Why I Celebrate My Birthday Like It’s a National Holiday

In this Carmen Talk, I’m diving into a topic we all pretend to joke about but secretly stress over — aging. And you know me, I’m not here to sugarcoat anything or pretend I’ve got it all figured out. I’m just sharing the truth of how I got here.

I talk about why birthdays have always felt like a blessing to me, how growing up without consistent adults shaped the way I see time, and what it meant to lose my mom when she was only 49. Those early years taught me something I didn’t even understand until much later: getting older is the goal.

We also get into the fun stuff — the stages of life we celebrate, the ones we dread, why women get hit with so much negativity around aging, and why I actually feel calmer, more grounded, and more myself now than I ever did in my 20s or 30s. There’s even a little Star Trek wisdom in here because… well, it’s me.

If you’ve ever rolled your eyes at your own birthday or felt that little panic when someone asks your age, this episode might give you a different way to look at it — lighter, kinder, and a whole lot more joyful.

If this episode brought you a little joy, consider liking, subscribing, or sharing it with someone who might need it. And remember, it really is All About the Joy.

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Music By Geovane Bruno, Moments, 3481
Editing by Team A-J
Host, Carmen Lezeth


DISCLAIMER:  As always, please do your own research and understand that the opinions in this podcast and livestream are meant for entertainment purposes only. States and other areas may have different rules and regulations governing certain aspects discussed in this podcast.  Nothing in our podcast or livestream is meant to be medical or legal advice. Please use common sense, and when in doubt, ask a professional for advice, assistance, help and guidance. 

Transcript

[00:00:00] Hi, everyone. Welcome to All About the Joy. I am Carmen Lezeth your host, and this is Carmen Talk. I wanna talk about aging, and I know this is a really touchy subject for a lot of people, but I just wanna give you a different way possibly to think about it. And I wanna first start by saying, the reason why I have a different idea about aging is because of the circumstances I grew up in, which makes sense, right?

[00:00:39] Everyone, is a product of how they grew up, so that's not really, so surprising. But my childhood, as so many people who follow our podcast and live stream know, I lost my mom when I was really young. I never knew my dad, and so I ended up living in different people's homes, but I also ended up living on the streets as well.

[00:01:01] Uh, I had a great childhood, and I think it's because I also choose to see it that way. there's no doubt that all of us have dealt with some type of trauma and tragedy, so I'm not trying to dismiss what my childhood was like. I just choose to see the best parts of it and move forward because sometimes we can get stuck, right?

[00:01:26] But one thing I remember that really kind of changed my whole idea without me even knowing till I was older about aging was my birthday. I would do this whole bargain with God, right? Because I was so, I was so stressed as a kid. I was so sad as a kid, and there were moments where I would find myself alone, and I would be in such fear.

[00:01:53] And I think every kid, I don't care what your circumstances, has experienced that feeling of aloneness and just being really, really afraid. And I would bargain with God, and I would say things like, "If I can make it to my 14th birthday, I promise to do, you know, A, B, C, and D." And I, I did that so often. I did it a lot, and I never thought I would make it to my birthday.

[00:02:20] I really thought... There were times when I really thought I wouldn't make it, that something would happen to me, that I would get hurt, that nobody would notice, you know. Um, and I'm not trying to make light of that, but that bargaining with God, and, and I'm doing quotes not to be disrespectful, but- It was a different time for me back then, and my ideas about God and religion are very different now.

[00:02:45] But in the same sense, still, I had this conversation and I would make these promises and I would keep those promises with God if I made it to my next birthday. But what ended up happening is every year that I would make it to my next birthday, I would see it as such a blessing and such a joy to get a year older.

[00:03:07] And I would thank God like, "Oh, thank you for letting me turn 16. Thank you for letting me make it to my birthday." Now, this probably makes a lot more sense if you also understand that my mom died at 49, right? Really young age to die. And,I just, you know, I was just a little kid. I was 11 and a half when she passed away.

