just not a conversation I'm gonna start talking about with people. Now, who do I talk to about dance and performance? Someone like Billy, somebody who I grew up with in the world of performing who I know understands it and we have conversations all the time and we share different articles and videos and, right, because that's the world we grew up in.

[00:22:48] And so we have a different take on it. Now if I was standing in the room, you know, with somebody, um, who is a professional and has been doing this their entire lives and, you know, um, is an expert in the field, I would still be humble and curious because I know my lane, I know what my experience is compared to theirs.

[00:23:18] let me give you an example of what I'm talking about. If I was sitting in the room and talking to Lin Manuel Miranda about stage performance, I am, he created Hamilton. He is a genius of our time. I am not gonna sit here and be like, well, well you know what, Lynn? I think blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.

[00:23:39] Okay. I know who he is. I know all the awards he has. I know all the work he has done. I revere him. I am not gonna argue with him about performance, about, uh, the skill of acting and dance. I am going to absorb. Absorb, I can't say that word very well, like a dry sponge. I'm going to take everything he's given me and learn from it, right, and be quenched and understand everything that he is talking about because I know that he is an expert way above my pay grade.

[00:24:17] You see what I'm saying? So when you know yourself, when you understand who you are, you are able to understand who the experts are, who the people are that you should be listening to, and why it's important to do your own research. You know, look at, I'm not saying all the political bros or bad people. I think it's, um, an unfortunate circumstance that influencers have become such a powerhouse.

[00:24:45] In our world, even if they know nothing about what they're talking about or even if they just know a little bit and then they expand on it in such a brute fashion, and it influenced so many people. I just think it was, an unfortunate.

[00:25:01] Convoluted moment of too many things, creating the perfect storm and accident, you know? We're here now, and now we have to fix this. and it's unfortunate, but it's a good moment. It's a good learning lesson for all of us to understand. When you are listening to people, even me or all the big time influencers that people have been listening to, you need to be able to understand who they are and then do your research anyway.

[00:25:32] Who are they? Where did they go to school? How much time have they been working on this stuff? If you even did that. So many of these people would not have continued talking about politics.

[00:25:44] Okay, but look it, I don't wanna make this all about politics. I don't wanna lose the, the theme here. The theme is really about who are you in the world? What is your lane? What is your expertise in? And look it, even if you're not an expert, how much of your information that you're talking about a subject, do you really know?

[00:26:06] Have you done any research to know who the Knicks are versus what a touchdown is? Right? Do you understand the difference between basketball and football? If you are going to have a conversation with people about sports, you gotta know at least the basics. You gotta understand the differences, right? You can't get into a conversation with a bunch of people who know everything about sports and start talking about the Knicks and associating that with a touchdown, you're going to look like a fool.

[00:26:37] So if you're gonna walk into the room, at least understand the structure, at least understand the basics, right? And be someone who listens more. Then speaks more on it. And if you're gonna speak on it, speak on it from a, a, a position of where you do know stuff. Right? Like I remember one time a whole bunch of people were talking about sports and I was just listening 'cause it's not my jam, it's not my thing.

[00:27:00] I mean, I love sports. I've, I've, you know, I, I grew up on, in Fenway and so I, I, I know baseball and I do love basketball. I don't know enough to have a conversation with a bunch of people who watch sports all the time and understand it. So I was just listening and when they asked me a question and they happened to be talking about football, I was like, well, I just think so and so was hot.

[00:27:22] Like that was my lane. I'm like, he just really good looking, you know? And it was kind of a funny him. It was hilarious. That was all I wanted to contribute because my whole thing was listening. Listening to the dynamics, watching, understanding what they were talking about, and sometimes that's enough just being part of the group.

[00:27:43] You don't have to be the expert in the room about everything all the time. 

[00:27:46] 

[00:27:49] Hey everyone. Thank you so much for hanging out and listening, and if you haven't watched all five parts of the Know Thyself series, I will put them in the show notes and I hope you can check it out 

[00:28:01] So I appreciate you hanging out, listening in and yeah.

[00:28:06] Please, please, please check out the entire series. Also, remember, we have three other shows, all about the joys and network of four shows. This is one of them. The other shows are our flagship show, which is Friday Night Live, which is the Neighborhood Hangout, which is a live streaming live show, and you're all welcome to hang out.

[00:28:27] Or watch at your leisure. That's also an option. And it's every Friday night at 6:00 PM Pacific, 9:00 PM Eastern. We also have culture and consequence, which is really just two friends hanging out. We have a weekly conversation and that's what Andrea and I have always done. And so now we just are sharing that conversation with all of you.

[00:28:47] But it really is heavily on politics and we try to do our best to share. Correct information and also share our gripes and our joys and our laughing moments. We also talk about a lot of cultural US things. We're trying to get Andrea back to watching Hallmark movies, but I don't know if that's gonna work, but we'll see.

[00:29:10] Um, and then of course, the other show is our private lounge, which has been on hold for a little bit. Uh, our private lounge is when we have the intimate conversations with individuals in the community. And sharing their exquisite, wonderful, brilliant selves in what they are doing in the world. And we've had so many different people in the private lounge.

[00:29:30] We've had doctors, we've had directors, we've had actors, we've had writers and authors and life coaches, and we've had so many different people. It's been amazing. And I am going to be bringing that back next week. So that usually airs on Sundays. Where I'm doing Karma talks right now and, uh, at 12:00 PM Pacific, 3:00 PM Eastern.

[00:29:54] And yeah, I hope you are enjoying all about the joy. Please remember to like, share, and more importantly, subscribe. We appreciate you. We look forward to hanging out with you again. And remember, at the end of the day, it really is all about the joy. Bye everyone. Thanks for stopping by all about the joy. Be better and stay beautiful folks.

[00:30:18] Have a sweet day.