Social Media Isn’t the Villain - We’re Just Using It Wrong

In this episode of Carmen Talk, Carmen breaks down the truth about social media — not as a villain, but as a tool we need to learn how to use with intention. From childhood warnings about television to today’s panic over apps and algorithms, Carmen explains why the real issue isn’t the platforms themselves, but how we engage with them.

She shares her personal rules for healthy phone and social media habits, the boundaries she sets with friends, and why curating who you follow matters more than ever. This conversation is honest, funny, a little spicy, and full of practical insight about reclaiming your time, your attention, and your digital space.

At the end of the day, social media isn’t going anywhere — so let’s learn to use it with purpose, clarity, and joy.

As always, remember it really is All About The Joy.

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Music By Geovane Bruno, Moments, 3481
Editing by Team A-J
Host, Carmen Lezeth


DISCLAIMER:  As always, please do your own research and understand that the opinions in this podcast and livestream are meant for entertainment purposes only. States and other areas may have different rules and regulations governing certain aspects discussed in this podcast.  Nothing in our podcast or livestream is meant to be medical or legal advice. Please use common sense, and when in doubt, ask a professional for advice, assistance, help and guidance. 

Transcript

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[00:00:11] Hi, everyone. Welcome to All About the Joy. I am Carmen Lezeth, your host, and this is Carmen Talk. When I was growing up, I remember that the big thing was that television was going to, turn my brain into mush. Or I remember the other thing that people would say all the time, which was, adults primarily would say, "Don't sit so close to the TV," right?

[00:00:47] "You're gonna go blind," or, " Your eyes are gonna get crossed," or something like that. But- There was always this idea that TV was bad for us and that what we should be doing more of is reading a book or going outside and play. And so television was always like the boogeyman kinda thing, you know? Now television has kind of gotten into the background a bit.

[00:01:12] Television has become more of a tool that we use when we need to use it, and the new boogeyman now is social media. todayI want to talk about social media because I feel as if we are treating social media in a way that is going to take much longer for us to figure out that it is a tool that we know how to use.

[00:01:37] There are so many people out there that are just avoiding it completely and dismissing it and, you know, calling it evil and saying that it's like the reason why the world is the way it is. And I'm here to say n- no, that's not actually what's happening. Technology is always going to evolve. And just because you don't know how to use social media, and just because you haven't been able to figure out how to make it a part of your existence or your children's existence or your existence in general doesn't make social media evil.

[00:02:15] Now, we can talk about the corporations that own all of these platforms. That's a different conversations. That's about capitalism. I could say the same thing about a hammer. A hammer is a tool, and the company that may own that hammer might be a bad, horrible company. I don't know. It could be, 

[00:02:36] But I use the hammer as a tool. I use it when I need to. I use it so that I can fix things and do what I need to do with a hammer. If I have a problem with the company that owns that hammer, then maybe I go somewhere else and get a different one. Now, it's harder today with social media because a lot of our social media, a lot of our media in general, is owned by just a few different companies and corporations.

[00:03:03] We have to work within the systems that we have at the moment because that conversation is different. Being angry at all of the billionaires and all of these monopolized companies and corporations that own all of our media and our social media, that's a different conversation, and it's a valid conversation.

[00:03:26] But what I'm saying is, is if I need a hammer Or I need to use and learn how to use social media so that I can take advantage of it as a resource, then that's what I need to do. I need to learn how to use it. And so today I wanna talk a little bit about how I use social media, not because I think it's the way in which other people should use social media, but because I feel like you need to have an intention in how you use all of the social media platforms and why you're consuming what you're consuming.

[00:04:01] it's this weird idea that, bothers me so much about so many of, especially my older friends, who are not that old, but are behaving the way in which their parents did when, television came on the scene, right? I used to laugh at that. Like, why is it so weird that television is going to be, the boogeyman and it's going to distort my eyesight or whatever it is.

[00:04:28] Um, television, like social media today, is a tool. We need to learn how to use it. And just like you know how to use your oven and just how you know how to use a hammer, those things can be dangerous, too. And I know social media is in a whole other level, but the irony is, is that people are so worried about AI, and what you really should be worried about right now is how you use social media.