[00:03:24] And so I was dealing with not having consistent adults or people in my life to kind of, um, rely on and to gain a sense of security. I think that's the worst thing about growing up was not having a sense of security that I was gonna be all right. I wish somebody had told me consistently, right? It's one thing to tell a kid once, and, and, and a lot of the grownups that were in my life, and I'm so blessed and grateful for them, did tell me that things were gonna be okay, but it wasn't a consistent thing and I didn't have a consistency growing up.

[00:04:00] This all matters to aging because when you grow up being grateful for the next day, the next birthday, you start to understand that aging, even if it wasn't intentional in my head at the time, what ended up happening was I started being grateful to make it to 15, to make it to 16, to make it to 17 and 18 and old, right?

[00:04:26] And, and at that time, especially when I ended up going to college, I ended up understanding how everyone else saw their birthdays as, "I'm getting so old." You hear kids today, I have to, like, kind of admonish some of the kids in my life for even talking that way and they're, like, 13, 14 years old and saying, "Oh my God, I'm so old."

[00:04:48] It's such a strange thing in our society that we do this And here's the thing. When I was growing up, I remember we revered our elders. And I always say this might be a cultural thing, you know, because my family was Latino, right? it was very culturally different. But here's an interesting thing.

[00:05:10] The people that lived downstairs from my mother's house on the first floor, we always called them my cousins. They were not my cousins. but Miss Oma, who I write about in my book, Canela, 

[00:05:21] she was from Germany. There was a, like, you revered her.

[00:05:26] Like, you would, you had such respect. And I remember I would listen to her. She would, you know, talk about Germany and the war and, how she got here. and it was something that you sat and listened to as a kid, and you were intrigued, and there was a level of respect that you would give elders. And I feel like in the United States, we've lost a lot of that.

[00:05:51] The idea that our elders are full of wisdom or deserving of a level of respect that is earned. And to me, combined with the way in which I grew up and the way in which I saw how we were taught to treat elders, I think for me, getting older, also my mom dying at 49, getting older is the goal, right? If-- And, and this is gonna be weird 'cause, 'cause I'm gonna hit 60 soon and it's like, I remember being like, "If I make it to the big old age of 65 like, I will have made it."

[00:06:35] Like, I would have these conversations, right, with God, and I would-- 'cause I write in my journal all the time, and I would, these would be the things I would talk about. Getting older for me has always been the goal. It has never been this horrible, treacherous, terrible thing. I love my birthday. Anybody who knows me knows that I cherish that day.

[00:06:59] I love that day. There was a time when all my friends lived closer to me that I would spend, uh, either lunch or dinner with them throughout the month, you know, one of them or whatever. And we would do different dates so that I could, uh, really enjoy my birthday with that specific friend. And I have always loved my birthday, and I wish other people would as well.

[00:07:18] And I'm not saying everyone doesn't, but most people hate the idea of getting older, and I think it's because we have vilified it. We have not honored it, and we don't understand the pluses to getting older. And so I wanna talk about some of those as well. Let me give you another little anecdote that happened.

[00:07:38] Uh, this was about 10 years ago. That made me really understand how bad the whole aging idea was. I had met a new friend, this woman, and we had met through mutual friends, and we decided to go have dinner, and she was talking about her husband, I was talking about the guy I was dating. You know, it was just, just becoming new friends.

[00:08:01] And at one point we went to the bar and we got a drink or whatever, and she asked me, "How old are you?" And I told her how old I was. I, I think at the time I was 40. I think I was 40. And she turned around and she was like, "How can you be 40? Why am I the oldest one in the room? I can't believe it." And I, I watched this woman, like, kind of have a little panic meltdown.

[00:08:29] It w- it was a little bit weird for me. Like, I said, "Oh my God. Oh my God. I'm just kidding. I'm just kidding. I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm actually 45," right? So I actually upped my age so that I could make her feel better because she was 45, or, or I think she was 44, so I upped it a, a... I will never, ever forget that because that was the first time as an adult I understood really deeply, not just kind of, uh, the theory and on the outskirts of it, but I really understood, how bad it is, especially for women, but men too, just generationally how we hate getting older.