[00:04:53] Social media right now, the way in which people are using it, it's just gonna take so much longer for us to level out and figure out that it is a tool to be used at certain times

[00:05:08] People have developed really, really bad habits, and those habits are then passed on to your kids, and it continues, right? But if you start to use social media intentionally, maybe we can start breaking the cycle. So I'm gonna share some of the things that I do, and maybe that will be something you wanna do, or it will make you reconsider the way in which you use social media.

[00:05:32] Okay, here is how I use social media without letting social media use me. These are my personal rules and boundaries, and they're strategies for healthy social media consumption, and some of them your friends may not like. So let me start with one of the most important changes I made a long time ago, and I think this is probably one of the worst habits that I see on an everyday basis.

[00:06:02] When I'm walking anywhere, when I'm walking, uh, to the grocery store, or I'm walking on the beach for a little workout, or I'm walking from my car to the office, my phone stays in my bag. Walking with your phone should be banned by everyone. And I know that's really hard because everybody... I am always shooketh by how many people are, are looking at their phones and texting while they're crossing the street.

[00:06:32] Are you crazy? Like, why would you trust that cars are going to stop? You need to be paying attention, but more importantly, it's setting up some boundaries for yourself, right? So one of the things that's really important to me is when I'm walking anywhere, my phone is in my bag. I do not walk and use my phone at the same time, ever.

[00:06:56] I need to be sitting. I need to be working. I need to be, in my home or in my office, and it needs to be an intentional usage, so no walking and using your phone, texting at all. there is one exception. If you're going out to work out, and I usually have it, on my arm, and I'm wearing earbuds, and I'm listening to music working out, right?

[00:07:21] Or you're listening to a podcast 'cause you're working out. That's different. That's intentional. But texting and walking with your phone, absolutely not. Okay, number two for me. This one should be something everyone does, but I don't see it either. But when I'm out at a restaurant or I'm eating at home, no phones.

[00:07:42] No phones on the table, no phones anywhere near you. I silence it and eat my food, even when I'm home. I might have on the TV, I might, you know, be reading a book or I might be reading an email or something, but I really try to have my meal as an event, right? And what, it takes like 15, 20 minutes, right? Or whatever.

[00:08:03] It's like while I'm eating at home by myself. But when I'm at a restaurant, absolutely not, in your bag. So again, it's setting up boundaries for yourself, okay? This one, this one is just disgusting, and I don't know why people do this, but absolutely no phones when you're going to the bathroom. And people, when you're in a public bathroom, what is wrong with you?

[00:08:25] You're texting, you're talking, you're... It's disgusting. You're wiping your ass and texting on your phone. It's disgusting. Stop it. Also, it's just bad manners. I can't... Like, me even just saying it is disgusting. But seriously, if you're gonna go to the bathroom, especially in public, but also even in your, why are you bringing your phone with you?

[00:08:47] This one just throws me 'cause I honestly feel like we need to do a whole series on etiquette and manners. But again, it's about limiting your, your time using your phone all the time, being on social media all the time. These are ways to limit that and make it more of an intentional usage of your time as opposed to it being habitual, something you just continue to do because it's a habit.

[00:09:15] And let me tell you, that's a habit if you're bringing your phone i- with you into the bathroom. That's just nasty. Stop doing that. Thank you. Thank you. So this is where we get into a little bit of a harder thing, and this is more of a me thing, and I don't expect other people to do this, and I know all social media platforms are not gonna love this one.

[00:09:34] But I don't have social media apps on my phone. I only have them on my computer. Now, that is a very drastic way of limiting your time on social media, but again, I'm not saying you have to do this for you. I do it for me. The only time I am on social media is when I'm on my computer, and it is an intentional time period for me to be looking at any of the social media platforms.

[00:10:00] So whether it's TikTok or Instagram or LinkedIn or Facebook, I'm doing that on my f- on my computer or on my laptop. I am not doing that on my phone. That is extreme, I know, but I'm saying this is the way in which I have forced myself to not make it a habit. You know, when I used to smoke cigarettes, uh, one of the things I did was I stopped buying cigarettes, right?