[00:09:11] We- it's not just about our looks, right? We all focus on the wrinkles, and the hair, and the grays, and the whatever, the sagging or whatever it is. It's not just that. It's the idea that getting older somehow is a bad thing. Let me tell you something, getting older is a privilege. I already said that. and that's not just a wonky, crazy thing to say.

[00:09:37] It really is an absolute truth. Getting older, when that's your goal, you start to embrace the best parts of what it means. I always looked at people who kind of vilified getting older as people who hadn't had tragedy in their life and lost someone that they loved at a really young age. Because once that happens to you, and I'm not wishing that be the reason why people get that, that's why I'm doing this right now.

[00:10:10] But once you understand that somebody died way too young, and I don't care if it was their time or whatever, you start to appreciate on a whole different level what it means to have this privilege of having another day, having another birthday, having another decade. 

[00:10:30] Let's talk about the good parts of getting older, because I think that's just as fascinating.

[00:10:36] When you are a little baby, when you're born, and you have that first stage in life, you begin to crawl, and then you begin to walk, and you're mumbling and talking, and dada, mama, whatever, that's, that's one stage that we love and revere. And then kids get into their teens, and they have their puberty moments, and they go through that trauma.

[00:11:00] And then you become this young adult, and you're, oh my God, you love everybody. Every guy is, you know, the perfect guy, and, um, you're just trying to f- figure out who you are, and your hormones are going crazy. And then, you know, maybe you go to college or you, move out of your parents' home, and maybe you get married or whatever it is, and then you have your kid.

[00:11:22] That's a whole other stage. And I forget who said this. I don't know if it was Oprah or, um, Miss Maya Angelou or, I'm not sure, but I think somebody off the cuff one time said, uh, "You don't become a real woman till you're 40" you know? And I've always really liked that line because I do think there's something that happens when you get into your 40s, that kinda changes the game a bit, at least as a woman.

[00:11:49] I think between 30 and 40 is when I started understanding that there was all this negative stuffage about, things like menopause and, like, like as if it was the doom, right? But we don't do that to all the stages that come before, right? You see? Like, we, we don't talk negatively. Those are all things we see as part of the process.

[00:12:09] But then somehow, when women have to go through, uh, perimenopause and menopausal systems or whatever, now that's like you're on the decline, as opposed to it's just part of the process. It's part of the next thing. And I knew that instinctively. I knew that instinctively because of the way in which I was looking at my birthday and the days that were passing me by.

[00:12:34] And I sh- didn't listen to anyone. I didn't listen to people. I mean, I listened to probably more women doctors about that. But I was excited to get older. I still am. I still am getting I'm still excited about it. But I feel like if we had a better attitude about this being just part of the next process and that- When you turn 40, you become a real woman.

[00:13:01] Like, if you had that attitude, if you had that joy about it, it wouldn't be this weird negative kind of attitude towards getting older. And look at, I know we talk about wrinkles and gray- ah, everybody... Look it, I got gray hair right now. That's why I got my hair up. You know? Like, I hate the gray hair. That has nothing to do with me getting older, and everything to do with me liking what I look like when I don't have all of these wrinkles here.

[00:13:31] Like, I think it's beautiful. Some women have beautiful, you know, faces, and the lines and the wrinkles, and that works for them. I hate the gray hair, and I do, I've said it a million times, I get Botox. You know what? People get upset because I talk about this, but I wanna be honest about it. I think it's import- There's nothing wrong with wanting to look my best, so I get Botox in here.

[00:13:52] Everyone has heard me talk about it on Friday Night Lives. I think whatever people are doing to make themselves feel better is good, but that's the surface stuff. What are you doing for your inner s- uh, you know, your inner heart, your inner soul, your inner being, about loving yourself no matter your age, right?

[00:14:13] 'Cause you can fix all of this. "Fix", I do quotes as I say that, 'cause anything that you are growing into is exactly how you should be, okay? If you have wrinkles and you don't wanna get Botox, that's not a problem. You don't need to. Nobody needs to get Botox, okay? Nobody needs to take away their gray hair or whatever it is.