[00:10:24] So any time I wanted to have a cigarette, I had to ask somebody to have a cigarette, and that became a way in which I limited the amount of smoking I was doing because I didn't always wanna ask somebody, right? And so then I would try to do something else. Usually, I'd eat M&Ms or something, which was not great, but it got me from smoking.

[00:10:44] But I'm just saying this is what I did to drastically change the way in which I use social media on an everyday basis. It is intentional. So I don't have social media apps on my phone, and I know every single social media company would hate me for saying that. But again, this is about you using the systems we have in place, and that might work for some of you.

[00:11:05] It absolutely works for me. Time. This is really, people like to say that they wanna do this, but they don't do it. But all of these apps, um, all of your phones for sure have the ability to set alarms for you to turn around and be like, "All right. I've been on social media for an hour. I'm done for the day."

[00:11:25] It's one of the reasons why I got all the apps off of my phone, but I also still only give myself an hour a day to intentionally use social media just for fun. So if I'm using social media, if you're seeing that I'm liking things on Instagram, it's because that was, you know, I had an hour of the day where I went and looked at Instagram and, enjoyed some of the people that I follow.

[00:11:47] And so that also is a way in which you can help yourself, is really limit your time and honor it, honor it that you've been on there for just an hour or whatever the time period is for you. And here's the thing about, you know, just to go back to, um, taking social media off your phone, you're less likely to do the whole doom scrolling.

[00:12:10] Now, I'm not against people using social media to find joy and happiness and to connect with other people. I actually think those are the benefits of it. But if you're on social media and you're doing that thing of doom scrolling all the time, you really wanna talk about and think about why you might be spending so much time looking for whatever it is you're looking for.

[00:12:34] And it, I am not a therapist, I'm not a doctor, and I'm not saying there's anything wrong with you. I'm just saying it's something to think about. If you're avoiding interacting with other people, or you're avoiding doing some work, or you're avoiding some, some real me time, or some time with your family or friends or whatever it is, you need to kind of really think about why am I here doom scrolling all day long?

[00:12:58] So that's something also to think about. When you limit yourself for an hour or whatever time period you do, it's an intentional, thing to be on your phone or be on your social media and enjoying it for that hour and getting what you need from it. It's like having a piece of chocolate cake once a week after you've worked out.

[00:13:17] It's like that's what you kind of do. It becomes kind of a, a, a reward system, you know? For me, it's like, okay, time for my Instagram or my Facebook or whatever it is. Um, and, and I'm not saying I do an hour for each one of those. No, no, no, an hour in total. But I, I have different days I do different ones, so that's just a me thing.

[00:13:38] Let's talk about boundaries with friends and, other people that you follow on Instagram. So this is something that my friends don't like, and I've told them, and, you know, they kind of make fun of me about it, but I really would prefer for people not to DM me Instagram posts or TikTok posts or whatever it is.

[00:14:02] Nine times out of 10, I just ignore them, and they get really bitchy about it, and then they do it even more, which is what's gonna happen after this video. But, but here's what I wanna say. This is me setting up a boundary. This is me setting up a boundary. I don't want to watch all of your videos that you think are funny or relevant to me when nine times out of 10 they're not So, and I know, I know what this sounds like, but again, when you set up boundaries, most people will not like them because they're making it about them.

[00:14:32] They're not making it about you and maybe considering why you're doing what you're doing. I have limited time that I spend on social media for a reason. I am creating a show. I do four shows. I also have a job. I'm also looking for more work. I also interact with my friends actually in person and on the phone, or...

[00:14:57] You see what I'm saying? So you setting up boundaries, it sounds good until other people have to deal with that boundary, right? All of those same people are like, "I set up boundaries too." But then when you have the boundary, they're annoyed by it because they feel like it's about them. So setting up a boundary of not looking at DMs from your Instagram or your TikTok or your LinkedIn or whatever it is also helps you, right?