[00:14:36] So to me, it's this really wonderful kind of thing. Like, I'm okay with whatever I do on the surface part of me to make myself look the way I feel inside, because my insides are on point and I know who I am, and I feel good about who I am. And that's what I think is important. Like, I'm not dismissing my age 'cause I'm a real woman, say, after you turn 40, and I'm in my 50s.

[00:15:04] I'm going to be hitting 60 soon. And I'm kind of excited about it. And I say kinda, because, like, I had these dreams of where I was gonna be at 65. I still got time though. I still got time, so I'm not worried about it. but one of the things that is amazing about getting older is you start to feel more secure in who you are.

[00:15:28] And that's something that I think is kind of universal. I think that you have to remember that you may feel insecure because you're looking at the grays and the wrinkles and the whatever, but if you really stop looking at that for a moment and remember that's just the outside, think about how you deal with things now as an adult versus as you did as a kid.

[00:15:51] And I don't know if this is for everyone, but this is just me, and maybe somebody else can understand this, okay? I turned around and I would have mini temper tantrums when something went wrong. I didn't do it to the outside world, but I would have those convulsing, crying moments where I just... You know, like if something happened, like if somebody, you know, rejected me or dumped me or whatever it was, it would be uncontrollable.

[00:16:18] You know? It was, like, ridiculous. Or if I failed a test or if I did something that, like if somebody hated me, like the way in which I handled that was so teenager and young adult-ish, right? When you get older, you're so much more calmer and able to deal with things in a really different way. Even if you have some characteristics that are still youthful, there's something about the experience that comes with being a real woman or a real man, and I just mean, you know, you get into your older years, into your 40s and 50s.

[00:16:59] It's just different how you handle anything that's bad, terrible, didn't go your way, tragedy, right? I love that about getting older. I am not as pained or as angry or as upset about things when things don't go my way. I can handle it better. And that, man, if I had that when I was a teenager, I'd be a whole different person today.

[00:17:21] I don't know. But that to me is one of the best things about getting older. I think it's probably one of my favorite things. I handle things better. I'm emotionally much more stable, and I'm calmer. On the most basic of things, I just feel better about life in general and how I can handle it as opposed to when I was younger.

[00:17:43] I wanna read a quote, that comes from a movie that most people probably haven't seen unless you're a sci-fi junkie like myself. Uh, so it's, it's actually a really famous quote from Star Trek: Generations, the movie, and it's when Jean-Luc Picard, the captain, is talking to Will Riker, and they're talking about time.

[00:18:06] And I love this quote, and so I wanna read it. " Someone once told me that time was a predator that stalked us all our lives." "But I rather believe that time is a companion who goes with us on the journey and reminds us to cherish every moment." I think this quote is so profound on so many levels. Just forget for a moment, for those of you who are not sci-fi fans and the quote itself is so beautiful, and that's how I look at time.

[00:18:42] I see time and aging as part of the process. I see time and aging the same way I saw it when I saw, you know, my goddaughter take her first steps, or when I see any kid going through whatever they're going through in their teens and they're turning, you know, 17 or 18 years old, or whatever it is. Like, I see it as a joyful, powerful, beautiful moment, and just because I'm older doesn't take away from that.

[00:19:14] It's actually even more interesting because I can look back and see where I came from, like how I got here. I think this is so important because if we ourselves can change the way in which we feel about getting older, and again, I'm not talking about the aesthetics. The aesthetics, we're human beings, right?

[00:19:38] we're, just like any other animal, we want to look our best. We want to look pretty. We want to attract, you know, a mate or whatever it is, right? We wanna look our best. The aesthetics is not the issue. It's what you believe inside about who you are. Does your beauty inside overpower anything people see here?

[00:20:01] I am positive mine does. Positive. Even if whoever's watching don't believe it. You know what I mean? But it's about my confidence. It's about how I feel about it. If we feel good about getting older, if we feel good, then we can become like Miss Oma. Because here's the thing, when you are someone who feels good about who you are, and you are an elder, and you are respected- That also changes the way in which younger people look at you, right?