[00:15:28] If somebody really wants to get in touch with you or really wants to see some- or whatever, it's really important to you, they're, they're gonna call you. They're gonna send you a text if they have your number, if they're not blocked. You know what I mean? 

[00:15:40] Okay, that's me being mean, but anyways, my point is, is I also think one of the better ways to share, like, if you have something that you love that you think I would love, the better thing, and I follow you, just share it, right? Re-share it, retweet it, or whatever they call it. Re-share it, and it will eventually come on my feed at my leisure when I'm in my space of wanting to watch it.

[00:16:08] So another thing that's really great about taking social media off your phone is you don't get those alerts. You don't get any of those alerts that somebody has sent you a direct message and, you know, um, you'll see it at your leisure. so yeah, think about that the next time you keep sending people direct messages.

[00:16:26] Here's the thing too. Um, I get it. I get that you think something you saw was funny or great, but I also have to make you aware and, you know, whether you like it or not doesn't matter, but just because you think something's funny doesn't mean other people will think it's funny, or just because you think something's relevant doesn't mean other people will think it's relevant.

[00:16:47] And so what ends up happening is you send a video, and I'm like, "Uh, I don't even know what... why they sent this to me." Because maybe you were in that space. You had just seen four or five other videos that kinda had the same thing, and then you had that moment. I'm watching this void of all of that, and I'm like, "Not funny, not interesting, not relevant, not whatever."

[00:17:11] And I think it's important to understand that. And I don't care if it sounds mean or whatever, it's still true. How many times have you received an Instagram and been like, "I don't know why I sent this," but you were nice enough to respond back, "Oh my God, this is great. Thank you." Again, I know what this sounds like, but again, this is about you being better and intentional about using social media.

[00:17:38] This is about you understanding that social media has an effect on us when we're continuously using it all the time and not thinking about the consequences and the ramifications of what comes with using it without intention. And here's my thing too, the thing that really kind of bothers me is, and I'm gonna say this truthfully, people are using social media so much and sending me all of these videos, and yet I haven't seen you like, share, or be interested in anything that I've worked really hard to post, right?

[00:18:15] I'm actually trying to build a platform. I'm actually trying to, to share the stuff that we're all talking about and doing on, on, on All About The Joy, and yet I'm getting all of these other videos and likes or whatever from all these things that you're doing, but you're not taking the time to look at the stuff that I'm actually spending hours working on.

[00:18:36] So, like, that's the other part of it. That's the other part of it that kind of bothers me. And I, I'm not forcing anybody to like the stuff that I'm doing or whatever, but that's my point. When you're creating content, you're spending a lot of time working on content to put out there. I don't have a lot of time, nor do I wanna spend a lot of time watching stuff that you think is funny or you think is great or you think is awesome because I've limited the time I have on social media for joy because I'm also doing other stuff.

[00:19:12] And if that sounds mean or cruel, too bad. This is about you learning how to use social media with intention, and this is about you understanding why I use social media with intention. so here's the other part. Breaking an addiction is really hard, and it requires a lot of structure, not just time limits.

[00:19:35] So yes, are the algorithms made on all of these social platforms to make you more and more addicted to doom sc- absolutely. But it's just like cigarettes and alcohol and everything. You have to work hard to fight it. You have to curate your own algorithm, being careful and intentional about what you like and don't like.

[00:19:59] And this is gonna get me to the next part of this video 'cause it's really important. Be intentional. Be careful about who you follow because when you follow certain people, when you like certain things, you are building your own algorithm and that is what is going to be continuously fed to you so that you stay on the platform And so I want you to think about a few things.

[00:20:26] Who are you following, and why? Did someone that you decided to follow... If they're your friend, that's a different thing. You wanna be connected to your friends. You wanna support your friends, and the way you support your friends is by liking the content that they do or at least acknowledging it. 

[00:20:43] But here's the thing. Yes, follow your friends. That's great. here's the other thing I wanna ask you.