[00:20:34] So if young, like if, if we're just living our lives in dread of getting older, and then we're all like sad and miserable or whatever because now we're old and we're useless and blah, blah, blah, that takes away from the ability for people to revere you. In the same respects, we need to get back to a place to revere our elders.

[00:20:53] They have wisdom. Look it, I know a lot of people crazy. A lot of people will say to me, "Carmen, you don't have parents. You don't know how hard it is." That's not what we're talking about. I know old people. I know a lot of them . I revere old people. I actually think it's better to talk to older people, even if what they're talking about, like they don't know computers or they don't, you know, they're not on social media or whatever.

[00:21:17] When you speak to older people and you ask them a question and they come up with the answers from their experience, you are able to just learn something even more valuable about the life that they have led and about where you are today. And you can mesh those things, and it's powerful. You, you cannot, you cannot learn more from experience, right?

[00:21:44] You can read a book about how to be a parent. Here, here's a great example. You can read a book about being a great parent, right? I remember all my friends when they had kids, they had read like all these books, and they were like, "Well, the book says blah, blah, blah."

[00:21:56] And I remember like kind of rolling my eyes, being like, "None of my business 'cause I ain't no parent. I'm not becoming a parent," you know what I mean? But it doesn't matter how many books you read. Until you're a parent, you don't know what it's like to be a parent, right? I don't know what it's like to be a parent, but I sure as hell am not gonna go read a whole bunch of books and then start telling actual parents how to parent.

[00:22:19] See what I'm saying? Whenever I talk about parenting issues, I'm coming at it from an outsider, and I always say that. But that's my point, is when you speak to older people, their experience alone will outmatch anything else you can learn. But we need to start getting to a place if we can appreciate who we are as we get older, we will then have a better sense of who we are in the aging process.

[00:22:49] We will also be someone who's like, "Yeah, mm-hmm, I'm 80. I am grateful to be here. I'm 90. I am grateful to be here. I want to blah, blah, blah, blah, blah." You know what I mean? And when you have that sense of self and dignity and happiness- That's a very different way to live, but we have to start doing that now at, at our younger ages.

[00:23:14] And everyone else, we need to start having much more respect and much more decency to older people. We need to be people who revere our elders again. We need to be able to look up to people and understand that, yeah, it's hard to get older, but you know what? It's also hard to be young. Ask any Gen Z or Alpha.

[00:23:37] Is it Alpha? I don't even know what the, what the next generation is. Life is hard, right? I think life is hard. But life can also be joyful. It can also be beautiful. It can also be full of happiness. There is always gonna be sadness. There's always gonna be tragedy. There's always gonna be isms. Life cannot be a continuous moment of crazy happiness.

[00:24:02] You'd be in a institution if that were the case. It has ebbs and flows, but you can choose which way you choose to see the world. And I just feel like, time is our friend. If that's what you choose time to be, it is healing. I feel like time for me actually slows down as I get older because I think things are calmer.

[00:24:31] I think things are so much easier. Even as things are not okay, you know, whether it's financially or we're looking for whatever, like politics or, you know, you're trying to start your business or doing whatever. there are things that are difficult in life. I'm not trying to pretend that they're not.

[00:24:47] Those are hard. But there is something magically beautiful about being this calm and being this okay with whatever's coming my way because time is working with me. Time is a friend. Time is what I have right now, right? Time is what you have right now because you've been given another day. And so I want us to grasp that.

[00:25:15] I want us to remember that, and I want us to start changing the way in which we feel about getting older. Getting older is a privilege. Please don't ever forget that. Hey, everyone. Thank you again for watching my Carmen Talks. I really appreciate it. I also appreciate you supporting All About the Joy and all of our other shows under the network of All About the Joy.

[00:25:37] If you could please like, and share, and make sure you subscribe to our YouTube channel, I would really appreciate it. so thanks again. We'll see you next time, and remember, at the end of the day, it really is all about the joy. Bye. Thanks for stopping by All About the Joy. Be better and stay beautiful, folks.

[00:25:58] Have a sweet day.