[00:20:48] Are the other people that you're following, are they teaching you something, or are they just reinforcing what you already know, right? We can kind of use politics as a great example. Are you following something or somebody because what they said is something you already agree with? What is their background?

[00:21:10] Do they have a PhD in something? Did they, did they work for somebody, or is it just some random person who now you're going to follow because they said one or two things that you agree with? I think this is part of what has happened when it comes to politics. We are not using social media to actually grow and be smarter.

[00:21:31] We're actually using social media to continue to believe the stuff that we already believe and entrench ourselves in our little tiny corners. So my question is, if you're following somebody and they believe what you believe, what are they offering you different? Is it a different perspective? I'll give you an example.

[00:21:51] I follow one of the guys, who does a podcast because he used to work for President Barack Obama. That's a different perspective. That's a perspective I don't have. I think that's a interesting perspective. That's not someone who's just spewing political stuffage that I believe in. That's somebody who's coming to it from a job they used to have that they did for eight years or however many years they did it and now is giving information that is teaching me something.

[00:22:19] It's not just Joe Schmo who's really smart and good-looking or whatever, 

[00:22:24] My point is, is if you're following people, what is the intention behind it, right? I think it's really important that the people that you choose to follow when it comes to things like medical information or politics, things that are really important in our everyday lives, we want them to have some type of background that solidifies for us that they have a different viewpoint, even if we agree with them, right?

[00:22:53] Even if we agree with whatever it is they're talking about. We wanna see, like, are, am I learning something new, or am I just entrenching myself in the same information that I already know I tend to want to follow people who are teaching me something, who are showing me something I've never even considered.

[00:23:15] And I think that's really an important thing in curating, your algorithm and the people that you follow. social media isn't actually the problem. The problem is capitalism, and that's a whole other conversation. But social media, when you use it as a tool, is incredible, as we've all seen with the World Cup, as we've all seen with...

[00:23:38] I've met so many people because of social media. I've never met them in person, but they're all over the world, right? And I love that. I love the ability that social media has more positives than negatives, but we all tend to focus on all the negatives of it as we're still habitually using it and pretending that we're so highfalutin about it.

[00:24:00] I can't believe I just used the word highfalutin. There is something that happens when you get old. You just start using old-fashioned words. I, I don't know what it is, but it's gotta be something. But I wanna share with all of you a couple of the amazing people that I follow. Not because I want you to follow them, but bec- although you could, but because what I think is important is for you to understand how I choose to follow people.

[00:24:25] So for example, the first person that I follow, that I wanna share with you is Coach John Noel. I think it's Noel or Noel. I don't know. But he's on IG, and what I love about him is, look it, so I've run three marathons. I've run several 10, 10Ks and 5Ks. 

[00:24:43] and I have worked out a lot, uh, my entire life, right? Especially when I was younger and stuff. So anyways, long story short, I can't do that anymore.

[00:24:54] Things have changed. It's not just getting older. It's I've had surgery, I've gained weight, and it's been really hard. People are like, "You have to lift weights," and then I'll go and lift weights, and then I hurt myself. And the thing about him and the way in which he, shows you how to try to get back into shape Is because he has a different style about it, and he does something that nobody else does.

[00:25:19] Check this out. 

[00:25:19] This video got almost 20 million views. If you dead hang from a bar for 30 seconds, you'll improve your shoulder stability and your grip strength, and you'll decompress your spine. If you're not able to hang from a bar for 30 seconds or you don't have a bar that you can hang from, you can grab the inside of a doorframe, step back, squat down a little bit, and let your body weight hang back like this, and do the same thing.

[00:25:40] And if you start on all fours with your hands like this, and cross your legs like this, and dip to the side, you will release the back of your hips. If getting into that position on the floor isn't an option for you, you can place your forearm on a wall, place your inside leg over top of the outside leg, then drop your hip towards the wall to get the same release all through here.

[00:25:58] And if you set up a bar like this, and if you lift your leg over the bar like this 10 times per side, you will significantly reduce all the tightness and the stiffness in your hips. You can do the same step overs at home using a yoga block, a stack of books, a foam roller, a chair, or anything else that's between shin and waist height.

[00:26:17] If you save this video and follow me like this, you'll get more tips on how to move better and get stronger. I hope seeing those options to do those different exercises helps someone change their perspective from, "I can't," to, "I can," and believe that movement is for everyone, because it is. I love him. Like, I just love everything that he kind of... It's his delivery too, right? It's kind of interesting. Now, they- that may not be for you, but what I'm trying to explain to you is, is there somebody that you're following that is teaching you something that maybe you already know, but from a different perspective?

[00:26:49] What is the intention behind the people that you're following? That's the important part here. Now, John M. Vila, who I have used before on our All About the Joy shows, is someone that I also follow, and I love him. But here's what I wanna say. I love fashion. I have always loved fashion. I'm not per se somebody who wants to wear the fashion, but I love fashion.

[00:27:13] I've always thought it was such a unique and beautiful art form. But the difference in the way in which he talks about fashion is he teaches you something about the history of fashion, and that to me is a whole different perspective. Check this out.

[00:27:28] That security lady from Cannes would not be happy about this dress, but the rest of us, rejoice. This is how you do custom Schiaparelli while referencing fashion history, and it might be against the rules, but with a face card like this, who's going to stop her? Bella Hadid wore custom Schiaparelli haute couture by Daniel Roseberry to Cannes.

[00:27:44] It's embroidered to look like lace. What the fuck? And it's an homage to the one and only Jane Birkin who wore this dress in 1969 in Paris with a couple of devastating updates. This piece also has a low-cut dip front with a beaded black embellishment. Jane actually wore her dress intentionally back to front.

[00:27:59] This one was clearly made this way. And unlike the very '60s boho fit of Birkin's dress, the construction on this, the sleeves are deliciously skin-tight, overly long to just the right point with this open back cuff. The structure of that neckline makes me wanna scream. So smooth and just clean and precise.

[00:28:15] We have this beautiful tiered mermaid skirt with a demi train. Speaking of the back of a dress, this is quickly becoming one of my favorite Schiaparelli techniques. The lace-up back detailing through metal eyelets with this huge bow, such opposing aesthetics that work so beautifully together, nods to corsetry and lacework and the black and white high contrast.

[00:28:33] It does not get more French couture than that. But is this allowed? Cannes Film Festival introduced a dress code addendum last year banning naked dresses, which may have been somewhat aimed at Bella, and this lace is somewhat sheer. Definitely not a naked dress as such, but you do get this cheeky view of the body underneath.

[00:28:49] And I mean, her belly button is out, and yet it is incredibly elegant, sophisticated, and artful, and who in their right mind would tell her she can't walk the carpet in this? We have not seen this diva in a couple of years. Bravo to Bella and Daniel and all the talented sore hands that made this. Let me know what you think.

[00:29:03] Okay, bye. So that's it. That's what I wanted to share with you.

[00:29:07] If you get anything else out of this Carmen Talk today, what I hope is that you start to think about how you intentionally not just use social media, but also your phone. How you are intentionally making choices every single day, and not allowing the manipulation of corporations to dictate how we use the tools we have in front of us.

[00:29:33] I think it's a really important thing that we start to understand that social media is not going anywhere. AI is not going anywhere. It is part of our society now. So dismissing it, being negative about it, be- acting as if it's some doomsday device as opposed to understanding that it is a tool and trying to figure out a way to use it correctly, especially if you have kids.

[00:30:01] They're growing up with this as part of their lives. And kids, I don't care what you tell them, they're going to do as they see. They will behave as you behave. And so if you are using social media with intention, with an air of pos- like, positivity and possibility as opposed to, to the negativeness of it, then that will help people start understanding and using social media as a whole for all the good that it does bring us.

[00:30:37] As always, thank you so much for hanging out with us and for supporting All About the Joy. Remember, we do have other shows that are all available on our YouTube channel. And remember, at the end of the day, it really is all about the joy. We'll see you next time. Thank you. Bye. Thanks for stopping by All About the Joy.

[00:31:00] Be better and stay beautiful, folks. Have a sweet day.